First, I want to thank all you ladies & HUD for the support ... and that I'm immensely embarrassed right now! My D10 had a birthday back in July and I just discovered I'm still typing "D9" in my posts. Looks like I still have some work to do on those "little" details" another of CAW's pet peeves.
What to say? Actually, I had been continuing to struggle with my PMA and just feel like I'm starting to sound like a broken record ... and that got me thinking there's a pattern here. A very similar pattern to what was a weekly cycle last year, returned this past March, but I didn't recognize it because it was stretched out to nearly a month or more. The cycle is of her distancing and becoming cold when there is contact with OM .. follow by a gradual warming up to me now over several weeks of effort from me to try to draw her closer and the lack of contact with OM. As soon as she is in contact with him again the cycle starts all over again. While I recognize my role in the cycle that keeps drawing her back through my efforts, its a cycle that I'm stuck in because I'm not in control to break it, except to totally walk away from it myself.
This cycle was confirmed last week. Like I had mentioned, I felt we were strengthening our bond the week I took off from work to the point where we seem to be back on track ... but admittedly without any display of passion from CAW, but she was showing little gestures of affection. We had our set back on Monday, but by Wednesday, we seem to be putting that behind us. That was also the day I had to cover a night shift, so when I got home she was already asleep.
Thursday, turned out to be another big time distancing day with her seeming to be totally out of what was going on around her. Her eyes were glassy and even watery a few times. I offered to listen if she needed to talk, but just replied she was in a bad mood and that is all she said that night. I did notice the journal was out again! Sorry guys, I just can't help it, the temptation is just to great for me. I just need to know. Anyway, sure enough, Wednesday evening while I was at work and she had just dropped D10 off at bible school, when she passed by OM on the road. First time in two months she had contact with him. They stopped, hugged, kissed, he felt her breasts ... she went on with her entry like she usually does about one day being together. So the cycle had started all over again ... my heart turned heavy, because I'm finding it harder within, to keep trying to win her back. I was wondering if I should call it quits. Then I had the urge to read that entry again. (Boy, can I feel the welts already from those 2x4's ) ... but it stood out this time! They met by chance! Neither one was trying to contact the other. Now I know OM doesn't make much of an effort to stay in contact with her, but it is a huge 180 for CAW to not try to contact him. This has changed my perspective enough to keep hoping that this A will die a natural death. So Bridget, I guess I'll keep flexing that DB tattoo some more.
Actually, right now I am back on cloud nine ... however, I a bit too embarrassed to go into the details of how, but I had no idea the outcome will have the effect I had experienced yesterday!! Let's just say Monday nite, I took a chance and woke up CAW using some new techniques in a way that made her reach a state that she said she never felt before. When I came home last night from work, I was greeted with a sparkle in her eye that I haven't seen in months. She was giddy with lotsa of hugs, touches, and kisses all night long. Boy have I missed that!
Today, I've taken the day off upon CAW's request to watch D10 as CAW has a full day meeting before the upstart of the school year next week. So this has given me the time to give an update. Now I'm off to spend the afternoon with D10! ... and Bridget, I feel I'm the lucky one to be able to get closer to D10. She has truly become the greatest joy in my life now. I think we're both winners here.
KAW - I think that I really need to get one of those new-fangled "alarm clocks" that you used to wake W up on Monday night!
First off - bad KAW for backsliding on your snooping. However - you took some time to reevaluate what CAW wrote down and as you said it - it was a chance meeting. CAW was not seeking out OM. And you noticed her 180.
I bet if you continue your special "wakeup" techniques with CAW, the both of you will be much happier people. Not every time - make her do some reciprocating on occasion. And D10 will reap the benefits of two parents who love each other very much.
Son, I hope you've got your helmet on because there are going to be 2x4's flying around here in a minute. STAY AWAY FROM THE JOURNAL!
Anyways as far as the sitch itself..who knows, maybe seeing the OM for the last time was all she needed to move on from him in some strange way. Look how quickly she seems to have turned around. Maybe the chance meeting was an opportunity for her to let go of that whole thing. It sure must be frustrating for you but as you said, at least she's not going out of her way to contact him.
And a good job on the surprise wake up call you gave her. Nothing to be embarrased about. Toot your horn a little bit, you did something good obviously.
Keep up the patience, and keep looking for those creative solutions...and for pete's sake..stay away from the journal. Can you imagine how far back you'd be set if she caught you?
A dream it's true
But I'd see it through
If I could be
Wasting my time with you
-Band:Phish Song:Waste
The cycle is of her distancing and becoming cold when there is contact with OM .. follow by a gradual warming up to me now over several weeks of effort from me to try to draw her closer and the lack of contact with OM.
I think it's great that you know what this pattern is!
While I recognize my role in the cycle that keeps drawing her back through my efforts, its a cycle that I'm stuck in because I'm not in control to break it, except to totally walk away from it myself.
Unless I'm reading it wrong, your surprise wake-up cut this cycle short.
All I can say is you are one patient man, my friend. This chance meeting between your W and OM reminds me of when my W had a couple chance encounters. I have come to the conclusion that the universe tests our resolve...to give us opportunities to show that we have truly changed...or that we're trying to change. I don't mean to be a downer, but although the meeting was "by chance," your W has still not "learned" the lessons that the universe is trying to teach.
errr....
I'm sorry, my friend, maybe I'm being anti-DB, but I get angry about your situation and I just want you to take care of yourself and your needs too.
WOW....sounds like you had quite a night...but the snooping is not good..and of course you know that...have I asked before..but could she be making these meetings up??I can't imagine anyone writing that stuff and leaving it out for spouse to see...she either wants you to confront her...or she has serious problems with being needed and wanted..it makes me angry to know that she writes that and leaves it out..but I think you are doing all the right things(must be pretty right too)..if you are willing to be patient..then that is all that matters.
Hmmm interesting point Hoping brings up...KAW can you be 100% sure her journal entry is not just a fantasy? Wasn't there some doubt about her story about meeting OM at D's Grad?
Curious.
But, good job on seeing the positive there...the chance element is a good sign either way.
I hear Jethro though, in that wouldn't it have been nice had she kept on driving? Or what about this, KAW: What if she did meet him by chance and he reiterated that he did'nt want anything to do with her...wasn't that where he stood last? What if the rest was just fantasy on her part?
Oh heck, we could wonder forever!
Just so impressed with how you're handling it! (Not to mention your "wake up" technique! )
My D10 had a birthday back in July and I just discovered I'm still typing "D9" in my posts. Looks like I still have some work to do on those "little" details" another of CAW's pet peeves.
Actually, I had been continuing to struggle with my PMA 
and just feel like I'm starting to sound like a broken record 
... and that got me thinking there's a pattern here. A very similar pattern to what was a weekly cycle last year, returned this past March, but I didn't recognize it because it was stretched out to nearly a month or more. The cycle is of her distancing and becoming cold when there is contact with OM .. follow by a gradual warming up to me now over several weeks of effort from me to try to draw her closer and the lack of contact with OM. As soon as she is in contact with him again the cycle starts all over again. 
Sorry guys, I just can't help it, the temptation is just to great for me. I just need to know. 
