I still have nightmares sometimes too. Always amazes me. A week or 2 ago, I had something like 4 or 5 nightmares about H. Scary!
I pray too. I used to order God around: bring my H back. Then it was: let me find new love or new R. Now I just pray for me to accept whatever comes and let Him decide what's best for me. Is that progress or not I don't know, but I do feel more peace lately, most days anyway.
I do know that even though sometimes I have my bad moments or days, good days seem to be happening more often now, so I think things get gradually better. ((((Jeff)))) Karen
Thank you all for being here for me, Puppy, H4H, yenko69, wdid, Kat, Cat, Sara, germ, and everyone else. I continue to keep you in my prayers and if you are reading this I want to tell everyone what a brilliant person Karen is:
When I read what Karen wrote below chills ran down my spine
Quote:
I pray too. I used to order God around: bring my H back. Then it was: let me find new love or new R. Now I just pray for me to accept whatever comes and let Him decide what's best for me.
This is totally true, I shouldn't be asking God to do this for me or do that for me or help me or have pity on me me, me, me, me, me, me, God must think I'm a child.
GODS WILL BE DONE That's it no more no less; you are right on the mark Karen
I have so much work to do, I know I can do a better job with the kids, I know I can do a better job taking care of myself a better job taking care of our home and a better job taking care of my friends.
Will continue to do what I did with W this morning, no expectations, she followed me around telling me she couldn't take kids this weekend or next weekend she went into a dissertation about what she has planned, I just said OK no problem, just tell me when you want the kids.
W41 M10.75 years D9, D6, D6, S5 OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08 W files for D 07/18/08 Amount of time WAM spent with kids so far this month = 0.50 days
If we could just DO this, think how much better we would feel. karen, that WAS a great thought.
Jeff, we all have a lot of work ahead, but sometimes we have to keep our expectations of ourselves in check. Our expectations can be WAY up there. Need to bring them back down to a human level sometimes, you know. As long as your doing your best, that is what counts. Its all we can do.
Your doing a great job. Thats what I have to do. Leave it in His hands. He'll take care of the rest. Made me think.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
H4H: As long as your doing your best, that is what counts. Its all we can do.
Thats just it H4H, I know I'm not doing my best, I've been in a fog with everything that has been going on. I've been struggling to find my way out of the fog. I know I can be a better father, a better friend, a better neighbor, a better man
Watch out world when I find my way out of this fog
Gods will be done
W41 M10.75 years D9, D6, D6, S5 OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08 W files for D 07/18/08 Amount of time WAM spent with kids so far this month = 0.50 days
Thanks WDID and H4H - quick note, went to store up the street mom and pop store, lady that works there ask where W was at, without blinking an eye S5 said she moved away. (not a problem)
What got me was D9 quickly spoke up and said no (S5 name)she is at home. This worries me a little, maybe she is a little embarrassed about what her mom did, I'll have to keep an eye on D9 - I don't know if I should sit down and talk to her about it.
W41 M10.75 years D9, D6, D6, S5 OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08 W files for D 07/18/08 Amount of time WAM spent with kids so far this month = 0.50 days
What got me was D9 quickly spoke up and said no (S5 name)she is at home. This worries me a little, maybe she is a little embarrassed about what her mom did, I'll have to keep an eye on D9 - I don't know if I should sit down and talk to her about it.
That sounds like a good idea to me, just be casual and ask questions when you're cooking or playing with her or doing something together. Karen
I've changed my prayers around through this whole mess. Now I have landed on "Please help me keep my kids healthy and happy." I figure that covers me too, since I'll be happy if they are happy.
(((HUGS))) Jeff. This stuff is hard core difficult and painful.
Funny, I used to hate the dreams where H cheats on me. Now I welcome them, because the reconciliation dreams are awful. So hard to wake up and start the day knowing its not happening.
