Okay, when H came to pick up D12 this evening, she had just gotten out of the shower. I still have to help her wash her hair and definitely have to be the one combing it out--it's very thick and hip-length. So it took quite awhile, as it usually does. The whole time, H sat in his car in the driveway. It's freezing cold here, and snowing; he lived in this house for the past 13 years, but he can't come in now and wait inside? And we never actually talked about which evenings he'd have D this week, altho it looks like we have a Monday-Wednesday routine.
I really don't care if he chooses to sit in his car and freeze. I just think it's very very strange, that he'd rather freeze than acknowledge my existence as the mother of his child by having a normal exchange of conversation. WTF is that??
Tomorrow, D's school is having a special program for middle-school girls and their moms. Starts out with an educational presentation at a learning center (girls go by bus together, moms meet them there). Then back to school for pizza, bonding time with mom. Then they get letters that moms have solicited from relatives and adult friends, as well as one from mom--affirmation of who they are and who they are becoming as young women. So it's an educational, spiritual, emotional exercise, reinforcing the bonds between the girls themselves (most have been together at school since they were 4 year olds), and girls and their families. As well as reinforcing the message that altho society tells them they are all about their bodies, they are about so much in addition. I think it's a brilliant idea, put together by 2 of the teachers (both in their 20's). I found out it's in response to news that one of the 8th grade girls has been quite sexually active--but it's a pretty good response, I think. The title of the program? Pizza and PMS!
Since D's only family is on H's side, he had to contact his relatives to write the letters, which he was very glad to do. While the idea was that moms would bring the letters with them, D's notes went directly to school or to H. Maybe they didn't trust me to deliver them??! But whatever; I checked today, and they said she had "lots of letters" waiting for her at school. I can't wait to see her response!
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
Hmama, one thing I'm learning is that people are generally so busy thinking about themselves, that they rarely think of us.
I suppose he feels guilty. The freezing car is more palatable to his conscience than the warmth of your home.
I suspect, it has very little to do with acknowledging your existence. You are wonderful, whether or not he comes into the house.
Hugs
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
