Was that a speedbump or a milestone?

[forward]

Well, sleeper, that is good advice, I think.

[sleeper]

It is the beginning of the Bene Geserit "Litany of Fear" in Hebert's book, "Dune".

When in a complete state of fear it is impossible to think rationally. Our reptillian (old brain) takes control over our human (new brain) in that state. We must master our emotions and separate our instinct from rational thought in order to allow rational thought to prevail in what otherwise might be overwhelming situations.

"If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, then you shall be a man (huMAN) my son." Rudyard Kipling

It's reality it's not a new idea.

[sleeper]

Mixing it up.

Took kids to X's at lunch. I took her some bacon, hash browns (made from scratch) and eggs because I had some left over from the breakfast I made for the kids. Thought twice about it but went ahead and took the food because I used to make her breakfast every Sat and Sun before breakup (and all the women said OMG!). I wanted to remind her what she has lost.

While there I noticed she had a new chair in the LR. She asked if I wanted an old, ratty one in the LR. I declined. She then asked If I would take the old ratty one to the street for the trash and move the new one where the old one was. I DECLINED AGAIN, AND FELT D@MN GOOD ABOUT IT!

A little while later she called to rail at me about the kids weight. I can't help but wonder if she wasn't angry because I wouldn't move the chair and was finding something to b*tch at me about.

She called about an hour after that and behan to b*tch asking why I was ignoring her texts (I hadn't recieved any). She then remembered she cannot text on her new phone and apologized. She went on to apologize for venting about the kids weight.

Whatever.

I beginning to feel less and less sorry for her and just see her more and more as my crazy X-wife.

[forward]

Sleeper, I think that you can have compassion without feeling sorry for her.

[sleeper]

I hear you Breton, but It's hard to feel compassion for that little stray dog when it's biting you in the @ss.

"To err is human, to forgive, Devine."

Didn't that Devine guy(or gal) die here a while back?

She called again after my last post.

I missed it.

[forward]

Sleeper, You are not being dark, though, when you bring her things. You need to be consistently less available.

Reread the applicable part of the book if you get the chance.

[Bworl]

Sleeper,

Personally I think telling her no is doing both of you a world of good.


Of course the only part I really care about is that I think it's doing YOU a world of good.


She really CAN find a way to take care of basic responsibilities and obligations. The VAST majority of adults do just that very thing every day of their life.


Your ex was used to having YOU to turn to. She was used to having YOU to bail her out of a situation that might have required a tricky, skillful resolution.


Time for her to figure this out on her own.


If she comes back, let's have it be because she has realized once again how much she loves you and wants to share your life - not because she misses her co-baby sitter.


Stay strong. Follow your gut - seems to me you've been pretty spot on lately.


Blessings,

Bill

[Bworl]

Oh, and...no offense Breton...


F*&% the book and going dark now.


This is not a DB'ing situation.


Games and strategies are NOT necessary.


F*&% them all.


Just live a good Sleeper life.



Bill

[sleeper]

This may be a milestone (for her):

Today at kidswap X mentioned she owes her L $2,000 and recently got a nasty letter from him.

For the first time she didn't blame me or become angry about the money she owes her L.

To date her legal fees have been almost 5 times that of mine.

[forward]

sounds like a problem....