I have tried to post before to you a couple of times and your threads been locked, I really didnt even know what was wrong there was just no area to reply....then duhhh it must have been locked.....this is a tough deal thats for sure.....sounds like you are doing the right things...i know the pain inside screams some days....ok most days...but one day at a time and try to focus on the good things that happen each day and the simple things ...thats what I try and do....like everyday i used to see my kids...now i cherish when i get to see them....
yes that is the one thing that keeps me going....I do everything I can for my kids. The hardest part is knowing that they are in the middle of something that is not their fault and they don't deserve. Knowing that I can't protect them from the pain hurts so much. Thye seem like they are doing pretty well but I guess when I put myself in their shoes it breaks me up. I was always so proud of having a family with good values and a family that stayed together, did things together...and now it's nothing more that a memory. And every day the memory fades more and more...
H 42 W 37 M17 T20 years 3 daughters 11,11,14 seperated 11/26/07 EA neighbor/ moved in w/ him 2/8 Filed for D 01/08 finalized soon
Good that you are thinking of your kids. Keep in mind that they are going through their lives for the first time. You are looking back and comparing their lives to yours, or even your image of what their lives ought to have been. They have no such expectations.
The best thing for them is to enjoy and appreciate what they have. It's too bad, in your mind, that they won't get the chance to have that family life you described. I had the same vision for my family, you know. And it stinks they I won't be able to give that to them. But their life is their life. It's critical that they do not view it as a rip off. That they enjoy it, that they are not burdened with your unfulfilled expectations. They are too young for all of that. Let them be children.
we adults tend to project too much. The thing that will hurt kids is when parents don't care, and when parents project their troubles and cares too much onto kids. my opinion.
Your right about the projection. The bottom line is they seem to be doing pretty well. I guess with them having so many friends in the same sitch it makes it easier for them. I just hope that they can still learn to have lasting relationships in their lives when they become adults.
H 42 W 37 M17 T20 years 3 daughters 11,11,14 seperated 11/26/07 EA neighbor/ moved in w/ him 2/8 Filed for D 01/08 finalized soon
patrick---your example to them of what marriage and family really mean will be huge to them....I cant express it enough..no matter how many friends they have in this....they wish they werent....deep down....your girls need a father to show them what family means since their Mom cant and wont right now
Patrick - I think kids of divorce WILL do well, if the adults keep the conflict to a minimum.
As they become adults, they will have time to consider what kind of life they want to lead, how they think about a spouse or life partner, what it takes to have a lasting relationship. And this is when you can be available to them to talk about what happened between you and their mom. They cannot conceive of "lasting relationship" now.
My wife grew up as a child of divorce. She never spoke to her parents about what caused it though. And (my lightweight armchair analysis) she never really deeply understood what it takes to be truly committed as a lifelong married person. It was fine when things were easy, but when things got hard (or boring) she just checked out.
I grew up in a family where there was trouble, I guess like most families. But my parents worked through it. And as a result that is what I knew, what I saw, what I thought married life should be like. I also spoke to my parents about it, later. My dad said "it is really hard, harder than you can imagine, but worth it."
I had a pretty terrible weekend. I sat here all day watching football and running over in my head how lonely I am when my kids are gone and how much I miss having my family. It has been almost a year and I still can't handle being alone. I am getting out tommorrow and going to the beach and Karate class...I hope it will be better. I called my D14 to see how her homecoming dance went and accidentally called their house phone. The OM answered. I just hung up because I usually call my W's cell but hit the wrong button. I can't talk to that Ahole...so I got my W on the cell and she told me she would appreciate it if I didn't call hang up on him and I told her it was an accident and that I won't talk to him...am I being small to refuse to talk to him? I really hate him for stealing my family...he lied to me from the getgo and I will never forgive him....I wish to God that he never moved across the street from me...
H 42 W 37 M17 T20 years 3 daughters 11,11,14 seperated 11/26/07 EA neighbor/ moved in w/ him 2/8 Filed for D 01/08 finalized soon
I understand what you mean about lonely. My W has my kids every 2 weeks for 2 weeks. It sucks. However, the best way I have found to deal with it is to go do something. Anything. The gym works for me.
I don't think you are wrong to not want to talk to OM. What would you talk about anyway.
M35 W37 S9 D6 M12 yrs Know 15 yrs Bomb 1/28/07 My Sitch Failure is the opportunity to start again more intelligently - Henry Ford
I don't blame you for hanging up on the OM. I would do the same. It stinks being alone. you need to create something new. For a long time I felt like I was "faking it". I was filling up my day with "2nd choices". if you know what I mean. I preferred to be with my family, but I was being forced to pick the 2nd choice.
Sir, I like how you put that. I felt like I was making second choices for along time too. It takes a long time to get past that and start doing things that you WANT to do.
M35 W37 S9 D6 M12 yrs Know 15 yrs Bomb 1/28/07 My Sitch Failure is the opportunity to start again more intelligently - Henry Ford
