Partner left after 9 yrs - yep, still depressed

[Essie]

Wow Ali you have so many friends here that care about you (me included). I cant add anything more to the wisdom shared. Just stopping by to give you a big hug. You are going to have a fantastic life, and you are a wonderful person. BF is crazy to miss out on sharing your life. Hope you have a better day today.

[AliSuddenly]

Thankyou girls! And Jeff! I feel undeserving to be honest Essie (another one for the C!)

I had a thought earlier (before I read your posts) that it IS sort of crazy that he dumped me, as I am a great catch and a nice person and we are SO compatible and really loved each other before he decided to destroy our R. I guess he meant it when he said he was "mental" and "crazy in the head". And Mishka, lots of those people were 'his' friends and apart from his BMF W, I havent seen any of them in my own right and am unlikely to ever again, which makes me sad.

I've been doing alot of reading, which I will share with you ! Eclipses are like Pluto transits (which last years) in a burst of a few months. Pluto transits anihilate what was there. Its like the volcano erupting and destroying the land, or an atomic bomb, or any process thats destructive. But from that you get new life, more fertile ground, you have to hit rock bottom before you truly go up, its transformation, death and rebirth, phoenix from the ashes stuff. It feels traumatic and frightening at the time and for a while you're like a new born lamb on shaky legs needing your 'mother', but then you find your feet...

So I KNOW I will be ok (although this isnt the first time this has happened, so I'm getting weary of this, I know people who've had settled times all their adult lives! Hmmph!)..you just cant press the fast forward button. And because I had an eclipse crash land exact on my Sun at 18' Pisces last September, I'm still feeling the seismic shock of that on my very sense of self and identity, who I am and where I am going.

[mishka422]

That is fascinating Ali. I do believe there is an energy in the universe that can affect the way things in our lives occur. Of course, it's how we choose to react to those things that makes the real difference, right?

You're a beautiful soul Ali, truly. I would love to learn more about all of this Astrology stuff. Of course, my mother would have a heart attack and my pastor would faint dead away! I don't see the harm in learning about other forces of the universe though.

[AliSuddenly]

Go for it Mishka! I dont understand it at all...I am debating again teaching astrology classes and I looked into rooms to hire yesterday. Can I do it? Can I be bothered to do it!? I guess a little part of me CAN see further than 2 weeks ahead, but only in a peeking way. I really have lost my long range vision.

In other reading...I have the Moon in the 7th, meaning I get my Moon stuff, nurturing and "mothering" through my partner (my Mum has the Moon in the 10th - career, and she said she could never separate her emotions from her work, natch). My ex also has a 7th house Moon, so he is the same as me. Breaking from me is all about breaking away from and rebelling against the "mother", because she is the one that made him so f'd up. Wierd then that he now speaks to her every day when he rarely spoke to her in our 9 years together. I guess he is putting his energy into healing the R with his Mum as they didnt have one following her acrimonious D and he went to live with his Dad at 16.

It made me realise I need to work on healing my R with my Mum too. We are close and speak nearly daily, but she has a very tough love, conditional type R with me and my sister and did not behave in a typical motherly way - one example, I have no memory of my Mum reading me bedtime stories...so I asked her why not and she laughed and said she taught us to read at 3 (she did) so we could read ourselves a story so she didnt have to bother doing it! Now, thats bad. But then, I had a reading age of 15 by age 7, which is a good thing, which I thank her for.

[One Day]

Hi Al,

You're sounding so much more positive in the recent posts today. Are you feeling it? I love the idea of you teaching astrology classes- you're so great at it, I can only imagine the class being packed out!

On the BF front, I agree- his e-mail sounds like he needs some cave/withdrawal time. I think he needs to be left alone for a while, for whatever reason, but the fact he e-mailed you is still good. He's explaining his absence, which means he's thining of you.

Are you still thinking of speaking to him? I was thinking about that today, and in one sense I'm wondering whether it'd be an experiment in doing something different. After all, being friendly has gotten you so far, and MWD does say that the same technique doesn't always work, so you could experiment with speaking to him more openly. if it doesn't work, you can always change back. Just a thought. I'm in a DB experimentation phase at the moment. Of course, in the end you know what's best for your sitch......

L. xx

[Abbey]

Ali ... *hugs*... your fellow fishie here. (Mar 19)

Michelle told you to follow your instincts... that's sometimes the best you can hope to do when you're faced with a damned if you do... damned if you don't.

I had something similar and had to break dark. I really wasn't sure how that would "be" in the grander scale of things... it's worked out... so far. Even showed me some of his "being a teenager" side today. (One Day.. I'm sure I owe you and your DB councilor money

What I got from his note was more just the D being in a hold pattern. He mentioned wanting to be knackered. Sounds like he's having trouble sleeping, is he? Might explain the booze a little better. ADs can screw with your sleeping patterns if you don't hit both nails on the head. I'm on ADs PLUS sleeping aids. Wouldn't be able to do one without the other. Might just be he's self medicating to "escape" through sleep.

