I guess the divorce is just one piece of the puzzle. When you go through this your whole life is turned upside down and it is a HUGE adjustment.
I feel like I am in some sort of temporary holding pattern trying to find my way out.
Exactly where you should be, Fish. Our whole puzzle box just got emptied on the floor and we're trying to put the pieces back together despite missing what feels like a key piece! We've got to re-examine each piece and see what fits where now. A huge, tiring task but one we each must do to put that puzzle back together again. We'll each find new key pieces in that puzzle that we may not have noticed before because the puzzle is also an adventure! Despite the immense sadness there is a chance to put together a bigger, better puzzle. It's what we choose to make it. Btw, who's Jeff?
This whole process is really interesting. Prior to the divorce going final, I went a few months where I did not think about this stuff at all. I felt completely detached, free and happpy.
I guess now that I have stepped up, finalized the divorce, calmed things down with the ex, the reality of the situation has really started to sink in. It's not like I want to be married to my ex, just feel like I am in some sort of limbo.
The other issue I am dealing with is that I must continue to crash with a friend because my house has not sold. Once that happens it will be a huge burden off my shoulders and I will be debt free!!!
This whole process is really interesting. Prior to the divorce going final, I went a few months where I did not think about this stuff at all. I felt completely detached, free and happpy.
I guess now that I have stepped up, finalized the divorce, calmed things down with the ex, the reality of the situation has really started to sink in. It's not like I want to be married to my ex, just feel like I am in some sort of limbo.
The other issue I am dealing with is that I must continue to crash with a friend because my house has not sold. Once that happens it will be a huge burden off my shoulders and I will be debt free!!!
I enjoy reading these types of updates from the surviovors, so I thought I would do the same.
EX: Things are very civil. We are communicating well, no text messaging wars and overall things are much better.
HOUSE: Still has not sold... uggh. Tough paying a mortgage on a home that you do not occupy. Couple from Californina is interested, 2 doctors want to rent with option to buy and another family may be interested. The day after the house sells, I am heading on vacation!
Daughter (7): She is doing great. We spent 2 weekends in a row together and had a wonderful time. Last weekend we went to an amusement park, this weekend we went to a farm that had rides, games, pumpkin picking, etc. Really nice day. Dropped her off at her mom's an hour ago and I already miss her. She has really adjusted to the situation. Very positive and happy and she sleeps well.
Job: Wow.. what a pressure cooker. I run a sales team in NYC and it is not easy right now. Tough economy and management is even tougher. May need to make a change soon. If the house would sell, I could take some time off and then evaluate options. Now that I am no longer married, I think I may want to do something a little less stressful.
Women: Still see my wife's former friend. Nothing serious, but we do have a very good time together. She is talking about a possible move to LA, says she needs a change of scenery. I was doing quite a bit of dating this summer, but have put that on hold as I am focused on work and reconnecting with my daughter. Feel I am not ready for a serious relationship, but I do miss having a steady woman in my life.
Yes, I too miss a steady woman in my life. There's now nobody to tell me how I'm not doing things right. I have to do that all by myself now and I'm not as good at it as W was. But, on the bright side, I now have a goal to shoot for, to be as critical as my W was...or maybe I'll just go to bed early instead.
Just got home from a 6 day meeting in Palm Springs last night, it was fantastic. It felt great getting away and really enjoying life. Went to the gym once or twice a day and did a little partying with some very good people. The weather was amazing! 95 degrees during the day and 60 at night.
For some reason, on the way home I started feeling a bit sad. Downtime on long plane rides can be tough. I started thinking about how I missed coming home to my beautiful house and being greeted by my 7 year old daughter. She would also yell "daddy," and then search my bags for a surprise. She always knew I would bring something back for her. What a cute kid.
I feel could about the divorce being final and I do not miss my ex at all. I miss my home and my daughter. Fortunately we are seeing each other quite often and she is doing great.
The big thing that is holding me back from getting on with my life is that I still pay the mortgage on a home that is not selling. It is a real beauty, but it is very difficult to sell an expensive home in this market.
My therapist says, "leave this one to the universe." It is a beautiful home in a great neighborhood that will "eventually" sell. From a financial perspective is a wash because I do not pay child support or rent until the home sells.
I just cannot believe that I am still in a position where I must "crash" with a friend. I really want my own place, but cannot afford to pay rent on an apartment and the mortgage on our home. I really feel "boxed" in.
I really attractive woman has reached out to me about dating and I am still a little reluctant because I do not have my own place.
