You will have to connect me to the goings on there in VA Beach at the estro-fest via the DB-feed. Occasional posts to let me know how much fun I let you gals have by my not showing up and ruining it.
DH sent an email to S3 for his birthday. Initially I was annoyed by it, as he never acknowledged D9 and D17's birthdays right after the ship left.
However, I read the email to S2 and then typed whet he wanted to tell Daddy--here are those emails:
Quote:
S3, Daddy will give you a call this weekend. When are you having a party? I love you buddy and I wish I could be there with you for your birthday. You have a good day and tell your sisters they should be extra nice to you today!! I can’t be there to share a cake with you, so I’ve sent a picture of one. Have a great day S3. Love, Daddy *****************************************************************
Daddy-
My party is Saturday. G and G are coming.(inlaws) Baby cousin is coming. Aunt S is coming. Uncle R is coming. D5 is mean and sick. We are going to have cake.
I miss you come home.
S3
I also received an email asking about a payment amount for a bill--one that is set up for online access, so he could have looked it up himself. He also mentioned that there was a problem with his uniform allowance and he needs to come up with $800+ When I responded, I gave him the bill information he was looking for, I validated his misunderstanding over the uniform bill and signed off saying I hope that everything else was going okay.
So, Wednesday, I received a response to S3's email and emails for both of the little girls, too. I asked D17 if she had heard from him lately and she said no, that he is probably still to mad at her for the other emails and running way, but whatever, she is okay with it (BTW--NO she isn't).
Email to S3:
Quote:
S3,
Awesome!!! Sounds like you’ll have a good party then. I’m going to call you on Saturday to wish you a Happy Birthday! What time is your party at? D5 is mean and sick?LOL. What did she do that makes her mean?
I miss you too buddy.
Love,
Daddy
Email to D5:
Quote:
D5, S3 tells me that you’re being mean to him. I think you bake his birthday cake and clean his room for him. What do you think about that? Is that a good idea? I have a better one. You should give him a hug and tell him Happy Birthday. How are you doing? S3 said you are sick. Daddy has a sinus problem again and my head is all stuffy. I’ll talk to you on the phone real soon okay? You have a good day. Love Daddy
and finally, the one to D9:
Quote:
D9, How are you? Did you do anything special for S3 on his birthday? How’s school going for you? Did I ever tell you about all the dolphins I saw back at the beginning on November? Man! I was watching off the side of the ship and they were really close to us! There were tons of them and they were just jumping up out of the water everywhere. Sometimes they’d do flips and land on their backs! It was pretty cool, but it made me think of you also because I know how much you would have liked to see that. Anyways, I’ll be calling you soon and I forgot to tell D5 that I’m making another video for you guys. I’ll be making it tomorrow night so I’ll put it right in the mail on Friday. I’ll talk to you later. Love,
Dad
What the heck???? This is the same man that has not gone out of his way to send them much of anything up to this point. The kids did not want to answer them Wednesday, so I saved them and will ask them again tomorrow. Is he now going to manipulate the kids?? Who knows.
I have been praying about writing the letter to DH. I know in my mind that I have to drop the rope more than I have, but I am not sure that the letter is what God wants me to do. I will keep praying until I feel like I am doing God's will.
Blessings and love for all my friends!
SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
It is just weird that he started to email the kids like this. I knew the holidays would start to hit him, though. In the 13 years since we got married, he has not missed a single Christmas. For military, especially Navy, that is huge.
What is worse (or maybe not) since we started putting up the decorations, the kids are so excited that they did not want to take the time to respond to him.
As for a pattern--hhmmm-- I don't know, but why would you tell a 5 y/o you have a sinus infection?--she ain't gonna get what that is.
SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
Mike and I are gonna have to edumacate ya on the nuances of generalized patterns of male behavior that are more than likely showing up with the responses from DH.
Perhaps I will expound more explicitly later on today.
But suffice it to say ....and here is the key, that when placed in a situation that involves any amount of emotional stimuli (listen to the prof here ..LOL .. I am cracking myself up) how a female responds, reacts, acts, speaks, expresses, types is going to be MARKEDLY and MAJORLY different than how a male does when faced with the same stimuli.
Not that this should be unfamiliar news to you. But I thought it was worth mentioning :).
I particularly was fascinated on what sorta heads or tales you tried to make of DH's interaction or lack thereof in a couple of instances. .....
1) the mention of the disposition of R things between DH & D17 was one that drew my attn pertaining to the male vs female "take" on what is transpiring there
2) and then just your general apparent demeanor regarding DH's current level of interest in kid's b-days, events and such. Keep in mind, this all involves an emotional element (the expression of love (a rather big 1 actually)).
Guy's ..when trapsing around in emotional element kinda stuff often times don't know what way to turn. And if it confounds a guy enough he will more than likely choose to do zero.
Clearly this is not the case for women.
