A in Ohio -

[Hope4us]

I'm in in NE Ohio.

Me too! I'm just a few miles south of the NFL HOF. You any where near there?

Ok, so my W's OM isn't your W's OM as he's moved to S. Ohio, but I'll still be glad to give your W's OM the a** kicking he deserves if you'd like.....ok, just kidding...I think...

I know I've read where sometimes a man will leave his W without someone waiting in the wings, but most of the time, women will not leave their current relationship unless they have another man in the picture. Not always, but most of the time. With how your W is being, it would really, really surprise me if she didn't have this lined up before she walked.

I know how you feel when it comes to questions/discussions with your kids. Mine are pretty much adults and it was still something I didn't want to do, let them know what was going on. So I waited until I was ready to file for D before telling them (7 months after I'd discovered the A). But me telling them is the thing that finally ended W's A. It was physically over for probably 3 months, but W kept trying to arrange meets with OM (who already had a new GF while still scr*wing my W) so I told the boys what was going on, had an appointment with an attorney and was going to file. But when the boys told her that they would never speak to her again if we divorced and she hooked up with OM, it ended the EA that was still going on.

Don't think younger kids knowing what's going on will have as much of an affect on a WS's A, but I still firmly believe they need to know the truth, in an age appropriate manner.

But it's tough either way.

Hang in there A.

[A in Ohio]

Hopeforus - I'm North of Akron.....

Get another message from W to OM.....

"im glad u understand. im glad it wont cause tension because i dont want to fight with you. i dont like disapointing people at all! of course you can be included with the kids on my weekends! u were before and they always had a blast with u. i would give you everything in me to make us work if there was ever a problem. just like i have done with him. i do not think at all that i belong with car. i took that chance to see and it was very clear to me that i will have to fight the rest of my life for him to love me for me...i cant do that especially because i know someone that does love me for me..and stuck by my side even after i dumped him...btw...i was a jerk for doing that and im sorry! im so happy you stayed in my life and didnt say goodbye to me for good!. im a very lucky gal! call me after you read this..xoxoxo ;)"

The line about fighting for him to love me is accurate right now. W wasn't committed to coming back, I was just an insurance policy.

I love how they are already using the kids as pawns in their game.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

SCRIPT.

I didn't know that OM didn't like kids. That's HUGE. My wife's OM actually tried to tell my wife that she was spending too much time with her kids, and with her parents. Unbelievable, what a POS. Her parents were 85 at the time, and just distraught over the knowledge of their daughter's affair, and the piece-o'crap was trying to tell her to DISTANCE herself from them, AND from her children.

Puppy

[A in Ohio]

Any advice Puppy? Read all your stuff and see so much of myself in the early Puppy. Only major diff is your W's A was at work and mine is w/ BFF brother. My W seems to much more impatient and emotional as well.

Reading OM's stuff, he is so non comittal and then says "I was holding back" afterward. I think W is getting played.

[gucci loafer]

Textbook. All affairs and love relationships sound like this..
She has been confiding and whining and complaining to the OM about what she doesn't like in her relationship with you...

As is typical, he then shows her that he is the opposite of you on each and every issue. Typical. Script. She tells him what she doesn't like about her current relationship... Bingo... He tells her that he would "never" be like that... never...

Total WS script... This is what they always say and this is what they always do.

All in all.. No surprises. This is an affair. The kids will slowly get on his nerves. It is only natural, because they are not his. He will then slowly begin to tell her how to raise them or discipline them or this or that.... She will try to please him in the beginning, but slowly eat away at her no matter how much she wants to please him... The kids will be a huge benefit to you in this. They will naturally irritate him.

This will be a big stress on the relationship. BIG....

No home of their own. Both going throught divorce. small kids in the picture that are not his.....

Recipe for disaster... Let it happen. Stand strong. Do not share.
Honeymoon period. There always is. Their texts and emails back and forth are already pointing to problems. He is lying to her and trying to get her to believe he would never do the things she complains about regarding you. Typical script of a man trying to woo a woman.

