sending prayers your way. we have been at this about the same amount of time. It sounds like our H's are pretty much in the same place. My H comes and goes, we are freindly with each other. He says he's not been talking to OW. ? No papers filed. He says he's fine with the sitch. If I want to change it, change it.
I am with you...how long do we let it continue????
best wishes for you TOH
M41 H42 D17 Adopted N14 M22 T24 "Bomb" 4/07 Sep 8/07 Admitted OW 11/07(only to me) OW back 12/4/07 PA on off thru 7/08 says done w/OW but not coming home 8/08 D final 7/09 Moving on and up!!
Peace, so sorry you are feeling unsettled. Try, if you can to be still. Not for your h, for you. Pull back a little. Maybe he should feel that you are moving forward.
If you are not sure what to do today, do nothing. Wait a day or two and see how it looks.
It is hard all this. Even harder to go through for months and months. Take a little time to clear your head. Do something for you.
Anyone who can offer any suggestions to this ..I appreciate
Our D is processing..H filed in June after I asked him to Then he stalled and never replied to my L petition for months I always felt he is confused..doesnt want to come home but isnt sure about D..he would like to keep it in limbo -i think I sense partly because of financial..he stands to lose almost everything,,so that might be the reason for stall..so I was going to leave the stall till 2009 and not push D
Anyway, I got a letter from L saying mandatory court hearing in 2 weeks and we both H and I have to go the L secretary says you cant file and just leave D in limbo so the courts( this outside influence) is pushing D through
anyway- I feel like I need to tell H again even though I have said it and so has L
that I do not want D I still believe we could work on our M no matter what has happened in this almost 2 years of his withdrwal from the R, we can overcome it I am still here
What do you guys think? peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Peace, why do you feel you need to push for D? Is that what YOU want? If you don't then leave it alone.
If your h really wants a D he will pursue it. I don't know anything about the D in limbo, but what happens if you both don't show?
Me personally wouldn't push for something that I didn't want. If you want a D, then push.
I have been at this for 2+ years and am still very long way off from h moving home. It takes so much patience and loving unconditionally.
My h 8 months ago couldn't see himself ever moving home. Not so sure he feels that today.
Is it possible for you to live your life as if your h is never returning, but being your h's friend? Not worrying what he is up to or how he is living. I know that is hard, but really go on with your life and just maybe he might want to return.
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
Hey peace- Do you think that the only incentive your H has for not pulling the trigger is financial? You have always said how generous he has been to you and the kids. You live in the house...he lives in a rented room or apartment...right? Would he be worse off financially if the D went through? It doesn't sound like it. I believe your H is afraid of the same thing my H is...making a committment. I think the only real difference is that my H needs to keep a connection by giving me crumbs and your H keeps the connection by coming to your house using the kids as the excuse.
IMO, you have to listen to your gut. If you aren't ready to let completely go of the M, then don't proceed with the D. If you are ready to move on and close the door (at least for now) then go forward with the D. Your post makes it sound like you are not ready to completely give up...if that is so, then let the D drop and see what happens.
Peace if YOU are not ready to be D, then DON"T! Do what feels right in your heart. Then let time tell the tale. It is D*mb hard to do, but if you don't want the D then you really have no other choice. We can't MAKE them decide, if we try we may not like the response we get.
(((Peace))) TOH
M41 H42 D17 Adopted N14 M22 T24 "Bomb" 4/07 Sep 8/07 Admitted OW 11/07(only to me) OW back 12/4/07 PA on off thru 7/08 says done w/OW but not coming home 8/08 D final 7/09 Moving on and up!!
Glam and upside thanks I hear you guys, but how do I let it drop when we have a court appearence and I cant not show? I am seeing my L on wednesday..since my H never pursued the petition and blew it off, I wonder if I could file a motion to extend or stall in some way indefinitely..I dont think H will counter petition since he has not pursed it..then it gets so expensive. Upside You have a point..with what you said but im not sure why H didnt pursue D..I think its just avoidence--like not wanting to fill out the paperwork..not wanting it final I sense in my gut..H still isnt sure..but he knows this is what married people do if one partner is having an A or checked out peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
I think your right Peace, I feel my H is stuck this way too. But I also believe that it is just easier for them to stay in this limbo than to end with OW and make a commitment to come back to the M.
My H swore sooo many many times that he was NOT coming home. That it was OVER. It may be too hard for him to go against his own word, and his belief that it is over. That and the fact that SOOO many have told him that he should go back home.
I think it really is a pride, guilt, and cowardly thing with them. I just pray that one day our H's will find the strength to do what is right, whatever that may be...
M41 H42 D17 Adopted N14 M22 T24 "Bomb" 4/07 Sep 8/07 Admitted OW 11/07(only to me) OW back 12/4/07 PA on off thru 7/08 says done w/OW but not coming home 8/08 D final 7/09 Moving on and up!!
Like I said, your H and my H are both afraid of the committment. My H doesn't want to commit to coming back and your H doesn't want to commit to ending it. They are stuck but hopefully still trying to figure it out.
I have no answers on how to stall or dismiss the D when you aren't the petitioner. Have you talked to your L about what your options are?
You think your H's indecision is about avoidance. Why do most people avoid things? I think most of the time it is because they are unsure of what they are doing. If that is the case, you may still need to give your H more time to figure things out. If you have had enough, then you have every right to move on. I'm not sure you are there.
