I feel the same way. There are times, however, if he stops by my office and I am walking out, I catch him watching me walk towards the car. He looks away really quick as if he is embarrassed he was caught watching. I agree, it is not just MLC. I do some some of the characteristics, but also think that the PTSD is the underlying cause.
It is H's birthday today, and D12 and I called him and sang a horrible rendition of Happy Birthday to his voicemail (neither one of us can sing...lol). I hope it gives him a moment of laughter this morning.
I feel like I am doing the right thing now, keeping the lines of communication open, being kind, and offering to help when I can. He actually called me on Friday, just to chat a minute, and I thought that spoke volumes. He did use an "excuse", I had asked him a question on behalf of a friend, and he wanted to know what the outcome was, but after that we just chatted for about fifteen minutes. It was great!
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Me too Michelle, but you know it comes and goes in waves. This time, though, I am at peace, because I have a little more informaiton on what I am dealing with, and that makes me feel better. The other thing is that I have finally come to accept the decision I have made, which is not to walk away. I think I struggled with the "what if" for a long time, and figured it is easier to just leave the what if up to God. Besides, in the meantime, I am enjoying my life, looking forward to house hunting next month!!!!!
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Yep I did all that! lol Started househunting etc luckily for me I didn't need it in the end and I hope maybe something will click inside your H too. I just took the philosophy that so what if we divorced we could always remarry if that was what was meant to be. I am a great believer in fate and you in God so we both have something to hang on to. I did almost get to the point of no return but that was because H was so vindictive and venemous at times. It doesn't sound like your H is like that. Will you see H at Xmas? Does he have family he can talk to?
His family is all in Germany, so it is tough. I know my D12 wants to get him something for Christmas, so I am debating on extending a dinner invitation. I will see if the opportunity comes up. If it is suppose to, it will. I have found that with something like this, the opportunity presents itself, and then I just go with it. Works better.
I did call him last night, though, to see if he got our ear drum breaking message (lol). He answered, and I wished him a Happy Birthday and asked if he got our serenade. He said what? So I asked again, did you get our serenade...and he said huh? (Now, considering English is is second language, and although he is fluent, I figured maybe he did not quite get what I was saying). And I said D12 and I left you a message this morning singing Happy Birthday, and he said I am sorry I can't hear you, my ear drum is broken! I nearly fell out of my chair laughing! But the really great thing was in that moment, I saw my H, the smart aleck, great sense of humor...and it was precious...and really funny!
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
That was a lovely interaction with H and they all help. I would extend an invitation but don't be hurt if he says no or comes over for dinner and rushes off. Whenever H felt too comfortable he would rush off but I think they also need to feel secure. It is a major battle in their heads. You are doing so well in not pushing and just going with the flow. When we first separated H said we didn't need to D until one of us found someone else (gee thanks! lol) but then he got to the stage where he "had to have a D". In his head we had to be totally split and quite frankly he became a little free with the spending so I thought it would be a good idea in the end so that I would not be liable for any debts he was running up. Along with the PTSD the MLC thing caused him to sell our 4x4 and by a 2 seater MG (don't know where he thought both girls would sit and he is totally embarassed about all of it now!) went and had a tattoo (sorry but I hate them!) had an emotional affair with another woman and oh yes - grew the worst beard on the planet! :-) Take care x
Well, H called me last night with a "funny" story about employee motivation. I quote funny because what H thinks is funny isn't sometimes, so I think he misusese the word. Anyway, I had shut my ringer off while I was wrapping up the Christmas stuff for D12's secret Santa and missed the call. He called twice (I love this..if he can't get hold of me he will repeatedly call) and the second time left a message saying he would call me in the morning. I did try to call back, but he was already working again. So he calls me this morning, and says that child protective services "funny" way to improve employee morale (his only) is to remind him that he is an at will employee, and that if he doesn't have four cases closed this week and two next week he is out of a job.
I listened, validated that he should call his union because to me, that is hostile work environment, and he is already working 16-18 hrs a day, Sunday through Saturday, with 36 active cases.
What really surprises me is that he is starting to turn to me again, and I really like that. I am not being pushy, or overly "helpful" although I did offer my assistance if he could use it. But didn't try to push it.
I have seen this in him before, and although I expect he will find himself getting too close again, I am prepared even more than I was the last time. No more tears, just understanding, and great faith. I know this will turn out okay, and it is a process, but I also wonder if this might be the start of him bottoming out. I hope to God he does not lose his job. But I also have great faith that whatever happens, God will see us through.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Gee, look who he turned to in his time of frustration - you, the one person that accepts him unconditionally. Good for you Lola. You have shown him your strength and unwaivering faith in him. That is HUGE in your sitch.
I will pray that he doesn't lose his job but that he sees this as a turning point in his life and priorities.
((((((Lola)))))))
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
