I only had one bad nightmare this whole time (Xh was in the hospital very hurt on a gurny and I was yelling at the doctor's to let me get to him because I am his wife and the doctor's kept saying: no you aren't!" We were still married at that point and it just really bothered me. Especially when I woke up and XH was still out with the OW and wasn't home at 4am).
Jeff...my heart hurts for you right now. I am sorry that you are going through this. I am so glad that you have your children. They are a blessing. I am confused about praying for God's will but I just pray that God gives me the strength to make it through the day.
Sara
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
Hey everyone, I'm still here, haven't posted in almost a week, thank you for looking in on me.
I've been very busy and it doesn't look like it's going to get any better, have a father daughter dance and several soccer games this weekend. Taking the kids camping the following weekend and Halloween party at my house the weekend following that.
W is constantly in my thoughts still, I haven't had any more bad dreams lately. Pray to God all the time (is this his will ?) (is this what he wants for me ?) I'm very confused as to why I'm in this situation or where my life is going.
W came over yesterday (everyone was off school/work) and took the kids for 2 hours to pick out their Halloween costumes. I was out shopping and when I got home W and kids were inside my house. W was very melancholy. When she gets like this, all kinds of stuff runs through my head, from did she wreck her car or is she pregnant or sick or what.
People still calling my house asking for W, I keep telling them she isn't home, would have thought word would have reached these people by now, especially girl from our church.
Working hard, craving love, hoping for a better future.
I know I can be a better father, a better friend, a better neighbor, a better man
W41 M10.75 years D9, D6, D6, S5 OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08 W files for D 07/18/08 Amount of time WAM spent with kids so far this month = 0.58333 days
Jeff, we can ALL be better. Remember, I think I already said that we may not BE the best, as long as we're TRYING our best.
Use your prayers to have God protect over you and yours. To thank Him. To praise Him. Not to question him. You have been questioning and questioning Him. Let it go and just leave it up to Him. Not ours to ask why. We can only follow where He leads us.
Take care.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
I am just wondering why you are telling them that she isn't home? As hard as the truth is, she doesn't live there anymore. That was a big hurdle for me. It took me almost a year to say we were separated, though not legally, and by then he had filed.
Life doesn't always deal a fair hand, the trick is to still win the game with the hand we are dealt.
Hugs, Jeff. I am still keeping an eye on you.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
The reason, I don't say anything is I don't want their pity (I don't know if pity is the right word) I hear it all the time and it gets old Ahhhhhh !!! what happened, I'm so sorry, is there anything I can do, If you need anything you know you can call.
and yes H4H the questions "She not? Where is she? Can I have her number? What happened?" Blah blah blah
I know they are just trying to be nice, but I feel like a big failure and I really don't like all the questions.
Just keep swimming, just keep swimming
W41 M10.75 years D9, D6, D6, S5 OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08 W files for D 07/18/08 Amount of time WAM spent with kids so far this month = 0.58333 days
The reason, I don't say anything is I don't want their pity (I don't know if pity is the right word) I hear it all the time and it gets old Ahhhhhh !!! what happened, I'm so sorry, is there anything I can do, If you need anything you know you can call.
and yes H4H the questions "She not? Where is she? Can I have her number? What happened?" Blah blah blah
I know they are just trying to be nice, but I feel like a big failure and I really don't like all the questions.
I still think you should be telling the truth and not dodging it like that. I usually get 2 reactions: shock and they don't ask questions, or I do get the pity but if you assure them, don't worry, I'm fine I'm doing great. It reassures people. Friends just will make sure you're ok. I didn't tell my friends until right before he moved out, they thought everything was ok, but it was actually a relief for me to start being honest and let them be a support system for me. Honesty is always the right way to go I think. And the "big failure" thing. I hope you don't really believe that, b/c I don't think anyone would agree with that and certainly not me. Your W is just messed up and that has nothing to do with you! ((((Jeff))))
Karen, I've always been successful at work, with my family and friends, I was always proud of my W and family, I worked so hard to make W happy, I know I didn't fail W because I would have done anything to make her happy
My love for W was unconditional; I was committed to our M and was willing to do whatever was needed to show my W how much she was loved, I was patient with her and tried to be understanding but my biggest hurdle is forgiveness for what she has done to me and the children
I'm completely dark, no contact, speak only when spoken to, provide her with minimum required paperwork (schedules, school events, birthday parties, etc) to keep her updated about the kids. They say it will take years for her to come out of her fog and I don't plan on waiting.
