The D is dismissed. Now what?

[glamgirl]

Upside I see you where I was about 4-6 months ago. I do know that as they reconnect more and more you find more patience and understanding along the way.

It makes the stance easier and more tolerant when you see progress and they are trying.

Your h is trying. Give him that credit. Maybe not like you would like, but he hasn't given up.

It didn't take days for your m to get this way, so it won't take days to repair.

Nobody would question if you gave up, but you are so close Upside. Could you find it deep inside you on giving your h some more patience.

Your h could just be around that corner. Hang in there, you do have amazing positives going on!

Hugs!

[Upside]

Hey glam-
I would hate to think that my H and I still have another year of living apart...I don't think I can take it.

I am trying to give my H credit but it is soooo frustrating when all of the obstacles that have been keeping us apart seem to be disappearing and there is progress but he still continues to put up more road blocks.

It didn't take days for your m to get this way, so it won't take days to repair.

That's just it. The M wasn't really the problem and my H even admits that. Sure it wasn't perfect and we (more me) have been working on correcting the problems. My H will even acknowledge the changes in me...but he still won't let himself take down the wall.

My H told me at C the other night that his D asked if just the two of them could take the Christmas trip. He tries to find ways to justify it but he knows...he knows that he lets his D control him and that it was wrong for him to avoid discussing it with me. I am not the only one who needs to change and grow to make our M better.

I'm not giving up but words can not express my frustration. Sometimes I think giving up would be easier although painful. At least then though, you would know you would eventually heal. The way things are now, we cycle where things are good for awhile and then wounds are reopened. Grrr!!!

Your h could just be around that corner. Hang in there, you do have amazing positives going on!

A while ago someone on the board passed on a bit of wisdom saying "Don't give up 5 minutes before the miracle." This has been a long 5 minutes...and it isn't even over yet.

[Upside]

Late this afternoon I did what I said I wasn't going to do and I called my H. I kept it light and he told me he was having difficulties on a case and he had been kind of depressed about it. We talked for a few minutes and he said he would call me later. He did call me later and we talked for awhile. During our conversation my little Yorkie whimpered at the door wanting to be let out so I let him out. A minute later I hear him yipping in the backyard. I tell my H I have to go and I run screaming into the backyard. I found my 3 lbs. little dog in a heap, bleeding. I scoop him up and call my S. We rushed him to the vet but he was already dead. I can't believe it. I never saw what attacked him but we think it may have been a racoon or possum (though I've never seen one here). My dog thinking he was so much bigger than he was, went out to defend his territory...only whatever it was got the best of him. Thank goodness my S was here because I don't handle these things well. I called my H back to let him know...he is devastated too...he loved the dog. I dread telling my D tomorrow (she was at her dad's and had already gone to bed before this happened and I didn't want to wake her)...she has been having health problems and I am afraid of the effect this could have on her.

My dog was so sweet and had such a personality. He will be missed by many. I am so sad.

[glamgirl]

OMG Upside how horrible about your dog. I am so sorry this happened. I know the pain. I lost my bichon that I had to put to sleep in January. I am still saddened over his loss though!

I don't know what to say! Hugs!

[Upside]

Hi glam-
I am sorry to hear about the loss of your dog. That must have been hard to have him put down.

It has been a rough day...the worst was telling my D. She took it very hard. My H called a couple of times today to check on us...I know he is taking it hard too. A member of our family has died and I miss him.

[peacetoday]

Upside
So Sorry about your dog
thoughts and Prayers are being sent to your family
peace

[Upside]

Thanks peace! Hope you are well.

[Upside]

I have been sensing something strange is going on with my H. I didn't know if it was the events of Monday (my reacting to himsnot discussing his Christmas plans with me prior to making reservations for him and his D), the problems he has been having on a case or the death of our dog. This week he has been really backing away from me but things made a lot more sense when I spoke with my H this morning. My H had previously told me that his partner and his W were having marriage difficulties and recently separated. This news had really surprised me because my H had always decribed his partner's wife as his partner's biggest cheerleader and that they had a great M...BUT recently the demands of the business were interferring with their relationship just like it was with ours. My H told me this morning that his partner is having an affair with someone (MOW) who works for one of their clients (MLC???) and has put the client relationship in jeopordy. My H may have to step in and try to salvage things with the client when his work load is already overwhelming. My H is justifiably extremely angry at his partner for a multitude of reasons.

My H's anger that was subsiding is now resurfacing...only difference is that it isn't directed toward me. He still just wants to be left alone.

I feel bad for my H. I feel bad for the W of my H's partner. My H said he tried to talk to and explain that he would just be doubling whatever problems he has if he divorces his W. Hmmm...my H should listen to his own advice.

I can not believe the difference a week makes. Last week my H and I were away from here and everything felt so right and comfortable...now it feels like our world has somehow changed...again. When I called my H this morning, he made it sound like he didn't know when he would have the time or energy for me...he said maybe I could talk to him for an hour tomorrow. I asked if he wanted to go to our regular C appointment on Monday and at first he said he didn't know if he would have the time. Later he told me that maybe he would go for C and then go back to work. I couldn't help but ask if there was any reason to go to C when he doesn't have time to work on the M. He said he would let me know. I tried to explain to my H today that things would be easier if we were living together. He implied that it would be difficult for me to handle his anger and him wanting to be alone...maybe so.

And to top it off, if my H is on overload now, it will on get worse because he has 3 back to back trials starting at the end of this month. His only time off will be spent with his D when they go away together at Christmas.

I have mulled over all the scenarios in my head...do I just keep doing what I am doing? Do I say enough is enough? Do I just go out and re-establish a life without him? This feels so cruel...to be tossed crumbs with the insinuation that there will be more coming. I feel like I can't do anything because of my H's current situation.

Looks like I have to detach, GAL, have no expectations, blah, blah, blah. Will this roller coaster ever end???

[peacetoday]

Upside
the working and overworking is a tough situation
and his partner having an affair with an emplyee of a client also sounds like a very disturbing situation for your H
he may be distracted for a while as he processes his work situation
It just sounds like he is overwhelmed
Maybe you could pursue more of your own life while allowing for your H to reconnect in his way and time
I know it is frustrating, but you really have nothing to lose by giving this more time
Your H is coming around and this little setback seems to be more work related than anything else
I would be supportive of h
and then do someething special for you
remember, you too have had a very exhausting weekend and need extra care and time to grieve your dog.,
so tkae it slow and be easy on you
peace

[glamgirl]

Upside don't get discouraged. Your h is making progress. Try to look at what is on your h's plate. Trials, more work load, issues with his partner, and then you!

He is overloaded right now. My best advice is to step back and be supportive. Is there anything you could do to help him prepare for his trials.

Yes have no expectations. I am still hearing my h say things in c like he is not sure if he can get beyond the anger. How can we move forward if he is still hanging on to the anger.

Detach and GAL. You are doing good! This takes loads of patience. You do have many positives.