The more sane, calm, collected we are, the crazier they seem to get, from what I've read and experienced. A provocation to get you to react and become the crazy one, so they can feel justified and live with their choices. Don't take the bait, SD!
Going to the IC for advice seems like a good idea. They can help you with some ideas for the kids, too.
Hi Donna, Thanks for the words of wisdom. The convo yesterday did leave me wound up and I did not get enough sleep last night, esp. with a 4 a.m. alarm! Anyway, I will call IC for an appt. to discuss this issue as well as the kids.
As far as the race, it is Nov. 9th, so we have started our taper...basically workouts get shorter, but more intense, with a few long, easy workouts in between. It is a strange feeling, sometimes you get lethargic and other times you are bouncing off the walls with energy.
I'm feeling more optimistic about meeting my goal time this time...one of my original goals when I started DBing was to beat my best time from when I was 20! I have gotten within 7 minutes, but haven't been able to break through...hopefully this will be the race.
Either way, it has been so much fun getting to know the group of people in this club and to get back into top shape. That has been one of the upsides of this sitch...since I am not spending all of my time trying to make W happy, I have been able to make a lot more "me" time. Yeah, me!
Take care, SD
Me 41 W 41 Kids: S9 S7 Married 16 years Bomb dropped 2/2/07 Still living together! current thread
I'm amazed that she is angry at anything. Her actions are what put you in this position. Rockstars are her "boyfriends"? I still remember that post. Wow! Boyfriend 1200 miles away?
My friend, you did what you have to for you and your kids. Are htere any indications she is a different person? Probably not, so PROCEED ON COURSE. Good luck with the race.
Are there any indications she is a different person?
Who knows!
I am done and I need to move on. It really doesn't matter to me that she is angry, just that she refuses to move on with her life without me.
Anything short of me giving up my whole life so that she can continue to live her current lifestyle "for the kids" is going to make her angry.
The fact that she is the one who caused all of this is not something that her brain can even begin to process. Basically, she just says that I have a naive view of what marriage is and that I should accept that my "wife" sleeps with other men and shows no love or affection towards me whatsoever. Cool, huh?
Take care, SD
Me 41 W 41 Kids: S9 S7 Married 16 years Bomb dropped 2/2/07 Still living together! current thread
"Basically, she just says that I have a naive view of what marriage is and that I should accept that my "wife" sleeps with other men and shows no love or affection towards me whatsoever."
Does she actually say this?
If she does it's amazing she could be that out of touch.
Sunny, She says the part about me having a naive/unrealistic view of what marriage is without refering to the fact that she is sleeping with someone else, but it is obviously implied that I should accept an "open" marriage and move on with life.
She is that out of touch, but I certainly did not help the situation out by tolerating a completely disfunctional marriage for so many years. She has convinced herself that I have no feelings and that I am a self-absorbed, arrogant SOB. In fact, we just had horrible communications and conflict resolution in our M!
I definitely won't make these same mistakes in my future Rs...at least something good is coming out of the sitch!
Thanks for the support, SD
Me 41 W 41 Kids: S9 S7 Married 16 years Bomb dropped 2/2/07 Still living together! current thread
I can understand the communications part very well. I had the same issue. Also, my STBXW is an "injustice collector" She has neve let go of anything in 22 years, and has never used the words "I'm sorry" once which took a toll on me.
Your W is absolutely delusional about "open marriage". Sounds more like casual dating to me.
Your W is absolutely delusional about "open marriage". Sounds more like casual dating to me.
Yep. I have been refering to her as my 42 year old, teen-aged daughter for some time now!
On other fronts, the D process is slowly moving along. W's L will file a counter-petition and I guess then we will see about mediation.
I am actually an emotional basket-case right now. Part of it is that in the midst of all of this, I (1) have a career decision to make which is really stressing me out. Should be a good thing as it is a great opportunity, but I'm not sure I want to take on the responsibility in the midst of the D process!
(2) broke off a potentially great thing with a woman I had seen a few times. Even though it clearly was awful timing (she lives out-of-state), I let the fantasy of it carry me away a bit. I have met so many woman this past year and she is the only one who I have really been interested in. We are such a great match, but there is no way to take it any further for the time being. She actually was feeling guilty because I am still M'ed which led to her backing away. Ironic, because when I told W that I was going to proceed with D, this was one of the reasons, that is that no woman who I am interested in will want to be with me while I am married to someone else...unlike her current choice!
(3) am really sleep deprived from going out of town for the weekend and then busting my chops for the past 2 days trying to catch up!
On the positive side, I had a great time over the weekend...cycled up an incredible mountain road, did some hiking, went to an awesome NHL game, did Hot Yoga for the first time, and even had some time to drink a few beers and eat some great food.
We are now also at 12 days before the big race and I need to spend some QT with my bike to get ready. Training is going great, just have to focus on strategy a bit to make sure I don't cramp up this time!
Oh yeah and Halloween is just around the corner too...not sure exactly when we will carve pumpkins, maybe on Thursday before soccer practice?
I guess when I read back over this, I feel better than I should!
Take care, SD
Last edited by SuperDad; 10/29/0801:57 AM.
Me 41 W 41 Kids: S9 S7 Married 16 years Bomb dropped 2/2/07 Still living together! current thread
Journaling: Well, my stress level is down a bit anyway!
I decided not to apply for the job since it was just stressing me out to even consider taking on more responsibility at work in the midst of all of this...really too bad as it could have been a great career move, but like so many other things about this sitch, you just have to be patient.
Catching up on sleep has helped a bit and the few days of time are helping to lift my spirits again. Again, just being patient to know that the time will soon enough be right for me to date and find love again.
On other fronts... ...training is going great. Getting pretty optimistic about the race! ...got our pumpkins carved today. Just need to get one more piece for my costume and Halloween is good to go! ...kids are coming along in soccer, starting to resemble a team, and look like they might even win a game before the season is over!
A final note, I have been really frustrated by the kids rudeness/quickness to anger toward each other and even me and their mom. (Not surprising if you take a look at mom!) Today in the car after an outburst by S9, I calmly and quietly talked to them about anger, how to calm down and think about how to get what you want out of a sitch when something is bothering you, etc...classic DB stuff.
A few minutes later, S7 asks S9 in the sweetest voice to please roll up his window because he was cold...and S9 did it! Previously it would have been, "Oh my God S9, roll up your window, I'm FREEZING!"
Even though my DBing efforts did not save my M, at least the skills I learned through this process are helping me with my kids and, hopefully, my other Rs!
SD
Me 41 W 41 Kids: S9 S7 Married 16 years Bomb dropped 2/2/07 Still living together! current thread
Part of it is that in the midst of all of this, I