Patrick, I don't see why not as long as you can have zero expectations while doing it. If you have a conscious ulterior motive, you may find yourself leading the conversation instead of working on your friendship first.
And remove from your mind that you are doing it to be charitable. No one likes to feel that they are a charity case. If you do ask her, tell her she will be doing you a favor (just a thought).
Good luck, my friend.
Me:56, W:51 D:26,S:24,S:22 Married:18 Bomb 9/27/06 Separated 11/27/06 Divorced 10/6/08 Leaving it up to God
I decided to skip the haircut because she seemed to shut me out the couple of days after our talk. Now she wants to know if the kids can spend Halloween with her even though it's my turn (she had them Labor day). The kids asked me the other day over the phone because the OM's family is staying the week and they must be having fun with them and their little boy. I kind of feel mad that they asked because I always had fun with them at halloween in years past. But I am unsure if I want to battle with my W or the kids if it will cause hard feelings....I just feel like I am being pushed aside. In one way I feel like I should not let the kids set the schedule but then if they are not happy what's it matter...I don't know...I am in a very bad mood today...It's our anniversary. I spoke to her today and neither of us even mentioned it....
H 42 W 37 M17 T20 years 3 daughters 11,11,14 seperated 11/26/07 EA neighbor/ moved in w/ him 2/8 Filed for D 01/08 finalized soon
You are in a tough spot. If you give in, you may give the impression that will give in and this type of thing will happen more in the future. On the other hand, if you don't give in, you may upset your kids.
Personally, I am inclined to say that you don't give in. It will show your W that she has to honour the arrangements made and that you won't jump at her command. I also think your kids may be initially upset but they will get over it.
I feel for you regarding your anniversary. My first anniversary after Sep was tough.
M35 W37 S9 D6 M12 yrs Know 15 yrs Bomb 1/28/07 My Sitch Failure is the opportunity to start again more intelligently - Henry Ford
If she wants a trade then she must have to give up one of the big holidays coming up depending on your faith. X-mas, New Years, the real Thanksgiving not the Canadian copycat. You can make worth your while or stick to the schedule.
Look she knew it was your time, but made sure the kids got exposed to what the OM's family was doing etc. Look its bad enough the OM stole your wife but he doesn't get to steal your holidays with the kids as well!!!
I appreciate the advice but unfortunately I have little or no control over anything anymore. My kids wanted to spend halloween over there and my wife agreed. She said the last holiday--labor day wasn't a real holiday and it shouldn't count. Regardless of the fact that she had them last week on two of my days (Fri and Sat) so "they" could go to Universal. I am totally powerless to do anything about it since we are not officially D with a custody schedule. So I got mad and let her have them today since they went there after school. Even though I had planned to take my oldest out for a special bday dinner.....my life just gets worse and worse. I pray and I hope that things will get better every day and it doesn;t help....
H 42 W 37 M17 T20 years 3 daughters 11,11,14 seperated 11/26/07 EA neighbor/ moved in w/ him 2/8 Filed for D 01/08 finalized soon
The answers to your immediate problems would seem to be in a fixed schedule for the kids. She will always have some excuse why she should get what she wants. My W is the master of this. She always has an excuse why I should have the kids so she can go party. In the case of the Bday dinner, you should not give in so easily. She will not respect you if she can walk all over you. Don't let yourself get pushed to the background of your kids lives.
As hard as it is, I would find some hope for your situation in how ridiculous it is. Your W left you for your neighbour. It's like something out of a Soap Opera. It won't last. It won't.
I get the impression that you spend a lot of time feeling sorry for yourself. Do you get out and do things for yourself? do you a have a release for your sadness and frustrations? The gym works for me.
M35 W37 S9 D6 M12 yrs Know 15 yrs Bomb 1/28/07 My Sitch Failure is the opportunity to start again more intelligently - Henry Ford
I take Karate twice a week but I still have a bit of time to myself. I have pets to take care of so I try to spend some time with them once in a while. I guess I do feel sorry for myself but what else can you do when your life is so changed and it's on hold waiting for someone to wake up. I try to stay busy but your mind always seems to be on your sitch. It's been a year and it drives me crazy...In a lot of ways I wish I could just be done with it and move on...then I feel like the suffering is owrth it for my kids and my family..I can't give up yet, i've come so far. But it feels like I am in the same exact spot I was a year ago...worse, because she is building a R with this guy and so are my kids.
H 42 W 37 M17 T20 years 3 daughters 11,11,14 seperated 11/26/07 EA neighbor/ moved in w/ him 2/8 Filed for D 01/08 finalized soon
. You can make worth your while or stick to the schedule.