Land of confusion

[redhottie]

Good job on insisting to go to your family. It wil be fun to get away from the mess and be wih loved ones again. And it will be for your H to be familyless during Thanksgiving.

I dont know what to say about your H. Maybe tough love could be the answer?
xxx
K

I don't know what to say about him either K. I have decided I won't shut the door completely. Today I told D she could send H a text telling him he could come for dinner if he brought dinner. I felt it was a pretty big risk because I knew he had been watching a football game w/ coworkers in the afternoon. There was a big chance of rejection. H sent a message back pretty quickly asking what we wanted him to pick up. He called on the way sounding peeved that he couldn't find the place where he was to pick up dinner. He had never been there before as it is near MY house. He ended up finding it and blamed not being able to find it on the fact that they didn't have a lit up sign. He sat down and ate with us and stayed a little longer than I thought he would.

So now I plan to lay low and see what H says and does over the next few days.

[redhottie]

Hi everyone. I have cut way back on my time online. Sorry for so little contact, just something I need for now. Thanksgiving was great. The Ds and I went to lunch at a friend's the day before then headed out of town to my brother's house. We spent the holiday with his family and his ILs. It was nice to be with a normal family instead of H's. None of MIL's mood swings or BIL's and his wife's obnoxiousness. I can't tell you how many times H called while we were gone. Too many times to count.

When we got back it was H's weekend. I deck the halls and had fun doing new things in the new house. The Ds and I decorated the tree on Monday and the house looks great.

H invited my to his house for breakfast last weekend when he had the Ds. Then this week he invited me to dinner with them. Not sure what all of his calls and invites mean. I know the only way I will find out is by asking him. It is something I will have to do soon, because I don't want the Ds getting their hopes up.

[redhottie]

I forgot to mention...I met H 23years ago today. I doubt he remembers or cares. To be honest I barely remember that it is today. I'm not bothered by the fact that H doesn't care, but I can still picture the meeting like it was yesterday.

[BobbiJo]

Hey Red, I hear you about getting the D's confused by all the time you spend together. On one hand, the end goal, I suppose, is that if we get divorced, we keep family times as nice and comfortable as possible because it is really good for everyone to be able to stay close and enjoy some family times.

(I always think of Bruce Willis and Demi Moore when I say that--Bruce went to Demi's wedding and they spend birthdays and stuff together all the time from what you see in the magazines, but I digress )

But when you aren't divorced yet, I struggle with what is nice together time and what is allowing for cake-eating...I am glad he invited you over to his place, I don't remember you mentioning that before. I would guess if you asked him why he was inviting you over and spending time with you, he would deflect or say something about how he still cares about you even if he doesn't want to be married....some other sort of stall tactic like my H uses...

I wonder sometimes if they are sad confused little people or just want to play family without having the commitment......

[Kalni]

I wonder sometimes if they are sad confused little people or just want to play family without having the commitment......

They are on selfish mode. I think it is the latter.
K

Liz, you sound so much stronger I am proud of you.

[redhottie]

Thanks K! You sound like my T.

BBJ, if I looked like Demi and had a new young H, I guess I wouldn't care what H's motive is

[redhottie]

I guess I'll do a weekly update. The week was pretty uneventful, although H did a business trip which he just let me know about the day of. I was only overnight and didn't change the visit schedule. I thought it would though because of miscommunication.

H actually told both Ds some items that he would like for Christmas. That is unusual for him. Of course they had already bought a couple of things for him. I told them they could get some more since he actually expressed some interest in a something.

D also told me that H had mentioned something that I wanted for the house. I was surprised that he had because he usually remembers nothing of what I say. He had also mentioned something else that I want, but he thought I would be offended since it is exercise equipment. If I didn't know better I would think he was trying to be thoughtful.

[BobbiJo]

Wow, what I have to look forward to............... No it is good that you and your H are still friendly, that is the best thing for the kids and everything, right?

I am being lazy and doing a lot of online shopping this year. Granted it is -7 so who wants to go outside anyway?

Any snow days yet? none for us...

[redhottie]

Wow, what I have to look forward to............... No it is good that you and your H are still friendly, that is the best thing for the kids and everything, right?

I am being lazy and doing a lot of online shopping this year. Granted it is -7 so who wants to go outside anyway?

Any snow days yet? none for us...

No snow days yet BBJ. I am off for two weeks now so I will rest up. I haven't had much of a voice for a week, hopefully it will come back soon.

[redhottie]

Things I learned this week....

1. I can make new friends and look forward to having fun. We are planning a girls night over vacation.

2. I can actually go out and have fun. I went to a Christmas party with my former staff on Friday. I enjoyed some wine and had a great time. Went out after the party and even danced.

3. Meet a guy while dancing and danced with him. That felt really good. He wanted to meet up the next night to see the same band but I didn't think I would be able to.

4. Can't rely on H. Said he would have Ds at his house lastnight but weaseled out. Made different arrangements and went out for a couple of hours.

5. H isn't the only tool in the world. Met up with the guy from Friday and realized he was a jerk. Should have just let it go with the fun on Friday, but at least Friday was fun.

6. H continues to be a source of confusion. He invited me to dinner on Saturday which I actually did. H asked who he needed to buy gifts for in his family. Bought me a snowblower. Keeps calling all day today and is getting on my nerves.

7. I am getting closer to filing.