Navy Wife--The Toughest Job In The Fleet

[Sara]

I think the religion brings up the guilt issue in him. He's not ready to face feeling guilty so it is easier to turn his back on the religion. I agree with Nik's advice. Go light on the religious stuff in the letter. I don't think he finds that attractive now.

[Amy M]

Here's hoping you have a good day!!!! You deserve one.

I know after the other night with my H that guilt is the main motivator for him. That same kind of guilt would definitely keep your H out of church and away from God. Given that your H might see it as trying too hard to control things...I'd leave the Bible out of the bag. If he decides to do any reading on the ship, he'll be able to find one. I'm know there are Christians in our military, right? And, as you pointed out to me several weeks ago about my H, when he's ready, there'll be no way to stop him. You can't force him...what seems so clear to you and me, is not to him. And, if he feels pressured by you, he'll resist longer!

Take care of you!
Amy

[Neilh23]

SMV-
good letter, but, like everyone has said, don't pressure him. That'll drive him away further.....and don't put the Bible in there. When God speaks to him, your H will listen. Rest assured in that fact.

stay strong girl. I'm thinking of you

[NikB]

((SMW))

I like the rewrite! Still a LITTLE unsure on the "priorities" part given where he's at with religion, but I think it is a great letter.

I agree on the bible... if he wants one on the ship, he'll be able to find one.

[Tomato]

I will be praying for you and your family.

(((((SMW)))))

[S.T. _I Made It!]

well, looks like I missed the letter critiquing. I agreed mostly with Nik, and whoever made the big comments before her.

I would almost leave that first paragraph out. Because, depending where HE is in his own sitch, this makes it sound like your expecting him to stay M to you (and we are in a way because we have faith that God is bringing him home, but HE may not be sure yet) and it can trigger guilt because it's like your trying to get him to see how much you've been through and how long, etc.

I think someone already said this, but your comment on putting the kids first, when he needing more "me". I think that you need to say we needed more "WE".

well, it may be too late for my input, but oh well.

on the bible. I'm not for or against. Him saying he's not ready for church, it's because he is still living in his sin, so to say. He hasn't asked forgiveness for himself or from you, so even if he has cut off from the OW mostly, he's still living in it.

oh, your comment on the forgiveness, I would only say, (and leave out the other, because it's like your assuming he's wanting forgiveness) "H, no matter what happens, I want you to know that I offer my forgiveness to you, and I hope that you are able to do the same for me. (this could be where you could apologize for your contribution- but don't over explain)

oh, I also agree to not say that you will give him the bills and discipline to do (and discipline should be a joint effort anyways), but be more vague in saying I took control of the kids and finances instead of letting you be the head of the household and lead us as a family as you should have been able to do.

okay, guess I wrote more than I meant! It took me 5 hours to write this as I got distracted and had to come back, so who knows what's been written since! I will check now though.