I am not suggesting you kick her to the curb at all. I am not talking about your wife. You know that I'm not talking about her at all. I am saying I read your thread back 14 months (and there were plenty more, but I had read enough to make sure I knew your history). To my surprise, I found that you are literally getting the same advice from people and you are saying the same things now that you did then. At times, you are repeating yourself almost word for word. That is a long time to be cycling thru the same loops. Like going on the freeway and never taking an exit.
I'm saying there has been almost no movement in your life, and what movement that has happened, was not initiated by you. You sometimes react, but you do not act. You have been told to GAL > 100 times, but you have not. This is NOT NEW.
Seriously, Frankd, re-read your thread...go back a year, and see where you were and where you are now. Look at what AmyC said to you in January of 2008 (and again in July, and again last week). Read what Jack 3 has said, and TNP said in August, and how you replied then. Call it "observations" or whatever you want; it's still the same behavior in some form; obsessing, mind reading, snooping or microscopically analyzing or negatively thinking, etc, and you can still say you won't do it anymore!...and it'll all have been said before. That's what I'm saying. You're a smart guy.
But your machinations & ruminations have stalled you into permanent limbo land. By choice. Make no mistake Frankd, this is your choice and has been for a long time. That is what I don't get. You ignored the question earlier but it's really the question. Why do you do this? What do you get out of this? Surely you don't want to wake up in 10 years talking about whether your w is bringing OM#56 to your grand-kid's baptism...and how you should feel or approach that. Right? [color:#CC0000][b] That's what I'm saying. Not about your wife or your business or your childhood...but why you choose to engage in the same thought process, and behavioral pattern, or revert to it every time, and yet appear to expect something different? I can't tell if it's pretense, tactical, attention seeking, a form of masochism, or what? I'm baffled. Don't you want to be happy Frankd, even if it means making brave choices all on your own?
A lot of people have tried to help you; including me. But I now believe I'm part of the problem by engaging this way. I am enabling you to stay stuck. No offense Frank, but You aren't "moving" and my posts are exercises in futility. I don't want to be part of the problem Frankd. ( j )
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Cause one makes a point the other is just downright mean.
If you mean others in general F yes.
If you mean Frank...no don't think so.
Jack, you read my earlier post to frankd & you responded, and I totally related. My post was for him, and how useless I feel posting here on this thread. So of course My comment to you was exclusively for here... Sorry I just caught your post, (But Jack Jack Jack, how could you think otherwise?...my Alaskan 'cousin' and all...sheesh!)
well, I hope Mt Redoubt doesn't cover you in ash. Guess it's great there's no lava...the pics look surreal and oddly beautiful...wacky. But then, that's Alaska. ((( j )))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
You telling me to F Off will always bring a smile to my face, you poser. : )
Thank 25, I did read the other thread and thanks. The people I respect, I actually care what they think about me.Contrary to what I might say.
Frank, of all things I have said take this to heart...I don't care if you don't take my advice, I don't care if you don't take anyones advice...as long as YOU MOVE FORWARD.
Stop being a rabbit, and you know why I have been hammering you, why I don't believe you, sorry its true...its because you placate people, and post here about the changes you have made...actually more often than not the changes you should make or plan on making...
I am not used to not believing people here. Trust is the coin easiest spent the hardest to hoard.
I don't trust you right now. Like with my wife I want to be wrong... Too many things you write remind me of older threads.
Deeds not words, I look forward to being wrong. But again, trust.
Want a clue?
You talk about her and the silly [censored] she does that means nothing...you not moving forward. Adding crazy to the end of it...the crazy one is you, not her.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
I'm saying there has been almost no movement in your life, and what movement that has happened, was not initiated by you. You sometimes react, but you do not act. You have been told to GAL > 100 times, but you have not. This is NOT NEW.
I agree with you, I've been stuck most of the time with one exception. Right after W left the house I felt more empowered, and I got more work done and made a bunch of money. I was moving forward. W seemed to be moving in a negative direction and as one of my friends pointed out, when she didn't come 'running back' because I was being successful it wore me down. I think subconsciously I couldn't believe she would stay with OM when she could have ME.
That was the time when I was almost breaking out of the cycle. But I ended up falling back into it again.
Now that W is living in the house I've spent the first few days trying to 'understand' her actions. After yesterday I've given that up. I only need to know that she's here for the girls and that helps them, which helps me.
Yesterday was a hugely productive work day for me. This morning a client who was stressing out called me all happy because I finished their stuff. I felt good about that.
That's the way it was when W first left. I got things done and felt good about myself.
Something Ford told me was that when his W first left and was out having her affairs, the hardest thing was being home alone with the kids. She came back to live in the house for a while and he said it was much easier to detach then because he could see that he didn't like who she had become.
I think I am feeling that way now. I don't like who she has become because of her distorted MORAL choices.
But that doesn't matter. What matters is my life. Tonight is 'Recovery Night' at Calvary Church and I'm going there to meet new people.
I'm working well today and productive. I'm in a good mood and will stay that way.
Quote:
[b] That's what I'm saying. Not about your wife or your business or your childhood...but why you choose to engage in the same thought process, and behavioral pattern, or revert to it every time, and yet appear to expect something different? I can't tell if it's pretense, tactical, attention seeking, a form of masochism, or what? I'm baffled. Don't you want to be happy Frankd, even if it means making brave choices all on your own?
Yes, I do want to be happy. I have been such a freaking Wuss.
I think my counselor would say it's a form of Codependence. We talked about that last meeting.
I'm committed to breaking it. I started yesterday.
You telling me to F Off will always bring a smile to my face, you poser. : )
I know, that's why I said it.
Quote:
I don't trust you right now. Like with my wife I want to be wrong... Too many things you write remind me of older threads.
Deeds not words, I look forward to being wrong. But again, trust.
Yeah, I feel so stupid. I'm better than this. I have a plan and I'm sticking to it.
From "Wild at Heart"
Quote:
The world of posers is shaken by a real man. You must let your strength show up because the world doesn't have a place for it. Fine. The world's screwed up.
Let people feel the weight of who you are and let them deal with it.
