Hey Ali - a race???!!! Wow !!! This is fantastic!!! Well done on you...You know - the 2012 Games aren't too far away!
On exBF... well things sound as if they are in the wind at the moment... I hope you find it blows your way...but caution... are you ready for that wind if it does ... and if it doesn't...?
best as ever GFI...
Me: 40ish W: 40ish Together: 20 ish years Married: 10ish Years
There is this song about life is a waiting game by the girl Corine something, the one that sings "put your records on"... Whatever, hold a small basket when you hear about lots of cherries as we say in Greece...
Sailing, wow!! Sounds amazing. Good for you Princess, bravo! K
Ali - the sailing sounds fab!!! Well done on you! And you're starting to get the lingo too!!! You'll never regret throwing yourself into something like that!!! Just the physical high must be getting to you right now...and thats a wonderful thing!
And also - it sounds as if you're on the brink of something... keep your cool...! And remember - no expectations...You're starting to "live" now and find your own balance...and it seems that has been a long journey of anguish, hurt, tears and hopes...
Ali, you've invested so much in this...don't blow anything - your new found GALing, your hopes, your fears...be clear on your way forward...if exBF does come back onto the picture...and it sounds as if he might...have you figured out your reaction? Practice it...just in case...
What would you say? Do?
best - GFI
Me: 40ish W: 40ish Together: 20 ish years Married: 10ish Years
Hey guys.. yes, thats why I didnt post it all. After all this time, I was a little underwhelmed to hear the things he said, as though its a surprise to him, the value of what we had, did he really not realise?!?
He said that whenever he does anything with her, or goes anywhere with Helen, he cant help thinking, me and Al went here or did this, whenever he talks to her, he cant help thinking, me and Al talked about this and this is what Al would have said about this... that he cant believe how time flies whenever he speaks to me, it feels like 5 minutes but he looks at the clock and an hour has gone by...that she doesnt get him, or his sense of humour and not in the way that I did (wow, his humour defines him, I am amazed at that one). DURRR !??? We always got on well, I always said we were soulmates.
On the positive side, I was pleased to hear he hasnt spent much time with her, their R was casual and he isnt seeing her very much at all now. I was pretty confused as to why he has been with this long. Also, BMF said he is definetly on the brink of ending it with her and that he believes its to get back with me.
So Kalni, GFI...how would I react? I can see huge positives, I can see that we would have a very 'Jupiterian' R from now on, socialising, friends, holidays, coastal walks, lots of things we should have done more of before. We had both turned in on ourselves and away from each other for our own reasons, but the love and real friendship and understanding is still there..but we would need to be able to get the romantic R back.
So If he wanted back.. he's going to have to make an effort, win me over and I would want to get M, in Cornwall and it would be a weekend wedding by the sea with tonnes of friends! So I am dreaming already. But, realistically, I have to wait and see, like I said. Theres still no telling, but its looking probable now.. and right on the eve of that eclipse!! God I'm good, I really ought to start charging
And yes, I am SOOOO proud of myself for racing in a sail boat! How cool is that !??
Hahaha.. I knew I'd get a 2x4 for that one! No, I'm fine GFI, I'm great actually, I'm feeling optimistic.. I can see the home stretch now, either way.. and thats the point isnt it, I'm not hanging on forever, he's had an EA, left me, then dated her, its not working out.. so now.. its either, come back and fix this with me and make a commitment at some point, or, I'm not doing this anymore and its over for good. I can see clearly now, its all or nothing and I will be fine either way, I can tell. Anyway, I WANT to get M now. To someone.
BUT.. I do have to get on with some college work, Ive not been doing enough. My tutor kindly gave me an extension on Friday..so I now have 8 weeks to do some work, or if I dont hit it, I will maybe intermit and leave the 3rd year. So, its see if its achievable, or give up. The work has to be in by 20th March.
Which I thought was interesting after what Kalni said on her thread about an 8 week plan. Wierd coincidence.
I also feel that it may take that long for my ex to finish with Helen and be able to start approaching me again, so we'll see what the eclipse brings. See this excellent blog about the eclipse: Priya Kale
Wow its so quiet around the boards lately, with us old timers anyway. Today is the solar eclipse in Aquarius, first of a pair (next is in Leo)..these eclipses are teaching us about DETACHMENT and LOVE
"Leo rules the heart, Aquarius speaks of detachment and perhaps that is being what is being asked of us right now, but I think 'detachment' is a greatly misunderstood word. People take it to be the opposite of the Leo energy of opening your heart means 'closing off the heart' and being 'detached.' It is not emotional detachment that is needed rather a a detachment from one's ego responses - be they reacting to insecurities by being defensive or allowing past hurts to stand in the way of future happiness. We unconsciously hurt the ones we love, like wounded animals we claw and hurt anyone who tries to get close to us.
Any pain or rejection we feel is not felt by the heart, but by the ego - it is the ego that hurts and causes pain. The heart never breaks; when the ego dies it only sets the heart 'free' from its cage...This is the 'freedom' we seek in Aquarius, the freedom to love without pain, to be able to break through defenses and connect on a soul level..
It is possible to be deeply connected with another in 'oneness,' without needing to 'hold on', knowing that at the end of the day - only love is real. That is collective consciousness when we can recognize another's humanity as our own - when love can exist beyond our blood or marital or societal relationships.."
Great post Ali. You sound SO healthy and strong. I'm so happy for you that you have gotten to this point.
Once again, I have to thank you for being so honest and open here. Pouring your soul out for all to see is inspirational to those of us who were afraid to do that. Because of you, sweet Ali, I'm not afraid anymore. Bless you for that!
I genuinely hope that your xBF will get his head out of his arse and get himself back to you pronto. I see now though that you will be your fantastic self no matter what he decides to do.
Have a wonderful evening Princess!
P.S. - I had a curry yesterday for lunch and was thinking fondly of you the entire way through it.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Ali, keep your hopes down. You have "nothing", Cher's words would be enough when we started here but SHOULDNT be enough now to shake your world and create fantasies. Live your life, you really have no idea what is going to happen. No one of us has. xxx K
