Was that a speedbump or a milestone?

[sleeper]

Yes, one of many she has created for herself in the past two years, none of which has changed her course.

[sleeper]

The X came by my place with DS last night.

She and DS were out on a "dinner date" and DS wanted to bring their leftovers to me. When she called to ask if they could come by she quickly said, "If you don't have company."

I let them come by. DS requested to stay with me (DD was on a sleepover somewhere) but I declined. He cried for a while but got over it with my help and a surprise I had for him. They borrowed a couple of movies to watch together and left.

As I was walking them to the car, X thanked me for letting them come by saying he just needed to get a little crying out of his system.

It was a very positive contact and we interracted like a family.

Such things don't mean as much to me now. I'm waiting for confirmation of a date this evening.

Milestone.

[sleeper]

Well here we go again

X has kids for remainder of the week. Just called and asked if I would watch the kids tomorrow morn so she could work. I declined because he request was such short notice, she needed me early and I told her I have "plans tonight." All hell has broken loose.

She is raging, threatening me every way she can, financial and child custody, care, support.

Financials are not complete.

[forward]

Don't fear her anger, Sleeper. I mean, if a friend asked that favor and you declined, it would be perfectly reasonable, right? Why does she have the right to rant and rave and threaten you?

You have been the nice guy for a long, long time--and I'm glad it got you to be friendly, but if it is to progress to romance, she needs to respect you more, don't you think? She needs to be less entitled.

She has not really experienced what divorce really means and has been cake-eating, in my opinion. It may make her angry. But if you kowtowed to her anger before, you need to let it go now.

You still have a LOT of contact with her. DB C had suggested to me "firm but friendly" boundaries and to truly avoid all contact except that which is necessary pertaining to the kids.

Not that I feel it has done a ton of good, but one thing about minimal contact is that it does force you to GAL. And if the WAS doesn't come back, you have a life to continue.

I came to the realization that I need big changes.

[sleeper]

"Don't fear her anger, Sleeper." (That's easy for you to say)

She called a few times and texted me twice last night. I had turned my phone off as I didn't want to participate in it any longer. Her last text was, "Your kids have been trying to call you." Funny, she said in rage last night that she would not let me see them anymore and would be taking full custody.

"I love the smell of napalm in the morning. It smells like.........victory." Apocalypse Now

[job]

sleeper,
Your wife acted like a very spoiled little brat about the child care. It was short notice and you know what? She's going to have to learn just what giving a notice is all about if and when the divorce takes place. You've been a very good person throughout all of this and yet, she's still spewing when she doesn't get her way. I think she was hoping to spoil your day so that if you had plans, you would have had to change them to accommodate her needs.

Sleeper, she'll get over it. Do what you have to do to set up some firm boundaries w/her. She's taking advantage of the situation and you certainly wouldn't just "drop" an announcement on you about the children. Time for her to think about getting some back up child care when you aren't available.

Keep your distance when she's ranting and raving and let her fire fizzle out. You don't need to be treated that way. She needs to learn to respect you and that's not going to happen if you are giving in to her temper tantrums all of the time.

Good luck!

[sleeper]

Snodderly, it's better than that.

Just got off the phone with X (by the way we are legally divorced but financials are a separate matter in "The Great State of Confusion" where we reside).

She began with her usual, "You're being passive-aggressive" went on with how selfish I am to not watch kids when she is working, etc. She then asked, "Who were you hanging out with last night?" That totally caught me off guard and I responded, "Is that what this is about? You're upset I'm getting a life?" The phone went dead as she immediately hung up on me. How interesting that TWO YEARS post separation and six months post divorce she is terribly upset that I am going out.

More good news; OM IS WHO SHE GOT TO WATCH THE KIDS FOR HER TODAY! So much for her "It's gonna cost me money to have someone watch the kids and you'll have to pay more child support if you don't watch them" argument.

Sometimes that crashing sound you hear may not be things falling apart but things falling into place.

[job]

Sleeper,
Yeah, I've noticed too how they think we should stay in one place, not have a life, date or even remarry. However, it's okay for them to do all of that. My xh pretty much got pissy when he thought I was seeing someone, but I pointed out that he moved on, married his ow and his life is from all appearances grand. He did the exact same thing, cut communication! They don't want you, but they don't want anyone else to have you either. Quite irrational.

I wondered why she didn't ask the OM to babysit the children. After all, it's no costs associated with him doing it. They want to play house, they should play it to the maximum.

I'm glad you got out of the situation and the OM had to step up. Reality really does have a way of appearing in their lives when they least expect it. I would say that things are falling into place very nicely.

Now, you know what was driving her motives...keeping you at home where she knows you won't be seeing and/or dating anyone. She wants to ensure that you are still there for her. Time for your X to have a full reality check on that one. You are a single man and should go out and have some fun.

Enjoy your weekend!

[fisherman]

This is classic.

Sleeper....The dark side is calling. Go have some fun.

[sleeper]

She called a few more times.

She began by trying to guess who I was out with. I finally told her it is no one she knows (the truth).

She went on to berrate me for other reasons. Searching for ammunition she began to tell me how much I've hurt her, rubbed her face in it (one date?). Next I was a sorry father because I didn't take the children at any opportunity, a liar, etc. She then she reached back to the marriage to repeat the now very well known litany of my failures. She also mentioned all the ways she has been kind to me throughout our separation and D (I guess she has some internal set of rules and outcomes and I have violated that).