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Then truly give yourslef permission to do it....this will take energy...give yourself a break. If you have to tell yourself you need the break to give you the strength for Saturday....you don't want to get through the majority of the day doing famously only to slip up at the end. If you have to take a day off from here.....we will miss you, but you can't help but think about your sitch when you are on here.


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Hi Julia: Wow we are in the same time frame, H and I split about two weeks before you and your H, so I can so understand your heading. I also can totally relate to being exhausted and tired by thinking about the sitch. I am in the same place.

I am not sure that we can consciouly stop thinking about the sitch, but I find that almost physically pushing it out of my head helps. My C told me to view it as if I were an outsider looking in, and most of the time that works.

(((Julia))) I hope you have good interaction this weekend! DB Girl DB!!!


Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..

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(((Julia)))
just saying hi- i like TD's ideas! pamper yourself \:\)


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I will try to. I just got a text from my h saying

'Mid-morning I guess. What needs to be done?'

To be honest I really don't want to enter into dialogue over text about that stuff it is easier when he is here and I think it sets boundaries about what I am and what I am not prepared to do over text. I just don't want to have to take the lead which is what he always makes me do it feels like. Or am I anti-dbing? I just want a break over the next few days.

Any one have any suggestions? Thanks for letting me lean on everyone today, I have really appreciated your support.

I thought something like

'Lets have a look on Saturday. If I'm not in give me a buzz as I have a few errands to run'


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(((((Julia)))))

I think that sounds good. Trying to talk substance by text could get misunderstood too easily.

You may end up taking the lead, whether you like it or not, though.

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Thanks (((Jeff)))

I know, but i'm really going to try and do something different this weekend. If not, just for my sake I don't want the interaction to be like my pre Dbing days.


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Have a pie ready! That would shock him, and soften him up!

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i think you can do some via text- whatever he is more comfy with- i know that sucks but just go with whatever he wants to an extent- if it gets too wordy - you could just say: can u call me?... thats what i did at the start of the text relationship! ha ha


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Hey Julia,

I was just thinking, if H always made you feel as though you had to take the lead, how about doing something different by not taking the lead in any way. Just let him make the decisions/lead the conversation and see how it goes. he might resist and not do it, but at least you'll have done something different??

(((((hugs))))) glad you had a good rainbow or two earlier!

L. xx

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That is kinda my plan, I'm going to try and strike a balance between keeping my mouth closed and not being obstructive, I want to be co-operative.

I had a good day today, I had a day off work so I slept in late, went swimming (although the boiler wasn't working at the pool so nearly had organ failure from the cold, of course I never exagerate! lol) then I had a luxury bath to try and warm up again. I found I didn't think about h or the sitch for 2 hours - that is really a record! I have also made a good start at making the house look amazing, whilst singing at the top of my voice, luckily the neighbours both sides are old and can not really hear anything. It is a great house! And also annoyed the cat who was trying to sleep all day - she just looked too cute!

Plan for tomorrow is more PMAing. I am in such a great mood at the moment. So, work in the morning, shopping at lunchtime then going home early to finish the cleaning and bake my Key Lime Pie creation. I know it doesn't sound terribly exciting but I'm making the most of my house while I still have it.

Also randomly when I was out with my friends the other week I must have arranged, while drunk, for them all to come round this Sunday and do my garden. I have no real memory of this but apparently I organised a BBQ and everything so I am now doing that on Sunday which should be fun.


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