No date set, just the next time I'm here. I have to say from past experience with H once he says he'll do something that's as far as it goes. It is almost as if simply mentioning it will magically get the task accomplished. I'd be (most pleasantly) surprised if he followed through with anything but the taxes.
Originally Posted By: girlfromipanema
I can't believe you haven't broken the news to your family yet... you're worse than me! =)
My parents are in their 90's, my mother is quite frail and my father is sliding into dementia. My mother thinks the world of H and it will absolutely destroy her when she finds out. She is already burdened by so much worry about my father, their house, my recently divorced sister and her children. For some inexplicable reason H has facilitated the charade that our relationship is still solid.
The last time I visited he telephoned their house every few days to make the situation appear unchanged. This time he was at a professional conference and I told her that he wasn't likely to telephone.
I was preparing to post this last night when my cell phone rang. It was H checking to see if I was at my parent's house and wondering if he should call me on their phone. He had tried contacting me at our home to see if I was there. He explained that "he hadn't wanted to do anything to worry them". We spoke for about an hour and, when I finished the call I had a really hard time getting back to sleep. He gave me advice about my F's condition and asked if he should go check on our house after church. Somehow we started talking about our garden and we agreed that he should pick some tomatoes and anything else which would otherwise go to waste. I've been trying not to read anything into his motivation, but I do feel it was a small, positive step.
This afternoon before calling them he checked with me to see if there were any updates on my F's condition.
Oh, and I did remove my ring on Wednesday morning. And rather than putting it on the bureau or in my jewelry case, I am so sappily sentimental, I transferred it from my finger to a long gold chain which I plan to wear around my neck, thereby retaining some connection to the original placement. Of course, before arriving at my parents I had to put it back on my finger for as long as I was there. Now I will have no problem wearing it on a chain.
Me: 59 H: 59 Together: 28 years Married: 25 years in August "There may be someone else" 12/26/07 H signed a one year lease 4/1/08 H moved out 5/11/08 H beginning to show a tiny amount of interest 7/5/08 Is it possible that he is courting me? 9/30/08
I transferred it from my finger to a long gold chain which I plan to wear around my neck, thereby retaining some connection to the original placement.
Nice, I like that idea. It's still important to you, but with an acknowledgement of how things stand. I wish I would have thought of doing something similar when I took mine off.
It is in the shelter of each other that people live.--Irish proverb
Hi i, I must give all credit for that idea to my DB coach. The ring was of more value to me than just a simple piece of jewelry. I have to say that it is nicely symbolic that it is still with me and now it is comforting to be wearing it next to my heart.
Me: 59 H: 59 Together: 28 years Married: 25 years in August "There may be someone else" 12/26/07 H signed a one year lease 4/1/08 H moved out 5/11/08 H beginning to show a tiny amount of interest 7/5/08 Is it possible that he is courting me? 9/30/08
I haven't really heard from H since Sunday when he e-mailed to say that the garden was in good shape. He had come into the house and saw some evidence that I have been indeed GLA. I hadn't staged it that way since I was certain I would be back after only a few days.
I have not been lonely since he has been gone although I have missed him and missed our rituals and routines. I really feel as if I will be just fine should he never return. I've said it before but if he wanted to work on our M he would have to convince me that he would be willing to put in the effort. Have I dropped the rope? Have I detached? I do know that I won't be so strong when I learn at some point that he has married the OW.
Re-reading my previous journal entries I see that he is trying to tie up loose ends, he is being kind to my parents, and, is probably getting ready to close the door on our part in his life. It makes me sad, however, in some ways, it sets me free.
