Hey Ali, That is interesting news & much to process!! I pretty much agree w/the good advise you've been given already. For some reason transformers advise hit home w/me. - Maybe because, my H is/was avoidant & I pushed the R talk, gave him an ulltimatum either try to be friends w/me & spend more time with me or D me. Well, my H chose the latter (as you know). Correct me if I'm wrong - but I think for these men they think it's easier to end it all & then the problems will go away. My H at one point said he wanted to work on our R after D - WTF is that about!?! (Someone elses H said the same things on these boards). Maybe it gives the distance & relieves the guilt they need.
Your H is just realizing what he has done. He needs to deal with it a bit more. You need to keep GALing. Maybe pop in at bandnight, if your H is there have a friendly chat, but don't be glued to him & leave first (maybe saying you have other friends to meet). In your earlier post, I did think it was strange you were uninvited. Now if it was someones party, I can see why, but if bandnight is at a pub ... well that's different. (But I do see why your friends did it). Agree with Julia & I wouldn't let your BF know - you have inside info on him. Your H does need to talk to someone he can trust & G is that person for him.
R talk for you - cheeseless tunnel. How about adding bandnight to your list of GAL?? Maybe going there 1 or 2 times a month?
Me39, XH45 Kids 3 dogs, 2 cats Divorced 6/4/09 Tricky thing is not how you live, but how you live with yourself. (POTC)
So your BMF thinks playing the I'm waiting for you & want you back card - instead of the I'm GAL, mysterious, jealousy card???
All I can think about is you playing the jealousy card. But don't know if it's the right one for your sitch & your "delicate flower" BF (yes my H is a "delicate flower" as well).
Just throwing out ideas.
Me39, XH45 Kids 3 dogs, 2 cats Divorced 6/4/09 Tricky thing is not how you live, but how you live with yourself. (POTC)
Maybe just meet him and flirt with him? Back to good old flirting? No tears, big R talks, why's etc etc. Just have fun as laughs as you said, make the difference between you and her bigger and let him chew on that for a while? I can see why your friends tell you to call him but I think that will only push him away... Guilt is a reason not to come back in some cases. If you get the chance make your interactions light and fun and full of Ali the funny girl?
I dont know what to say. I am not patient anymore and you know it so take my advice with a grain of salt as you guys say? My witch thing tells me you need to approach him as a woman, not his good old Ali, show him some fun times... Tease him, not surrender. Get him going, you know? How to do that, is another issue. Maybe go somewhere where he AND Helen will be, or would that be too much for you? K
Ali, you know how loads is talked about on the boards about RL people with good intentions but say/ advise/ do the wrong things to help our sitch's. I believe this is an instance of this. I think that his BMF has *really* good intentions but this could backfire massively. JMO... totally your decision. Do you not think that BF knows you want him back already?
Anyway, should these things really be done by through other people? Can't you just start showing him the great GAL Ali and let him come back to you naturally if that is destined to happen...
A bit more patience is needed here methinks. Time will tell x
Morning everyone! I had a fantastic night out..wore high heels! (unlike me) and danced and talked and laughed like a hyena, I actually felt I had cracked a rib at one point I was laughing so much!
Cher TOTALLY agreed that G shouldnt tell my ex that he had talked to me, or what I had said and she said she would definetly talk to him and tell him not to, but that he is very sensitive and wouldnt say anything innapropriate. Luckily, BMF turned up in the morning and so I told him, that I didnt mean it when I said, could he talk to ex for me. That I didnt think that was a good idea to tell him we had talked.. and he agreed, he said I agree, its better coming from you, but also that he wont tell him, in case that makes him stop talking to him about it! He did say again though, just grow some b*lls and phone him... and then said, HE needs to grow some b*lls too!
MrsM - No, I know my ex well and if he thought there was an OM around me, he would definetly not speak up, he would back off and think, Al is ok, happy, she doesnt want me back... it would have the inverse effect on him, I always knew that, which is why I never considered the 'make him jealous' angle - my ex is 100% NOT a jealous guy, he used to say so himself. I think the 'loyalty' card would work better.
K, Julia - Yes, no tears, no R talks, no guilt..what more can I do other than be confident, flirt and be funny? BUT we need to be in the same room togetehr to do this!! I dont know if Cher will invite me Thursday (and no, its a pub, so I coldnt just turn up there alone, would look sad!) as she goes with another group of girls usually and so I'm not sure if I will get an invite yet.
I think for now.. I wont phone, but I will email him tommorow (eclipse!) and be my usual witty, friendly self.
