I have been sleeping with a stuffed dog that DH gave me when I was pregnant with Mikki. DH was on deployment and sent me the puppy to keep me company. Whenever DH is not in bed with me, the dog is and has been. Don't sweat it.
SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
Yeah..I had this teddy bear that I would like to find..a stuffed "pooky" from Garfield that I gave to hub a long time ago when he was in the Marines and he would go out in the field..so for now I have a pillow
{{{{Wifey}}}} Hugs to you my friend..I would LOVE to get those hugs and a kiss too..man..gives me something to hold out hope for
So what did you do tonight for your GAL?
Tawnya
Me:39 H:40 D18/S12 M20/T21 Bomb 10/11/08 One Two Three Four
(((((((Kj))))))) I sleep with my teddy bear "Bella" whenever I am sad & need extra safe snuggling. My H knows that when I am holding her, I am extra fragile emotionally. My kids think it's perfectly normal to have a lovie as a grown woman.
It's symbolic of course. Our teddy or dolly is the inner child in us. When we hold & cuddle that teddy we are holding & cuddling our own inner identity seed. The one God created. The one we were meant to be before our identity was crushed, before we were shamed, or hurt, or neglected, or even guilt tripped by loving caring parents.
Even the best intention parents screw up their kids slightly. It's how we all grow & heal & find the real us.
What's your teddies name ?
Love ya
(wanna have a teddy bear tea party ?)
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
My inner child is hurting so bad that I am having the hardest time seeing past my own hurt to his. I have to soothe the little girl that felt abandoned, unworthy of love, time or attention a good part of her life.
At the same time, I absolutely have to see and acknowledge his hurt. Because when I read your threads, and those of the other WA's I know how he must have felt to get to the point of wanting to separate. The pain and the guilt are killing me.
You know, I'm just me. I'm not rich, I'm not perfect, I maybe weigh all of about 102 right now. My marriage is hanging by a very thin thread and I'm scared.
He needs peace. I want to give him that. I have to give him that. I love him so much.
Doesn't change the fact that I don't know how to handle this pain and my own fears, and the past that keeps threatening to swallow me whole.
I pray to my Father in Heaven that he reach out and hold me and comfort me. Give me Your strength and carry me when I can no longer crawl.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
My inner child is hurting so bad that I am having the hardest time seeing past my own hurt to his. I have to soothe the little girl that felt abandoned, unworthy of love, time or attention a good part of her life.
At the same time, I absolutely have to see and acknowledge his hurt. Because when I read your threads, and those of the other WA's I know how he must have felt to get to the point of wanting to separate. The pain and the guilt are killing me.
You know, I'm just me. I'm not rich, I'm not perfect, I maybe weigh all of about 102 right now. My marriage is hanging by a very thin thread and I'm scared.
He needs peace. I want to give him that. I have to give him that. I love him so much.
Doesn't change the fact that I don't know how to handle this pain and my own fears, and the past that keeps threatening to swallow me whole.
I pray to my Father in Heaven that he reach out and hold me and comfort me. Give me Your strength and carry me when I can no longer crawl.
Rule #1 sweetie, save yourself first ! Put on your own oxygen mask, then try to help him with his.
Guilt is there to help us know that we'll do differently next time. Let it go. It's toxic.
You are a good & beautiful person.
But..... you cannot give him peace. He has to find that for himself. He's not perfect either. He has 100% responsibilty for his 50% of the relationship.
Hugs & Love
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
I am ok right now. Its been a very long day so far. Considering I was up at 4 I'm not surprised.
Yesterday I had an interesting email from "Ginny." She is the woman that I suspected wanted more than just a friendship with my husband. He, of course, always said they were just friends, wanted nothing more, and had really backed way off from her because of how I felt about their friendship.
Apparently my instincts were right about her. She sent me an email set to notify her when it had been read. She told me that she had the ability to retract and delete the email after it was read, would deny ever sending it to me, and that my husband would believe her because he did want me any more.
Suffice it to say that she cut and pasted or blind carbon copied me on her reply to some recent emails between her and my H.
There wasn't anything awfully damaging in them, but enough to get the idea that they have talked more than he let on, and that she seemed to know an awful lot about our situation.
Damn if she didn't retract and delete the email too!
I did tell my h about it and he did believe me. He apologized that it happened and was completely floored that she would do this. He said, "My friendship with her has changed and basically right now I don't want her in my life at all."
He ended up in tears after we talked when I got home. I frankly felt like she was trying to drive me crazy so she could pursue my husband.
I just don't know how I should feel about it. At least I didn't go with my first instinct to drive to her house and beat her up. And I would have made sure her husband knew about her confiding in my husband about their problems. Strange, once I calmed down I felt really sorry for her. She is quite pitiful.
I'll write more on this later. I have to head out to meet someone for coffee on the way home.
I'm fine right at the moment. I've been working so hard and that has helped me keep busy.
KJ
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