Me: 59 H: 59 Together: 28 years Married: 25 years in August "There may be someone else" 12/26/07 H signed a one year lease 4/1/08 H moved out 5/11/08 H beginning to show a tiny amount of interest 7/5/08 Is it possible that he is courting me? 9/30/08
I'm back home. Just finished sorting the mail. There is a card from H sent on the eve of our anniversary. I'd love to know what you all think of this message:
I hope on this anniversary you consider our relationship a success. I do, for we have both grown immensely through it. Thank-you for helping me through the bad times, celebrating with me the good times. You are a good person, and I wish you nothing but health and happiness. Friends forever,
Me: 59 H: 59 Together: 28 years Married: 25 years in August "There may be someone else" 12/26/07 H signed a one year lease 4/1/08 H moved out 5/11/08 H beginning to show a tiny amount of interest 7/5/08 Is it possible that he is courting me? 9/30/08
Hmmmmmmmm... That is a very interesting card. It's obvious that he still cares for you, BUT, it's so difficult whether to know if he's reaching out to you for more than friendship. Does he expect you two to remain best of friends? Very strange. Perhaps you should call him and thank him for the card and see if he initiates further conversation. KEEP EXPECTATIONS ULTRA LOW.
Even if he is wanting to be strictly friends, he's a highly educated man with expertise in the mental health field, correct? Wouldn't it be safe to assume that he would consider the effect such a card would have on someone who still had romantic feelings of love for the sender???
I'll be waiting for your update, ISH. You're in my thoughts!
M: 37 H: 36 Married: Aug 13, 2004 Decision to Divorce: July 20, 2008 Reconciled: September 2008 Current: Ambivalence
Even if he is wanting to be strictly friends, he's a highly educated man with expertise in the mental health field, correct? Wouldn't it be safe to assume that he would consider the effect such a card would have on someone who still had romantic feelings of love for the sender???
You are correct, Ms.imp (how do you keep all of our details straight? you're amazing)! I think in the endorphin fueled state of MLC it really is all about him. I don't think he has the capacity to empathize or to think of anything else but his future with the OW.
On Sunday he telephoned me on his way to church. (First contact from him in a week.) He told me he was thinking he should start on the taxes (both ours and my parent's). After I concurred, he told me he wanted to stop by that day after church. I told him I had a very busy day scheduled and it wouldn't be possible that day. Also, that he hadn't given me much notice. When he asked exactly how much notice I would need because, he also had to plan a time that would fit in his schedule, I chuckled and said, "Well, more than 2 hours. Got to go... Bye".
After he returned to his apartment after church he send an e-mail apologising for being inconsiderate and gave me three time slots for me to consider although he could be flexible. He also suggested two weekends to go to my parent's house to do the wiring.
Yesterday I replied that he needn't have apologised, he just should know that I couldn't always make spontaneous plans. Also, any of the times he suggested would be fine, as long as I knew which one he preferred.
Should I be hopeful? Rather than 2 hours after work on Wednesday or 2 hours before work on Thursday, he would like to come over to the house on Saturday during the day. I'm thinking that he won't be rushed and he would be able to have time to visit with his dog pick some vegetables and enjoy the grounds. I'm thinking it might be a good idea to be gone some of the time he is here.
And Ms.imp, I'm definitely following your advice:
Originally Posted By: girlfromipanema
KEEP EXPECTATIONS ULRA LOW
Me: 59 H: 59 Together: 28 years Married: 25 years in August "There may be someone else" 12/26/07 H signed a one year lease 4/1/08 H moved out 5/11/08 H beginning to show a tiny amount of interest 7/5/08 Is it possible that he is courting me? 9/30/08
So true b39. I was left cold by his clinical and distant message. I would have been totally devastated had I not remembered that a necessary stage of DB is friendship and must occur before any successful reconciliation. Still, I was (partially) crushed, but had to remind myself that the act of buying, writing, and sending a card to comemmorate our anniversary meant something - regardless of the words he wrote.
Me: 59 H: 59 Together: 28 years Married: 25 years in August "There may be someone else" 12/26/07 H signed a one year lease 4/1/08 H moved out 5/11/08 H beginning to show a tiny amount of interest 7/5/08 Is it possible that he is courting me? 9/30/08