[A in Ohio]

What do you mean by "do not share". What is acceptable to share? Only talks about the kids?

[Puppy Dog Tails]

A,

I'm still on the road, and just checking the board briefly this morning before heading back over to the ballfields. Our team keeps winning, so there's one more at 1pm and then if we win that one, it's the Championship Game at 4pm. REAL tough assignment, tho -- we'll be distinct underdogs.

I'll try to check back in later tonite, when we're back. You're in great hands with Gooch when it comes to the kind of advice I would give you anyway.

Puppy

[Neilh23]

A...sorry to pirate, but this struck me...

The kids will slowly get on his nerves. It is only natural, because they are not his. He will then slowly begin to tell her how to raise them or discipline them or this or that.... She will try to please him in the beginning, but slowly eat away at her no matter how much she wants to please him... The kids will be a huge benefit to you in this. They will naturally irritate him.

Gucci...when you get a sec..check my thread out. I have a lot of similarties with A. My W is dating OM....since i moved out in March. Many of her closest friends are leaving left and right. W in fact has difficulty making and keeping close friends (her issues..i know) her parents aren't happy with her choices, yet still support her. two kids....3.5 and 2.5. any advice would be greatly appreciated....i'm struggling at this point....and fo rthe life of me, i don't know why.

thanks...

[A in Ohio]

At church today the pastor gave a great sermon on how we all try to take things out of God's hands. This made me think of past R issues with W, when things were good I got controlling and took it out of God's control. I thought about earlier in the week, when W told me about A. I punished her, pushed her, became week and needy. I took it out of God's hands again. I made a self destructive impression on it. Great sermon at a great time.

I particapated in the annointing of the sick today. I need to heel from the emotional trama so I can not get caught up in W's drama. SD8 asked why I cried afterward (she sure is direct:) ). I just told her I'm tired of being mad and want to be happy. SD8 said, "Well if we're bad for mommy and OM, they won't like each other any more." I laughed and told her she needed to be a good child because it's the right thing to do. God will take care of us.

Typical day.... OM and W interaction (honeymoon).. Around 11:00 this morning.

W: did you get my text? thank you for the heart on my car...you are a sweetheart!
OM: Are you at home? I wish I had some flowers or something to put in your car.
W: Im home now., gonna work soon. so dont reply here, I will email you from work. xoxox I wanted to pull you down this morning to lay with me, but I knew you had to leave..

Looks like W stayed at BFF's last night and slept on the couch. W HAS to feel like a fool over there. They all know she's bouncing back and forth between two men.

Enough of that. I know what's going on and I'll continue to monitor it.

So then I get a "punishment" text at 10:49. "What time you bringing them? Are you bringing the stuff too (christmas stuff)? Or should I pick it up."

I think I'm just going to pack the crap up so she quits bugging me about it. I also want to confront her about daycare arragements. Currently, my brother watches the kids after school at my house. The problem is that I end up watching them when I should be working. This is added anxiety that's not helping me right now. It will also keep me from seeing W everday to seeing her twice a week. I think it will beneficial to me. Any thoughts?

So OM's nickname for W is CP. I was thinking of calling her CP when she wants me to make family decisions. I would use CP= Custodial Parent. Is that immature? Probably.

Still not sure about the sharing advice.

[A in Ohio]

Created a small crisis and added a little mystery....

Replied to W's text...."Dropping them off around 6. We'll need the new sitter in place by 12/14. I won't be home in time to get the kids but I will make S6's denist appt."

W: "Where will you be on the 14th."
ME: "Sorry, should have been more clear. It's not a one day change for the sitter. We have to find someone different."
W: "I know but where will u b?"

If W didn't care about "us", she wouldn't be asking questions. This was one of her validations for A. Said that we weren't asking each other what we were doing. It could be all BS too. None the less, it has her interest.

W also deleted all communications from OM. Left the sent items.

Off to have a snowball fight.