Hi AG, I have mostly been basking in the glow of my vacation for the past week. I did manage to get back into my daily routine again. Workouts have been escalating leading up to the big race in Nov., so that has kept me really focussed. I am also doing a long distance relay swim next weekend and a "warm-up" race the following.
I also got the revised draft back from the L on Thurs. She did a good job with most of the points, but I still have 2 open points that I need her to address before I am ready to go ahead.
That means next week will be the Big Convo with W. I will definitely take your advice and work through the points beforehand as I would for a business meeting. Great idea, not sure why i didn't think of that...I would never go to a business meeting without writing things down in advance, yet for personal meetings, I have never done it.
So, that's it for now.
SD
Me 41 W 41 Kids: S9 S7 Married 16 years Bomb dropped 2/2/07 Still living together! current thread
SD- Just did a "read-by" to catch up with you. I love NYC, too! I don't think I could ever live someplace that wasn't commuting distance to it. I won't be one of those New Yorkers who retire down there--you guys can keep those Augusts of yours.
Your training sounds right on track. That must be a great way to focus energy and keep healthy in the midst of all this.
Hope that the convos go smoothly, at least. I know just how hard it is with the kids involved. I'll be thinking of you...
Thanks Donna, I think I just need to take an afternoon off of work and think through exactly what my goals are in the convo with W and how to accomplish those goals...back to the basics when in doubt.
Thanks again for checking in.
SD
Me 41 W 41 Kids: S9 S7 Married 16 years Bomb dropped 2/2/07 Still living together! current thread
Sounds like you have a plan. Hope all goes well with the Big Convo.
I had a difficult personal situation that I handled last December - that was the first time I prepared for that phone call the way I prepare for a meeting. The actual phone call went well. I did receive a number of nasty emails after the fact - but I was emotionally prepared for that as well. I prepared for all possible responses to my phone call.
Of course your "meeting" is a little more challenging and a lot more personal than mine was...
Good luck with your training. Hope Ike doesn't force you to swim indoors.
Catching up with you & see the big convo is happening soon. Is it any day now, or next week?
I saw that she refused mediation 3x's, I can't remember, does she have any idea this is coming up?
You're really sounding prepared for this & getting a lot of good advice/support...I'll be thinking of you.
It'd be great to hear an update from Nick & kat, when I saw "the papers" on the kitchen counter I thought of her. I talked to Nomo a couple of weeks ago & got the job news, but have to call Still to catch up with her. She might be petite, but she can handle her own, can't she!
How are things going? Did you have the Big Convo yet?
Yes we did. It went about as expected. I got a mixture of sadness, quietness, and ANGER back from her. She accused me of being selfish, arrogant, an f'ing thief, only concerned about money, not caring about our kids, etc. etc.
She, on the one hand, says that she will do anything for our kids. On the other hand, she threatened (again) to tell the kids that it's all my fault. Also wanted to tell me what I was thinking and has already concluded that we will have an ugly court battle.
I let her rant and responded with mostly "I'm sorry you feel that way." I hope it helps to diffuse things a bit. I also asked her to not decide what I am thinking in advance, but rather to negotiate for what she wants instead.
It seemed to work somewhat as she did ask for a few specific things after that which I agreed to include in the settlement I am filing.
I am very happy that I was able to do this when the kids were in school and also that I was able to maintain a calm, collected demeanor throughout, if with a few tears in my eyes. No anger or accusations from my side.
Interestingly, when there were a few long pauses in the convo, I found myself thinking back on the best of times...when we were on our honeymoon in Europe, when the kids were born, etc.
So, other that feeling completely exhausted right now, I don't seem too much worse for the wear.
Have a great weekend, SD
Me 41 W 41 Kids: S9 S7 Married 16 years Bomb dropped 2/2/07 Still living together! current thread
I am glad you came out virtually unscathed. Sometimes we have to make some tough decisions in the short term so that the long term is better. It sounds like W took it better than expected, this breaking out of limbo.
Now, a few things can happen. From what I know of your sitch, the most probable is a nasty court battle. Plese take care of yourself and do what you can to protect yourself from "dirty tricks" and other nastiness. However unlikely, another possibility is that she starts trying to be the perfect wife. If that occurs, you are going to have to figure out how you are going to react to that behavior.
One thing is for certain: one day she will take the short bus back from crazy-ville and see how she ruined her life and the lives of everyone around her. She will realize that she created this mess and now it is crashing in around her. It is hard to say when that will happen, but my observation is that it requires a forcing function. That function may be divorce court or some other "rock bottom" type scenario.
For my part, things are going well. Everything just sort of dissipated on its own; very strange occurance somewhat akin to a storm just running out of energy. My W is behaving super well, the children are great, work is working and all things are good. Honestly, I had a miracle and only God to thank.
Take care of you and the kids. Look on the bright side: you are starting a new adventure in life and you should embrace it. Sure it is sad how things work out, but accept that which you cannot change and work hard for your happiness and your childrens' happiness.
Best, --Chris
Me: 40 She: 31 S: 5 D: 3 Married: 8 years (05 DEC 99) Blow-up: 02 JUN 07 Piecing (More like Ostriching): 22 FEB 08
