I actually didn't think it would hurt as much as it does.
But I can take some solace in something my Counselor also said today:
W doesn't really believe that one man could make her happy. She's always on the lookout for a replacement. She never had the relationship with her father that my D's have with me so she doesn't feel safe unless the mas she is with puts a lot of energy into her and the relationship.
She will not be coming back because she does not know how to truly love a man, but knows how to drain a man so she can feel loved. She does the same thing to our daughters.
She will not be coming back. Someday there will be someone who will love me like an adult, but it won't be W.
I'm hurt, but I'm also sad for her because I know she'll struggle until she finds a new man to support her and adore her. Maybe she'll burn him out, maybe it'll be a series of men. One thing for sure is that she'll never, ever find a man like me.
Maybe a man like me isn't what she needs though. I think that's probably the case. Too complicated.
I am sorry that you had a rough day.
But are you saying that you spent your whole counseling session talking about your wife?
Because that is the most wasteful thing I can imagine you doing right now.
Additionally, and I'm not trying to be mean to you but here's the deal:
You, nor your counselor, have any right to analyze your wife, predict her future or what she will presumably cost anyone that may be in it. You just don't have a right. And to break it down further, it's also not your business.
Get on with the business of dealing with Frank.
Everything else IS what it IS and doesn't concern YOU unless it affects the girls.
And once again, I HIGHLY recommend that you SEE A LAWYER!
Or do you intend to martyr yourself to such a degree that your wife ends up back in that house - and YOU OUT - so you can continue to feel comfortably abused?
You are banking on your wife's guilt not allowing her to take half your sh*t.
My friend, I would NOT take that gamble if I were you.
You know what Frank, sorry to say this but you haven't been married to her for some time now. Her "retaining" a legal assistant really doesn't change anything at this point. It's all the same.
J3B, I am with you..... Reading is great, but when reading discovery it is supposed to be a means to change. This happens when you take action, not when you read. Not for nothing but FrankD used to be the king of the Alpha Male quoting. He doesn't need to read any farking books to know what to do here. He simply needs to let his balls drop again and step up.
Candy coat it, nope... not my style.
Frank, do you remember Ty (originally Confused Mess, later Tiara Boy)? YOU are the man that spoke to him of strength, courage, and what it is to be a man. You were the one who sent him the Alpha Male manuscript. You were the one who showed him how to quit hanging on to unimportant actions and focus on what would make him better.
I remember this, ty remembers this. I read along and learned how to be a stronger man. I know that you have what it takes to work through this and find yourself again.
Look at the folks who are posting to you here Frank. There is some serious strength and knowledge trying to help guide you in the right direction here. It is up to you if you are going to open yourself up and let these fine peoples messages get through or not.
Lastly, do you know why Jack says he doesn't want to come back in a year and see you in the same exact situation? Because if you do not change, if you do not take action, and if you do not finally put YOURSELF first, that is exactly what is going to happen. Today, you are back to where you were before. Why did that happen Frank???? Because you allowed it to. You gave her the power again, you let her become more important than YOU, and you forgot what made you better the last time......
But are you saying that you spent your whole counseling session talking about your wife?
Because that is the most wasteful thing I can imagine you doing right now.
No, I spent the majority talking about how I need to rediscover myself and my strengths. We spent a short time discussing some of the crap she's been slinging at my D's.
We spent a LONG time discussing how I stay in relationships where I don't get my needs met, and why.
As far as a lawyer and stuff, she has yet to present her 'uncontested divorce' documents from "Documents and More..." so let's see what she is asking for.
But are you saying that you spent your whole counseling session talking about your wife?
Because that is the most wasteful thing I can imagine you doing right now.
No, I spent the majority talking about how I need to rediscover myself and my strengths. We spent a short time discussing some of the crap she's been slinging at my D's.Fair enough.
We spent a LONG time discussing how I stay in relationships where I don't get my needs met, and why.Good.
As far as a lawyer and stuff, she has yet to present her 'uncontested divorce' documents from "Documents and More..." so let's see what she is asking for.Don't sign anything.
I do not intend to be a martyr.The road to hell is paved with good intentions and old habits are hard to break. We ALL hope that you won't be.
And tonight is her "Thursday night make dinner at the house with the girls". Pretty brazen. She truly has no idea how her choices hurt others. And why now? Probably because I pushed the 'separation' stuff the past 2 weeks.
And I will not sign anything until I am sure I'm not agreeing to anything I don't want to agree to. I can sit on it as long as I like. Remember, her nature is to avoid conflict so she'll ask for the basic stuff and expect me to just go "Oh, ok, here ya go".
