I'll be updating my profile soon. I go to pay a deposit on an apartment tomorrow that is close to work. I'll probably move on Sunday. I'm completely gutted by all that has happened in my life since June 2nd and now it is time to start over, by myself. H hasn't wavered and has now seen the lawyer to start the legal separation papers.
I will keep up with all of you and might even have time to get on here later.
Prayers, everyone, for those are all that are holding me up. God is good.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
I posted a reply on Cookie's thread, I couldn't find yours! Honey, this might be hard. You might be lonely. Or, you might just feel peace and contentment. Relief. I'll be praying for you this weekend. love, Goldey
I'm shocked, but I understand. I'm soooooo proud of you, but my heart aches for you.
HUGS
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
Sorry I missed you. I was at a dance performance with D14.
Hugs
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
I am very confused KJ, I thought you were pretty clear when you moved back in that if someone was to leave, it would be him. I am not sure why you would waiver on that?
Okay, everyone can put away the 2x4's. I didn't take the apartment. I am in my home and he left. Actually I demanded and told him he had to leave.
He immediately said he didn't have any place to go, didn't have anything prepared, could do it financially right now, etc.
I didn't back down. I said that if you love me as you say you do then you will stop the emotional torture. You see the legal separation as wiping the slate clean, starting fresh, that you need this time to heal, and blah, blah, blah. I can't take it any more because it is tearing my guts out.
I said that he had to leave and he had to leave today. My son was coming home tonight (to put on snow tires and have dinner with us) and when he left, my h had to go.
He finally agreed to go stay at his mom & dad's for now.
This all happened because I asked if he had been back to the lawyers, then I asked if he'd made an appointment. (I knew he had.) He looked me in the eyes and he lied. He said he hadn't.
He went to the appointment and I knew he had. Then I asked him about it a couple days after and told him I knew about it - that a friend of mine saw his car at the lawyers.
He admitted it and said he hadn't filed anything - yet - but that he was planning to give me papers after the first of the year. I was out of my mind in disbelief and in pain.
Then I decided ok, this is what you want, then this is what you get. I let him know that I would not call and I would make no effort to see him. IF he really wanted a fresh start then any effort had to come from him. And if he didn't - then I wouldn't wait for him.
I had spent 7 months being rejected and making the effort. Now it was all on him to figure out his head. And if he didn't then I would and will move on.
He said, but you said you would always love me. He said you said you would always be there. I replied that I would always love him, but that damn him, I was worth fighting for and if he didn't make me feel like I was worth it then I wouldn't be there.
And oh, his thought that we would heal, and then restart, and make dates and build off the friendship and "the little things" might not go as he planned. I would not be just Oh ok, honey. I was now hurt and resentful and there is now a huge wall that we will have to deal with.
He thinks it would all be ok to do this.
So, anyhow, that is why and how I am here by myself, But I am ok.
The apartment idea was put aside because he said he wants to gift the house to me. So the plan is to refinance the house (our balance is less than 25,000 right now) and stay here and he will eventually get an apartment.
I still hate the idea of the legal separation, but I am no longer fighting it. He can have it, and he can have the space and time. I am keeping on.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
I am new to your thread - have read a little of your sitch. In my humble opinion you have done the right thing, the only thing left to do.
It's exactly what everyone keeps talking about - drop the rope, let him go, detach, go dark - and when you finally embrace these concepts and take them to heart and make a stand - WOW!
You WILL get stronger everyday.
Your H will do some deep soul searching now. Hopefully he will man-up and realize what he must do if he wants to WIN you back.
Standing Ovation!!
Me 56 H 47 Married 21 years No children Bomb & moved out 4/07 "My feelings have changed" & "I want to live by myself". Ow Bomb 8/07 H filed 6/08 D final 2/05/10