Lastly.. you are placing glass half empty mentality to all of this it sure seems. This seems plenty positive to me. Stop trying to telegraph where he's coming from. We (guys)will by and large be able to be "unreadable" to you. And if there was an instance when you thought you had the code cracked (even when armed with this info fm me and any others), we surely posess the ability to smoke-screen ya in a flash and have you back to confounded status just like that.
And it is only fair that this is the case because you girls are equally (and I am being rather nice here ..LOL) conversant in your own ....#$@& ...emotional dialect and responsiveness.
Here is the thing. I believe it was used in a Michelob Dry ad.
......"Why ask Why!"
(I try my best to pattern my thoughts around that one in terms of the male female understanding of stuff ...mach less hair pulling that way ...pure resignation to "I don't have a clear understanding & that;s fine with me"
I am running to bed for a lengthy hibernation. I hope there was something to gain from the gibberish. LOL
remember glass half full :). Peace & prayers as always.
actually T, you made a lot of sense, and you beat me to the punch.
Quote:
What the heck???? This is the same man that has not gone out of his way to send them much of anything up to this point. The kids did not want to answer them Wednesday, so I saved them and will ask them again tomorrow. Is he now going to manipulate the kids?? Who knows.
this is what I'm talking about. I know your confused, and this probably even angers your some because he has waited until now to do it. Your thinking, all this time he's been avoiding them, why now. Well, you've got to stop this type of thinking because you know it's not from God. You need to look at this for what it is. A POSITIVE. The only thing that I was thinking when I read each email, was that his R with d5 (just from these emails only as I have nothing else to base this on) seems much more distant then the others. I can obviously see that he feels much more connected with d9 as you've stated before. But his email to d5 was not very personable, but it might be because s3 said she was being mean.
But anyways, that wasn't my point. I want you to start seeing these positives as positives. If you start questioning why, your going to find yourself getting more angry, and that's not what you want. You will start leading yourself down that path that may not want him to come back.
I understand your tired. Who wouldn't be tired being in your shoes. You are carrying so much. You've got to continue letting go. And on your letter, why does it need to be now? He is gone anyways, and won't be back until spring, so IMHO if you feel inclined to write the letter to let him know your not just going to pretend anymore, then i would do that closer to his arrival.. like a month or two. But that's just me.
What are you looking for him to do in response to the letter? Are you just needing to let these feelings out and let him know for your own sanity? I can understand that.
I'm truly sorry that you are going thru this limbo. I sometimes, not often mind you, have wished that my sitch could have lasted longer so that I could have experienced the worst of it and yet still stand up successfully, and really have a great understanding of what many on here have/are going thru. I can't say that I understand your pain, as I'm not in your shoes, but I know it's hard, and I also know that God will get you thru it if you let him. Try not to take the lead, and I know that is the hardest thing to do.
love ya. make this a good weekend.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
actually T, you made a lot of sense, and you beat me to the punch.
who ..me?
what is the "actually ...." . I believe that preface to your remark was far from necessary.
Turn about is fair play. I know how to dish the stuff out so ...
Although I will always put a .."Ha HA ha" or "LOL" in their to be clear and you did not. Hhhmmmmmm?!.:
I bruise like a peach you know ...lol
Time to go lick my wounds. (Actually time to go sleep walk and try to finish out the week strong by getting a few things done, other than feeding myaddiction to this wonderful place.)
SMW - Things aren't great here, but I am stronger. If that actually makes any sense - he went to the lawyer on Monday and now I am moving out. WTF, doesn't he email and ask me to wait until after Christmas to move.
UGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! Talk to you soon.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
Jeesh SMW, I tried to find my post to you from a month before he left out. I think you forgot what we discussed in those back and forth posts.
I apologize in advance for this, but I just have to ask. Why do you even wonder why he is emailing the kids all of a sudden? Why are you thinking about him and what he is feeling or thinking at all right now?
I thought you were pretty clear on what YOU needed to do for yourself while he was away. I thought you recognized that this was an opportunity for you to simply let go and focus on yourself and your kids and not worry about your R at all.
I know your tired, I get that this is hard on you, and I understand that you just want everything to be ok. It's not though, your allowing someone who is 1000's of miles away to interfere with your golden opportunity to figure out how to make your life work.
I still firmly believe that if you take this time to build your life without him while he is gone and make your world livable for you and your kids while he is gone, then when he comes back you will be in a much stronger position to deal with all of the aspects of your marriage. In other words, it is to hard to deal with all of the what if's of not knowing what will happen in your marriage when you are scared about how you will get along without him. So reverse fields, figure out how to get along without him and then you can look at your marriage openly and honestly without all of the fears and concerns that you currently allow to play a roll in how you look at things.
I hope you understand what I am getting at here? I just do not want to see you blow a golden opportunity to finally give yourself the upper hand and take back control of your own life.
