You know I am now living in the after divorce world and my xh wants to be friends. Or he is trying to get me back. The jury is still out on that one. He calls me 4-5 times a day. I try my best not to answer the phone calls, but it is difficult because I hate having to let go of my marriage and the friendship we had. However, it hurts SO badly after I talk to him. The other day he asked me if I would like to come and see his new apartment. I told him no. I said that I am still trying to heal and seeing his apartment would hurt too much.
So Jeff....right now you really can't be friends with her. It is way too painful. You still love her. Wait and see how things play out and then decide from there. Remember to keep looking at those actions and not the words.
sara
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
I too flip flop on whether to be friends or not. Not being friends seems to go against what my goal is, but I understand it. Sort of.
Wdid has told me, right now, no friendship. She has done this thing. She still wants the best of both worlds.
IF she divorces me, then something else to consider. Who knows what will happen after D. For us to decide how to deal with it. Not them. OUR decision IF we still want to pursue them. The things we are doing right now are supposed to give us a chance. To let them realize things. If D still comes, then total different plan. WE decide it we pursue it or not.
But the advice given to you and I is "No being friends".
Boy, that ILY really messed with you. I couldn't even imagine.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
Thanks everyone for checking in on me, I had a great time with the kids yesterday at the picnic, brought 3 little ones home at 6:30 pm and my D9 and I stayed to closing, drank to much, but I wasn't driving, a lot of friends were there, people from church, was a great time. W never showed up, called said she had other things to do, she took kids to soccer games today so I got some stuff done at the house.
Why is this so hard, I'm just don't understand why this is happing to me, why God, I don't understand, why do I love her so much ?
John Mayer - Dreaming with a broken heart
When you're dreaming with a broken heart The waking up is the hardest part You roll outta bed and down on your knees And for the moment you can hardly breathe Wondering was she really here? Is she standing in my room? No she's not, 'cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone....
When you're dreaming with a broken heart The giving up is the hardest part She takes you in with your crying eyes Then all at once you have to say goodbye Wondering could you stay my love? Will you wake up by my side? No she can't, 'cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone....
This song sums up my life right now, I am dreaming with a broken heart, and giving up is very hard. I hurt soo bad still, wow will it ever end. I just don't understand, I have to move on but it's hard. I really did love my W with all my heart.
W41 M10.75 years D9, D6, D6, S5 OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08 W files for D 07/18/08 Date I'll forgive W for A = never
Jeff, first of all, I'm a huge fan of John Mayer. His song In your atmosphere really hits me hard... The lyrics "I'd die if I saw you and I'd die if I didn't see you there." are so poignant.
For you though, I say feel all this emotion. If I am reading your post correctly, something inside you is telling you not to give up hope. Now that your anger has somewhat subsided, that subtle voice is back. Look, I might be crazy, but I've followed your posts because yours always seems to have hope. Your wife hasn't stopped all contact. She can't even say she doesn't love you anymore. Instead, this issue is all about her problems (and maybe some ways that you fell short too during the marriage). But there are signs of her emerging from her abyss. At the end of the day, you have to decide whether you want to welcome your prodigal home or show her the door permanently. The world will always give you the same answer but sometimes true happiness calls for taking heroic steps.
I'm not belittling your pain or frustration or confusion. I just want you to see that I'm actually jealous of your place in life. You have hope (albeit slim) and you still actually have a choice of which direction to take. It's not a done deal yet. Worse off WAW(M) have come back from the dead.
Thanks everyone, whatdidido, I have to have faith in God's plan for me, I have so many questions, I have so many concerns, I have so much work to do. I worry to much, I'm scared, I'm lonely.
The kids are great, they help me out so much, one of them, was S5 last night, just wanted to cuddle and be held, so I sat down with him for a short time, D9 helped me out with the laundry (folding the clothes) she is a big help.
W said she would take the kids next weekend, 27th and 28th this morning, opps, she has tickets to Cardnials Baseball game Sunday the 28th, so she will be dropping off the kids Sunday morning. Total number of day W had kids this month = 2.5
I post this stuff, because its a good example of what she is doing or what she is like. I don't know if I could go without having the kids for more than 2 days.. They are a lot of work, but they are a joy to be with, hugging on me, they fight over who gets to help daddy cook dinner.
When you're dreaming with a broken heart. The waking up is the hardest part. You roll outta bed and down on your knees And for the moment you can hardly breathe, Wondering was she really here? Is she standing in my room? No she's not, 'cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone.... (John Mayer)
W41 M10.75 years D9, D6, D6, S5 OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08 W files for D 07/18/08 Date I'll forgive W for A = never
Jeff, you are doing so many things right and it appears that W is doing oh so many things wrong. It is hard to not look at what they are doing, just as people strain to see an accident. Really, I think you need to turn away.
Believe me your pain and frustration are evident and while it is good to document for the legal sake of your situation, I think you need to let it stop there. Don't focus so much on what she is saying or ther things she does unless those actions are coming back to you and her kids.
i hope you can find peace soon. Hugs.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Your W reminds me of my egf who married, had an affair, married the affair partner, had an affair on her new husband, and is now with the new affair partner. The natural mother skills are not there. She likes having them love on her, but parenting skills are weak, doesn't like to discipline, doesn't like to do the "work" involved in having kids, etc. She has told me that she likes that she has her kids part time, she has more time to herself. When she has them, she takes them to the gym so she can work out most of the time. She is now not working yet she takes her one child to daycare 3 days a week anyway...all day. I don't get these kinds of women anyway. They need help. They need counseling. I know my egf was possibly sexually abused as a child. BIg things like that really screw up a person. I wish you could get your wife some help.
