I'm doing good Breton. Thanks. In fact just a moment ago I was thinking about how I feel no sadness or pain over the end of the M any longer.
The week was a bit of a roller coaster. X went off on me out of the blue early in the week. I triggered it (in truth her own fears did) when I told her the facts of her sitch with the house after she asked me to se if i could refinance the house at a lower interest rate. She wants (and is getting) the house but the mortgage is in my name only. She railed at me that her L told her she could just keep making the payments and she cannot qualify for a loan, etc. She went on to opine how she believes I will find some way to "screw her" (read; if anything doesn't turn out exactly as I fantasize it will it's YOUR fault and you did it on purpose) as we try to finalize financials.
I made one visit to my L to sign papers and we both learned that we will be required to appear in court, much to our chagrin, as the judge requires it. More money for our L's.
today she was texting me that she is being honest and has never lied about her intentions during our entire relationship including the separation and D proceedings. She went far out of her way as she texted me multiple times and later called. She has a letter from her L she wants me to read that "proves" she has been honest. I told her it's unnecessary as I believe her.
I guess she's far from out of the tunnel as she is going to a concert tonight and didn't have time to speak to DS who sprained his ankle (DD called her) tonight because she was in a hurry to get ready for the concert.
That pissed me off.
A couple of weeks ago she told me she hated me for ruining her life. I'm very tempted to tell her I don't hate her for ruining my life but I do hate her for ruining our children's lives.
"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12 Bomb and OM 12/15/06 Separated 01/02/07 Divorced 05/13/08 X married OM(OMH) 08/2009 Married 06/09/13
I've about decided my x is just crazy. As she is a product of a severely dysfunctional childhood and terrible abused I accepted her quirks as quirks. Something snapped at bomb and her damaged personality bloomed.
She railed at me today because she found out from DD that I am dating someone. She is terribly angry about that and came up with all sorts of reasons why I had hurt her and the children in the way I went about it (I waited until 2 years post-separation and 7 months post-divorce to date). I won't go into all that transpired but I have also gathered she is feeling some guilt for the D's affect on the children and projecting it all on me.
She basically wants to scream at me about stuff that happened years ago. She expects me to take it. Any apologies on my part are met with her rebuttals that I am not truly sorry. Anything and I mean anything and everything is my fault. Anything she has done which may have upset or damaged the children she twists into being my fault.
I engaged her a little bit today when I thought it might help but don't think it did at all. At one point after she hung up on me for the third time and called back I asked calmly, "Why do you keep hanging up if you're just going to call back?" I asked for the second time that we attend C together only to settle past hurts so we can stop fighting. She refused.
Oh yeah, she told me today I "deserved" the physical abuse she dealt to me. No remorse on her part at all.
I think she was mentally worse off today than at any time in this entire hell.
On a positive note I have never felt more in tune with the following quote......
"Frankly my dear I don't give a damn." Rhett Butler
Last edited by sleeper; 01/26/0904:02 AM.
"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12 Bomb and OM 12/15/06 Separated 01/02/07 Divorced 05/13/08 X married OM(OMH) 08/2009 Married 06/09/13
It is amazing they can't look at one iota of pain they have caused us.....
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Sleeper, Maybe I am slow or dumb or both, but I still think you have had a good amount of progress w/your W. You had positive exchanges there for a while. The fact that she is jealous is actually a positive.
Your wife is not indifferent to you, and that means she is not over you. I would simply ignore any and everything that she says that is blaming because it sounds to me as though what she is actually saying is "I really screwed up but I am insanely jealous that you're dating so I will yell at you because I don't know what else to do." And even if that's not it, the fact that she is opening a R talk is also not a bad thing--so it's kind of up to you where to take it, if you can. Can you calm it down a few notches and say something like "What is REALLY bothering you?"
As far as your quotation...I understand where you are; as we are in a similar timeframe I too am fed up, impatient, and tired of "standing." And I too feel increasingly detached and disinterested in H. The obstacles to reconnecting are huge and a spouse who is angry and (for me more so) disitnerested makes it seem impossible. I try not to get discouraged, but I do understand now how easy it is to become interested in someone else, because quite frankly when you have been so deeply rejected, someone else looks terribly appealing.
I'm not exactly looking to meet someone but at the same time, if someone did ask me out I think I woudl go. And maybe in our WASs lost little minds, the OP had appeal because they were lonely and as sad as we are.
It's been a long time.
BTW, my book about forgiveness made the point that it is much harder to forgive when the other person is openly UNremorseful. It's also a better, truly amazing form of forgiveness.
M: 16 years Bomb 4/07 OW 20s long gone Divorced 11/09 I remarried New Guy Cooperative r w/X regarding D
