Hey everyone, just finished with MIL's funeral, very nice, W did a great job of making all of the arrangements. Everyone, W friends, my friends, friends of the family, were all their.
My kids were all dress up in their Sunday best, they were all good, we picked flowers for my FIL and W and handed them to them when we arrived.
everyone was telling me if I need help just call them and they will be their for me, wow, was crazy, everyone all the girls, women, everyone was telling me how good I looked I use to have a hair cut like a marine and I've let my hair grow long, my W best friend told me several times how good I looked and her sister said the same thing. W sister told me again today how much her sister thought how good I looked, everyone was hugging me, was wierd, I don't know what they expected me to look like, sad, depressed, worn down, etc.
W just called me to tell me thanks and tell me she loved me, that I'm such a great father, I'm such a great guy, I'm such a great person, That she was sorry. I told her I loved her too and I was over the anger, but not the hurt that she caused me, told her not to worry about me I would be fine that she should take care of herself and if she needed anything I would be here for her.
She told me again she didn't want to hurt me that she was sorry that she couldn't be the person I wanted her to be (that means mother and wife), she told me again that I'm so good with the children, that I'm doing such a great job with them, that they are such good kids, I told her it was because of both of us that they were good kids. She complimented me on how good I am with the kids and said she cannot do it anymore (that means being patient with them, not worrying over every little thing)
So much for having someone to love you but you cannot hold them or show your love for them. This hurts me the most
So I'll
Just keep swimming, just keep swimming
M45 W41 M10.75 years D9, D6, D6, S5 OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08 W files for D 07/18/08 Date I'll forgive W for A = never
That is so sad, Jeff. If only she could have sought out another solution to her impatience and parenting skills and issues rather than running away from them. I'm so very sorry. It's almost unbelievable how she can do this, have no one talk sense to her, and do and say the things she says and be ok with it. I just don't understand.
I don't understand either whatdidido, it hurts so bad, I have always been there for her, would have done anything for her, I would have given her anything I could, I loved her very much and I still do, but she cannot handle it.
it is sad, she wants to do her own thing, ok, nothing I can do about it but work on myself
Her family, friends, everyone, knows me and what a good person I am, they know I loved my W, they don't understand either. These are people who have been around my W and her family their whole life. These are the godparents of our children the people we have over every holiday, the people my W respects.
The guy OM, that my W says is her true love and the person she was meant to be with wasn't at the funeral I know she would have a hard time bringing him into the picture, maybe someday she wouldn't be so embarrised to bring him around the people she respects. We will see, he will never be welcome in my house.
Just keep swimming, just keep swimming
M45 W41 M10.75 years D9, D6, D6, S5 OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08 W files for D 07/18/08 Date I'll forgive W for A = never
W just called me to tell me thanks and tell me she loved me, that I'm such a great father, I'm such a great guy, I'm such a great person, That she was sorry. I told her I loved her too and I was over the anger, but not the hurt that she caused me, told her not to worry about me I would be fine that she should take care of herself and if she needed anything I would be here for her.
Funny how it took her a while to realize that!!! Do you think she is emerging from her fog or MLC or whatever a little? I mean, it sounds like she is really realizing how messed up she is and realizing what she's doing a bit, which I think a lot of WAS don't (yeah like mine). Don't they always say you can't fix something until you know it's broken? (If not, they should). Sorry for you Jeff, but you are sounding good and strong!!! I do believe no matter what things are going to get better for you!!! Karen
Karen: Funny how it took her a while to realize that!!! Do you think she is emerging from her fog or MLC or whatever a little? I mean, it sounds like she is really realizing how messed up she is and realizing what she's doing a bit,
yes karen, I do think she is comming out of her MLC a little, she always told me I was the best father anyone could wish for and a very good person.
The I love you line really hurt. I mean what the heck you love me but cannot handle the home we built together, the family we created, these beautiful children a husband that literally would do anything for you and you just walk away.
I don't know what to think, God's will be done
D6 and D6 are making me a crown, they have been in my office while I type this measuring my head so the crown fits. They also made my bed for me, I was in a rush this morning and didn't have time, If I was alone without my little ones I would have gone crazy by now.
Just keep swimming, just keep swimming
M45 W41 M10.75 years D9, D6, D6, S5 OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08 W files for D 07/18/08 Date I'll forgive W for A = never
Tough couple of days for you. I wish I could offer some miracle advice or help to get you through this. But both you and I believe in the same God. And when I read your posts, I see God working in your life and even your marriage. It's almost like you are being purified right now. You've grown into such a patient, loving father. Your kids adore you and undoubtedly see that strength. And you can't deny that things like your wife accidentally getting stuck at church or her mom's untimely passing might actually be part of His bigger plan to give her a dose of reality. I'm not trying to read too much into all this or predict the future. I'm not that smart. I only know that there is a God and I'm definitely not Him. I just know in my case, much of the bitterness towards my W has faded and I'd even welcome my prodigal home as crazy as that sounds. That forgiveness isn't mine. If I had my way, I would've found a way to keep her hurting as much as I have hurt over this past year. But at the end of the day, its not MY way, but His way!
You never know what could happen with your WAM(w). For your children's sake, I hope that she does come out of this fog. And for your sake too. There are some undeniably hopeful signs that you've written about even if it is too confusing and painful. At the very least you'll have someone to co-parent with. At the very best, the woman you love might actually emerge from the darkness that she's allowed herself to be trapped in. This sounds crazy but if the goal of a marriage is to get your partner to heaven, her unfaithfulness might have been your springboard to sainthood! A gift that you could never thank your W enough...
Been off of here for a little while. Sorry to hear about the passing of your MIL. I have the same kind of MIL, she is great.
I could see how bad that speech she gave you would mess with your mind sometimes. You are a strong guy and I see you keep moving forward and doing the right things.
A warrior does not give up on what he loves, he finds the love in what he does
germ04 This sounds crazy but if the goal of a marriage is to get your partner to heaven, her unfaithfulness might have been your springboard to sainthood!
Hey Germ, I'm no saint, just trying to get by in life and love my kids
Germ and yenko, The I love you speech, really messed with my head, I couldn't get W out of my thoughts all day yesterday, I want to forget her and move on with my life. I thought I was doing fine, then after the speech It felt like I took ten steps backwards. Going over in my head everything I already thought about, how did I get to this point, what could I have done, how great it was to hold her, and on and on and on.
Was really depressed yesterday - home from work today, cleaning, been crazy around here the last couple of days - got to get my head screwed on straight and live, love, and grow.
I cannot just keep swimming in circles
W41 M10.75 years D9, D6, D6, S5 OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08 W files for D 07/18/08 Date I'll forgive W for A = never
I use to have a hair cut like a marine and I've let my hair grow long, my W best friend told me several times how good I looked and her sister said the same thing. W sister told me again today how much her sister thought how good I looked, everyone was hugging me, was wierd, I don't know what they expected me to look like, sad, depressed, worn down, etc. 
Don't they always say you can't fix something until you know it's broken? (If not, they should).