Now... advice about taking care you you. Yep... couple of folks are giving you a shake... and well they should. Detach ... only way to survive this. I was afraid if I did at first, I'd end up hating my H, or just not caring anymore etc. (Are you afraid of detaching for some reason?) You don't have to leave the planet to keep sane. Just get a little fire retardant on your jeans, you know what we're saying?

Might also talk about a low dose of ADs to get you through for a couple of months... just something to take the edge off. Frankly,... I fought the AD route. If ya need a little "help"... use what's out there, talk to your C about this. FWIW, I still cry, I still get disappointed, I still get hopeful... It just even outs some of the highs and lows so that you don't bounce round like a pingpong ball at his whim. Just think about it... might be what you need to give you back some of "you". Depression between spouses can be somewhat contagious... you're on his roller coaster...

*hugs*
Abbey

[AliSuddenly]

Hey Abbey! You're a bit later than me then, but you are having a triple Uranus transit on your Sun (once every 84 years, so pretty big news!)..its behind your sun right now in backward motion and will move forwards in November and start heading back toward and over your Sun next year.. so changes are still on the horizon, for you and for me. This coasters still rolling !

Yes, I read about that - transference of depression to the spouse (although I am an ex now, so I shouldnt be catching anything off him!). I have thought about going to the docs and getting diagnosed as depressed lots of times since Christmas, I still go up and down and I'm sure he would say I was, but I dont want it on my notes if I can avoid it. And I would resist taking anything unless I really had to, but would if I needed to. I resolved to go to the docs today, after my weekend, but being at work picked me up a bit. But, twice I had to go hide in a dark hole at work under the stairwell to get some peace and be still and sad.. and then went back to my desk. God I'm such a wierdo! :-) I 'm not normally like this!

His main problem is lack of sleep..he finds it hard to fall asleep and then he usually wakes in the night and cant get back to sleep. He lies there for ages wide awake. When I asked whats keeping him awake he wouldnt tell me, I asked what he thinks about when he wakes in the night he said nothing. Do you think he is fibbing !?? Hes talked about getting anxious alot, but its not noticeable, he hides it.

He had trouble sleeping before he went on ADs and it seems to be worse. He went to the docs last week about it I think, but so far he hasnt taken sleeping pills. He is more tired when he drinks and he knows this (you dont sleep deeply when drunk). I told him the tablets amplify the tiredness, especially on booze and he seemed surprised, but clearly hasnt stopped drinking since I told him that.

The detaching thing.. its not that I dont want to, I honestly dont GET IT! What is it? What does it look/feel like? I must have a banana for a brain becuase its just not sinking in. I've asked before on my thread for helpful posts about it. I think I will go to bed, dust off my DB books and see if theres a chapter on it.

[mishka422]

I don't know how to explain it exactly Ali. I used to think of it as giving up hope but it's not. It's more like releasing yourself from the drama.

I stopped basing my feelings on how he would or might react to them. I stopped wanting to talk to him all the time. I don't even think about him most of the day. It's pretty nice. I have better things to think about now. My new friends, my son, my future, being totally independent! It's really nice once you get there.

I can't say that every day is like this. Reality still hits me about every two or three days but at least it's not every two or three minutes anymore!!!!

[MichelleLT]

(((Ali)))

Mishka's got the detachment about right. It's hard to describe because it's about YOU and your feelings, so it's personal.

I hope you get a good nights sleep!

[AliSuddenly]

Thankyou! Just sounds to me like "its over", detachment, and when it is over for me, when I'm done, thats it, I have already swam off. Guess I'm not there yet! I did reread a bit about detaching from the depressed spouse in DB, but I think it was aimed at couples who are still "together", as much of the book is.

So...wow, my stars this week are mega, and they read true for me (not all sun columns do) as my own chart is the 'right way round' - as in, I DO have these planets in my relationship house right now.

Weekly Love Scope commencing 11 August 2008
This is without a doubt, the most important relationship week, not of the year or even of the decade, but of the century. It was Venus' arrival into your relationship sector last week that saw the planet of love join forces with Mars and Saturn in your relationship sector, for the first time since 1921. However, it was Mercury, planet of communication's arrival into your relationship sector over the weekend that gives an already powerful line up of cosmic support, creating a team that your relationship sector hasn't seen since the 19th Century. Saturn and Venus align on Thursday for only the second time in 3 decades, with Mercury and Saturn aligning on Saturday, for the first time in your relationship sector since 1980. When so much is on offer, a lot more is also expected of you.

..I was hoping to see him this week to sign this lease...and I was hoping to see him this weekend, on the lunar eclipse. I havent seen him for the past 3 weekends so this is it, a real test.

The eclipse on Saturday hits our Sun/Moon conjunction in Leo, but by opposition. The last time there was an eclipse there was February 16th 1999. Its said that whatever started then, will end now. February 13th 1999 was our first kiss and when we started seeing each other. It was the date we used for our anniversary. Back then, an eclipse hit our Sun/Moon, but on the other side of the chart, by conjunction. What will happen...?