Why is it that he can't recognize the things that are causing his feelings????
Actually he can, which is why it is upsetting. This is the area in your R where he feels he is "supposed" to be a rock and this is affecting him. He doesn't want to lay this at you feet because he doesn't want you to feel guilty about him having these feelings and he doesn't want you to have his fears (i.e. he knows he needs to be strong for you in this area of your life)
Throw in a little bit of guilt in this area due to the EA from the past and the popsicle girl and......there you go.
Actually, I think the fact that you let it drop, he got his temper under control and then "psuedo-confided in you" (i.e. told you but then told you that wasn't the reason) is very good for anyone in his situation.
As a guy.....we are supposed to be able to deal with things like this......
TwinDad Me 39, W 36, M 11 W - MLC, WAW???? 2 Kids B/G 3 YRS Old Start of the Long and Bumpy Road..... On the verge of piecing.....a new beginning
Even though everyone says not to listen to the words of the MLC'er, I think I have tended to think that his actions come from guilt - that he says he doesn't feel the love for me that he thinks he should...that now I am "healthy" again I should be free of him to pursue a better life. This makes me afraid.
But his actions show me differently. And your insight makes perfect sense.
Most of us are about as happy as we make up our minds to be.
Some of his feelings bubbled to the top last night... He embarassed me in front of our friends with a "not-so-sweet" young thing at the pub. (And I was less than friendly to her.)
Several people came up and commented to me that I ought not to worry, that she was as dumb as a box of rocks and had nothing on me.
How embarassing. No wonder he hasn't wanted me to go down there this summer.
He's been free to flirt and act like "Joe Cool" without any reminder of me. It hurts to have friends point out that I deserve better and that he doesn't act respectful to me.
I know it shouldn't bother me so much. It's part of his MLC. But it still hurts.
Most of us are about as happy as we make up our minds to be.
I am glad you can recognize it for what it is. You are getting so good at this.
When people come up and comment like that, I would just respond......"oh, I'm not worried....it is actually kind of funny" or "oh please.....he is just being an a$$" and smile show everyone your strength
If you look at it from a thrid party perspective....think about what it looks like to a person that doesn't know any of you to watch your H flirt with a young thing. Kind of like the commercial where the middle age men are holding in their stomachs while a very hot young lady strolls by.
Not looking to make light of your pain, just trying to give a different way of looking at it.
TwinDad Me 39, W 36, M 11 W - MLC, WAW???? 2 Kids B/G 3 YRS Old Start of the Long and Bumpy Road..... On the verge of piecing.....a new beginning
The weekend has been up and down so far. H was at the bar when I drove home. I went right on by. Went home, had a good cry, took some tylenol for my headache and took a nap. At 8:00 fixed something to eat and then I went out to treat my hot tub.
H drove in then and had brought home dinner for both of us. I ate a small bit of it and we talked about Saturday was the day of his golf league end of year outing. He left about 10:30, but we had a good morning before, with lots of good convo and plans for Saturday night and Sunday.
He said that it was the first Lions NFL game that evening, and that he wanted to come home and watch the game with me. He asked me to fix a light dessert that we would share together, and told me to go ahead and eat dinner w/o him since they would eat at the banqquet.
I looked foward to the evning all day. (I know my mistake, having expectations...especially when I knew he would be with his friends and drinking.)
Guess what? The game started....H did not come home. He did not call. I started to record it for him, and went upstairs to the bedroom to watch the baseball game. 2 hours later he came home.
I guess I should have expected it. He was drunk. Made light of the fact that he had made any plan with me and stated that he didn't want to be the only guy at the table to get up and have to call his wife and say he was going to be late.
He said that was the problem with out marriage. That I expect him to be and do what he says he is going to. Brother!
Then he told me there was a guy out there somewhere that was better suited for me, and that he wouldn't be my H for long.
I went to bed and he slept on the couch.
I brought him coffee this morning. He is alive, but not moving much. I suspect he has the hangover from hell. Great. Another fun weekend for us.
What a waste of life.
Last edited by 1hope; 08/24/0812:35 PM.
Most of us are about as happy as we make up our minds to be.
I hope you have a great weekend and the alien takes a vacation for a little bit (actually forever.....).
The alien hasn't left yet. In fact, at breakfast a little while ago it just informed me that he would be up north golfing next month on our 10th anniversay, and that 10 years was nothing special...not any big deal. If I want to be with him I'll get used to it and not get upset about stuff like that.
The man I married was NOT like this. Maybe I'm not cut out for this?
Most of us are about as happy as we make up our minds to be.
Ok, I'm done feeling sorry for myself now and back on track.
The remainder of our day yesterday went well together. We hung out and relaxed and then bbq'd chicken out on the deck at the end of the day. We even managed to share a couple of frozen margaritas together...just like previous summers. I really enjoyed that.
I see that my H is in a bind as far as our anniversary is concerned. So I just won't bring it up again, and see what works out. No sense borrowering worry.
Most of us are about as happy as we make up our minds to be.