They say time heals all wounds and I guess it hasn't been long enough yet so I'll just keep swimming, just keep swimming
W41 M10.75 years D9, D6, D6, S5 OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08 W files for D 07/18/08 Amount of time WAM spent with kids so far this month = 0.58333 days
called me several times yesterday, we talked about all the stuff we have going on with the kids (D6 & D6 will be D7 & D7 on Sunday), soccer games, parent teachers conference, etc. W was complaining how much work she has that she works 18 hours a day up at 5:30 am - I didn't say anything would be too easy for me to complain also.
(She complained when she was living with me about how much work there is taking care of the kids and the house, now that she doesn't have to do that, she complains about something else)
She told me over and over during the course of our conversation how she appreciated everything I do. About the second or third time she said this I could hear her voice cracking and a pause like she expected me to say something. I remembered everyone here, what did everyone tell me - actions speak louder than words - so I never acknowledged her compliments.
She also told me if I ever needed her for something to call her -I didn't say anything - would never ask her for anything
W picks up the kids every morning to take them to school, she arrives a little after 7:00am, her and the kids are out the door at 7:30 am. I don't count this time below under Amount of time WAM spent with kids because it's only a 1/2 hour every day. I do think the kids need to see their mother and we aren't divorced yet so I put up with her taking the kids to school.
W broke down this morning - crying (I wanted to reach out and hold her but I didn't) she was crying about how much she has going on in her life and she cannot keep everything straight. I could tell she was crying before she came over to the house, she seemed to be keeping it together but when she came outside to talk to me, I told her that the kids lunch money for November needed to be turned in today, she asked if I had the paperwork filled out and I told her that I gave it to her two weeks ago, she went to her car and found the paperwork and thats when she had the major breakdown - wow, I didn't say anything I just stood there and watched her cry, she pulled herself together and went back inside with the kids, I followed shortly thereafter and continued with the morning routine of cleaning the breakfast dishes, getting the kids ready to go, turning out all the lights in the house, making sure the dogs have food for the day, etc.
Sorry post is so long
They say time heals all wounds and I guess it hasn't been long enough yet so I'll just keep swimming, just keep swimming
M45 W41 M10.75 years D9, D6, D6, S5 OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08 W files for D 07/18/08 Amount of time WAM spent with kids so far this month = 0.58333 days
She told me over and over during the course of our conversation how she appreciated everything I do. About the second or third time she said this I could hear her voice cracking and a pause like she expected me to say something. I remembered everyone here, what did everyone tell me - actions speak louder than words - so I never acknowledged her compliments.
Quote:
She also told me if I ever needed her for something to call her -I didn't say anything - would never ask her for anything
Quote:
W broke down this morning - crying (I wanted to reach out and hold her but I didn't) she was crying about how much she has going on in her life and she cannot keep everything straight. I could tell she was crying before she came over to the house, she seemed to be keeping it together but when she came outside to talk to me, I told her that the kids lunch money for November needed to be turned in today, she asked if I had the paperwork filled out and I told her that I gave it to her two weeks ago, she went to her car and found the paperwork and thats when she had the major breakdown - wow, I didn't say anything I just stood there and watched her cry
Jeff,
Well, this is ONE "somebody here" that doesn't agree with this -- at all. There is no compassion here. Would it kill you to say a simple "thank you" to her? That's just a common courtesy, that we extend to each other as fellow human beings, much less to the mother of your children.
And there's nothing wrong with hugging her, briefly, and saying something morally neutral like "I hate to see you hurting" (unless maybe you LIKE to see her hurting???) or "I'm sorry you're in pain."
Look, I know this SUCKS for you, and you also know that I'm one of the biggest hard-asses on the board for "never rescue an adulterer from the consequences of their adultery." And I DON'T think you should even validate her simple complaining, much less agree with it, so I have no quarrel with the first part of your post.
But to not say simple "thank-you"s or "goodbye"s or whatever, or to hug a fellow human being who is hurting . . . can you not separate the sin from the sinner?
