Not doing so good today. We had a R talk and he is certain and I can't reach him. He wants to separate.
More later.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
KJ, dont go and hide on me, talk to me sis, tell me what happened. I have heard that so many times the past year, and some part of him is still here, so i havent believed his words yet. i love you girlie, here for you.
M 36 XH 34 3 children If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand. Mark 3:25 "your mood swings are giving me whiplash" twilight ALIVE FREE AND HAPPY 2010
Hey, I totally understand still being shakey at times. I feel exactly the same way. Patience, Faith & Honor. Great motto to live by even if we weren't living the life that we are today. It sounds to me like you have rebuilt a strong foundation to live by.
By the way, he is probably taking a long time in the outhouse because he brought the newspaper in with him.
Peace and Love
Mark
M: 52 W: 45 M: 21 yrs D: 20 S: 17 D: 15 OM Started 02/2008 Bomb: 5/1/2008 W Moved out: 6/10/2008
Thanks for being concerned everyone. I'm ok, really. He just believes that he is done. He went out of his way to tell me so. Well, I'm still in the house and I don't intend to leave. He seems to think he has all the time in the world to drag his feet on this. It is starting to get so old.
I've made my share of mistakes in my M, I know I have, but I have owned up to them. So far he hasn't said word one about his mistakes because he is the one wronged here, he is the one that was hurt, and he is the one that just wants to throw away 26 years.
I am just trying to stay calm now and go about my business. Work is busy and stressful and it will keep me from going crazy. (I hope.) My faith is stronger than ever and I am going to put my faith in the Lord to resolve this sitch however he sees it best to work out.
I did melt down and cry this weekend, but he will not see that again from me unless I'm crying tears of joy over something. I've built a protective shell over my heart the last couple of days and he can't have it back without some significant effort on his part. I don't see that happening any time soon.
He wants to blame me for his poor relationship with his son is the worst thing, really. Because my son loses out here, he loses out on having a Dad he can count on.
If I don't have to work too late I may be on again later.
Just keep praying everyone.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
remember, KJ....WAS's always, always, ALWAYS say they are certain. stop trying to reach him, cause, kiddo, you won't.
Hey wifey! I agree with Neilh23. Don't talk to them about R. It triggers fear and bad memories and the WAS feels trapped and project it back to you as manipulation. I know you didn't mean it that way and they don't want to react that way...but they do.
Just...avoid...it. Focus on the 180s. Let the WAS react how they want to react and just let it flow over you and not into you.
I bought on book recently on the topic of original play and discovering that inner child again. The first sentence I read was "Original play does not resolve conflicts. It makes them obsolete". So I'm working on figuring out how to make this happen. It seems to make sense. The book is by O. Fred Donaldson and called Playing by Heart.
Esky
H42 W36 M9 yrs D8 D5 d-day: 21/11/07 S and moved out: 22/2/08 Still S: 22/11/10
Guys. I am off to home, but taking home a pile of work. LOL I would rather be up for hours in my jammies doing this stuff than here in the office. Supposed to have my divorce care support group tonight but there's no way I can go tonight. A quick post and then I'm off.
I realized tonight that he really is a bit delusional if he thinks he can separate, divorce, and then rebuild the relationship at that point. He is trying to come to grips with pain that started for him in 2003, when I was a WAW for 2 months. (Long story, read back in my threads or I could clarify if someone is completely lost - when I can find time to come up for air.)
How does he think he can heal his pain by inflicting worse pain on me and then hope to have anything left to build on? I am nearly out of my mind with all of this some times. But I am really, really clear on what I want to have happen.
I have no control or choice about what he is going to do. I see it, I understand it, I accept it. That doesn't make it any more painful.
I do have some choices of my own, though. I love him, I stand for my M, I hate all of what is going on, but I will make it clear to him ( at some point - not tonight) that his choices will be a new beginning for us, or the end of us.
I will love him the rest of my life no matter what he decides. But I really find it hard to believe that I ever could trust him again if he decides to file any kind of legal paperwork, whether for S or D.
I will pray for my H tonight and for all my dear friends here. BabyGirl, Poet, Cookie, Neil, SMW, all of you.... I am sorry I am neglecting you right now. My main job is budgeting for my company and I am in the thick of it. I have 110 budgets to work on from now through the end of December. I will probably be up until 11 just getting done today's work.
I love you all. Remember to include myself and my husband Bill in your prayers.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
Wow you are inundated with mountains of work. Probably good that you will be thoroughly wrapped up w/ the work so that you do not come any more unglued than you and the rest of us already are.
I am sure you do great work. Budgets huh, a #'s girl I usually like that kinda stuff. Well, take good care of yourself. Do some ocassional fun stuff. Remember it is the little stuff which can produce unthinkable joys.
I'll be lifting your family up in prayer. Trust and obey.
