I'm sorry, but I don't think Bworl has EVER told FIB to divorce his wife....much less told him to "divorce now". My interpretation was that he was pointing out that FIB's wife's actions are not those of a woman wanting to or, much less trying to, save her marriage.
You're absolutely right, the first time the words "divorce now" were used, was by me.
But the point I am making still stands. bworl said sometimes moving on is in the best interests of those who are being continually abused by a spouses poor behavior. which is true. Abuse is no good. The question is, what is abuse and how much is too much?
and of course it is an individual decision. The most personal decision in the world.
SirPrizeMe, I totally agree w/ what Bworl wrote. "SOMETIMES moving on IS in the best interest of those who are being continually abused by a spouse's poor behavior."
And, what YOU said is very true, as well...it is an individual decision. I came from a m that was abusive in a lot of ways. Only at the time, I didn't see everything that was going on...I was TOO close to the sitch. Many people tried many times to point things out to me that weren't right. Now that I am away from that, I can see what others tried so hard to tell me.
No one here wants to see FIB and his w divorce. But, we DO want FIB to find some peace (and happiness) in his life. As my therapist told me once, HE will know when enough is enough.
Wasn't trying to argue w/ you SirPrizeMe.
FIB, we are here for you! Keep being the man that you are!
We spoke last night and so I understand how really hurt you are right now.
Discussions about "standing" or not are doing FIB no good folks. No good at all. FIB was just hit by a piano pushed from a building; so he doesn't need to hear that it is safe to stand in that same spot again tomorrow.
His W sicked the dogs on him. Don't blame the lawyers or the judge. His W is behind this. She is taking him to the cleaners. She intends to take his house, his kids, and whatever money she can find. Then she will have him thrown in jail for hiding the rest of the imaginary money. If he avoids jail, she will demand for him to pay her mortgage and monthly support. She is using the fact that he is a doctor against him - he must be rich, he must be a poor father b/c he works long hours, he used his medical knowledge and his doctor buddies against her in an attempt to paint her as a psycho or something. She is stealing his stuff to use against him. She is making his life a living hell. And her father is taking his pound of flesh as well and most likely financing this to boot.
Yea FIB ... continue to "stand" in your nightmare.
It really does little good to say I have stood in your shoes. To be a victim of a court system where mom usually wins and dad loses. A system where the mom can do no wrong and the dad must be hiding something or doing something wrong. A system that assumes the man is lying at best.
It really does little good to say I understand how hurt you are. How things were placed in court records painting me out to be just a step above a common criminal. How the woman I loved painted me to be a monster. How someone I trusted betrayed that trust. How she believes, along with the court, that it is best for the kids not to see their father at least 50% of the time.
It really does little good to say that this will pass and things will get better b/c right now that does not seem possible.
All I can say is that I am proud to know you.
I am proud that you took a blow that would have destroyed a lesser man.
I am proud that you continue to treat that bit!h with respect and love.
I am proud that you are modeling the correct behavior for your children.
I am proud you are staying the high road - with chin up.
Remember Maximus.
From General to a beaten slave.
Yes Frank, one day you will see light. One day you will scream to the crowd:
I don't think I've ever posted to you before, but I saw a comment on another thread about "what FIB went thru yesterday" so I wanted to stop by and just offer some support.
This is rough.
Filing for divorce last summer was the toughest decision I've ever had to make in my life, and I will always remember the day I (as Chocolateeyes) announced it on the SSM board. While the overwhelming majority of people were supportive, some were pretty judgmental, and it stung pretty bad. I don't see that same thing here, but what I mean to say is that this is a VERY tough, VERY personal decision that ONLY YOU can make. I see posters who I respect a lot, posting on opposite sides of this issue. At the end of the day, you'll have to do what you feel is best for you and your kids, not in that order.
I am proud that you continue to treat that bit!h with respect and love.
Whoa - Jeff - was it really necessary to use that word about FIB's W?
HE is the one going through this and HE is, as you said, treating her with respect. Do not those of us who don't even know her owe her that much at least?
I know you care about him; I just don't think that helps matters.
~Nicola
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
FIB, thinking of you, praying for you and your children, and wishing there was something I could do to make all of our heartaches go away. It is tough times for a lot of us right now. But I know in my heart that it matters how you have conducted yourself. It matters.
Whoa - Jeff - was it really necessary to use that word about FIB's W?
You are right Nic - I was harsh and I apologize. My emotions got the best of me.
Sometimes talking to someone directly becomes too personal. A 1000 miles separates us - I wish I could have been there in NY last night. I lost sleep that I could not be there.
I wish I could say something positive about FIB's W. Words came easily two years ago when I saw a disturbed woman who was in and out of MLC and uncertainty. I rejoiced when FIB declared his M saved at one point. I told FIB he was wrong to think there was an OM#2, and then OM#3. I took her side again and again as FIB tried to save his M.
I no longer can. I believe she is only out for destruction. She is destroying FIB and her marriage and indirectly her children. A 'scorched earth' policy - what she cannot have she will destroy. That indicates a problem but I do believe she knows full well what she is doing.
That is the sadest part. For that she deserves my prayers.
I was wrong. It is not my place to judge or label. However, FIB needs to deal with this for what it is, with eyes wide open. Turning a blind eye to her behavior is not the way.
FIB, protect yourself and your kids so that they are not denied a father and a dependable provider. Weigh your options carefully.
