Ali, if you feel you must call him then do,but please don't say anything in anger. I think IMO it is good to let him know how hurt you have been and to try to get some closure which will enable you to move on. I always say don't look for answers because there are non but feel in your case there might be. Please don,t feel you have wasted this time, you did what you felt was right and gave your x the chance to return.
I also agree not many return and often those that do leave again. I also congratulate you for not getting drawn into the false hope and baby steps.
I think in all honesty we know in our heart when it's over. If you call,be calm and try to have some notes to help you keep the convo on track. If your anything like me(emotional) its so easy to end up actually saying non of what I intended.
Thanks naej, this is all driving me beyond the point of insanity. I cant believe I held my feelings in for 6 whole months, I actually feel like screaming and breaking things, but I wont (and I dont want to scream in fact, I dont want to feel this way). I cannot believe that he did not allow me, or us to talk or express any emotion about our 9 years together, or breaking up.
Why do you say you think in this case there might be answers?
Trying to gear myself up for speaking to him, dont know what I will say, or if he will even answer the phone (probably not). He said in his email yesteday that he still felt a bit ill and was absolutely shattered, so he may play that card if he does pick up. I suppose theres a slim possibility that he will phone me.
I'm not sure how late to leave it to see if he will or not, 8? 8.30? Funny how I managed to get through so many days, like 180 of them (ha) and now it suddenly seems imperative to speak to him. But then, I guess thats how its going to feel when you have a once in a lifetime conjunction of Venus (lovelife), Saturn (restrictions, hard tests) and Mercury (communication) all in your 7th house of partners.
Not saying his answers will make any sense to you but its more a feeling than a certainty, but the way he kept up so much contact at one point and then slipped back. I guess it's just from reading your thread but as I said I am usually a firm believer that there are no answers,but I don't see him as MLC so just maybe he has his reasons that could be verbalised. Now the point is do you really want to know? Are you strong enough to hear what he has to say without going down,down,down. OR begging and pleading that you can become whoever he wants or change anything and everything he says about you? Is he a tv person, best to check you don't call in the middle of whatever he watches regularly. 8-8.20 sounds about right,not too late and he will have eaten. Good luck.
Well, I called my Mum and she talked me out of it. She said that I should respect his privacy, if he wanted to talk to me, he would call me and obviously, him no longer calling me is deliberate and must be for a reason. So now I am not so sure I should. She also thinks he may have met someone.
I agree Neaj, I didnt think he was so much MLC either (although he does have a heap of childhood issues come to the fore)..but there isnt a forum for depressed partners, so this one seemed good enough.
I thikn the last time we spoke, it was very awkward, I was obviously not ok, we had a very different conversation than the ones we had had for months, I was not acting as if, I was clearly struggling. He picked up on that and anyway, in himself he was irritable and angry about this work stuff.
My friend also said, hes in his cave, best to leave him there.
I guess this past year has got me so addled and confused I can no longer think straight.
To ring or not to ring, that is the question. Thoughts anyone !???
I honestly don't believe he's met someone- I think his depression means he doesn't have the energy for it. On the other hand, I do think he's in his cave and is thinking, although I have no idea what he's thinking about.
I would say to be still. Distract yourself for an hour or two and do something completely different, not thinking about BF at all. Then see how you feel and what your instincts are telling you about calling. Personally, if I still felt the urge to make contact I'd then send a short but friendly text saying 'thinking of you and hope you're feeling better today' but with no expectations of a reply.....
Thanks Lisa, I guess not, but it was forecast for him (by me).
Good point about the text..although he doesnt get those at home. Its 8.30. So thats it, the calls have stopped (and the emails). I knew that this 2 weeks period was going to be the make or break. I hate being an astrologer. I predicted we'd last 10 years, I predicted we'd break up September 2007 3 years before, I predicted at the beginning of this year that I would know by August one way or another. I hate astrology.
Those of you who are going through relationship difficulties may find this to be a lonely week. Try not to despair. Even if you're in a tough situation, the pain will subside in a week or two, and you'll be able to move forward with a plan.
Resist the temptation to be overly critical and to blame others for the difficulties in your life. At the same time, don't get stuck in blaming yourself, as this isn't particularly helpful or productive, either. The best strategy this week, if you can swing it, is to reserve judgment and wait until next week to see the picture more clearly.
The Full Moon lunar eclipse on Saturday brings ongoing issues to a head. There shouldn't be any surprises to this one. Chances are, you've seen the handwriting on the wall in big, bold letters, although perhaps you've been wishing that it weren't true. The eclipse falls at 24''21' Aquarius, in close conjunction with Neptune, the planet of dreams and delusions. If you can strip away the wishful thinking, you may find that the reality, while stark, is something you can deal with. You just need to confront it, and then deep healing can take place. ...my North Node (true destiny) is at 24'' Aquarius and is taking a direct hit from the eclipse, meaning it hits in harsh opposition to my South Node in my 7th house of 1:1 R's. Lunar eclipses bring things to a culmination and signify endings in the area they land in. Great. I hate astrology. Did I say that already?
Second, please stop beating yourself up! I think that most of the time when you had a choice of what to do, you made the choice that gave you the best chance to succeed. Don't beat yourself up with what ifs and I shouldas! I think that a lot of the things you are thinking you should have done now would have ended things on the spot, or at least made things a lot harder.
Be quiet for a while. What can it hurt? You're not looking for another R right now, so just detaching and taking care of yourself should be a really good thing for you.
Thanks T and Jeff and Lisa! My triumvirate of support... like one of those lovely cake stands. I'm a coffee cake! Nice to see you Jeff, thanks for saying I am a good person, funnily enough, someone said that to me yesterday and also, my ex said that to me when he dumped me.
So...for me...I just spoke to a free excellent counsellor for the past hour through the EAP programme for the job I resigned a month ago. He didnt even ask my name. The phone number was on the internet anyway! This country is ace. He was amazing. He listened, we talked about depression, about how someone can go out, work, socialise etc, but then not deal with me. We talked about bereavement and coping mechanisms.
We talked about my feelings of guilt that maybe I didnt handle his Dads death well, didnt give him enough time, forced the issue of moving away...but he said its not my fault, I tried, but communication is a two way thing, you can lead a horse to water...
One thing that jumped out - I said that I felt angry at him and I didnt want to feel angry and I got a bit upset. He paused and said, why dont you want to feel angry at him? And I couldnt answer, then I thought maybe its because I am not used to being angry at him, also that it acknoweldges that he is not giving me something I want from him and I am not going to get what I want and that is a painful thing to face up to.
I didnt call him and I am glad I didnt. So thanks for being there for me guys.
Interestingly, its not an ending of the R for him so much (that already happened, right), but its probably the end of his life in Cornwall, living where he is. He finds out this week what date they want him to move back by.
