Wow Abbey...I so nearly asked you yesterday if you were a Piscean!! When were you born?
I'm not so sure this process he is going through will lead him back in a curve to me one day...thats not how eclipses work. The door slams shut on an eclipse and never reopens. So what difference does it make in the long run how I behave? What will be will be. Eclipses remove something from your life to make way for the new, whether you want it or not. He told me he thought it was over on the Lunar eclipse and first moved out on the solar eclipse. He has been moving further away from me since mid July.
I was hoping to see him Wednesday evening. Another friend in the office has just invited me out for an early drink on Wednesday with her and a guy she thinks I will get on famously with (but as a mate, as he is only 26) who is dying to meet me as he wants to learn all about astrology! So thats funny.
I think you are right about it being a backslide. I may still end up telling him how I feel, if he ever gets in touch. SOOOO tempted to email him. I shouldnt, should I?
Hey Michelle, I think I have been the better person so far, alot of people say they would have ripped his head off, or worse! I wasnt intending to be some psychotic ex, just have a more open convo with him one day!
So..he emailed me at 4.30. It was hard to know how to reply, I kept it cool, then at the last sentence I said "I'm sorry you're still so tired, shattered even. If theres anything I can do to help, like cook you dinner one night or anything just say" which isnt playing it cool and I NEVER say anything like that to him, but if we are not getting back together, then we are just friends and thats exactly what I would say to a mate.
So here it is. He's explaining why he didnt reply to my email Friday I guess. Note he's reverted to that impersonal tone/lack of capitalisation etc. To me he sounds down/low and slightly *rsey and keeping it brief but also letting me know he's not around this evening. Thoughts anyone?
Hiya, glad you had a good time with BFF - shame shes gone now. hope there wasn't any more parent grief. was off on friday - james at work got a ticket for the music thing for friday so got a day off late notice. was good but saturday was awful, total washout, completely soaked and freezing and miserable. still feeling a bit ill from it all, can't believe the weather.
don't worry about checking the mortgage and stuff, i should do it - will check my bank later to see if i can work it out, still confused by it all.
feeling absolutely shattered - no change there then. playing golf later so hopefully will knacker me out.
I know I sound like a broken record but I'm very concerned for you. DETACH DETACH DETACH DETACH DETACH!!!!
You can be his friend without being attached to him and being affected by everything he does or does not do or say. I understand your pain completely. I have lost a 15 year marriage because of my H's actions and decisions. I have no control over it. I have no regrets any longer about the years we spent together but he has chosen his path and I have to make my own now. Do I want to? NO! I want my H to want our M and our family but it isn't going to happen, at least not right now. Does that mean that my life has to stop and be stagnant while I wait and hope for movement from him? NO!
The same applies to you sweet Ali. The only way to move through the pain is to start forcing yourself out of your comfort zone. Force yourself to be with new people. Stoke the fires of new friendships and have new experiences. It's the only way I know of to heal yourself.
His comments about being confused by the mortgage are interesting. What is he confused by? And why does he feel shattered?
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Hey Mishka! Well, things have been less dramatic for me, theres been no OW and he has contacted me an awful lot over the past 6 months, spent lots of time with me, even stayed overnight 4 times. Ok, so its all platonic but he has made it hard to move forward. The bit about being with new people, unfortunately I have always been rather introverted, so the amount I am seeing people and making new friends is actually pretty good for me! I'm going for a drink with a new friend Wednesday and meeting a friend of hers. Its just a slow process!
He's confused because we have a number of mortgages and payments going in and out and he never set up any proper arrangements (or even mentioned it!) since he left me, so it is a tangled web. He's so shattered because he was probably drinking Friday daytime through to Sunday, again. And because he's depressed.
I'm actually getting a bit tired of hearing that he is tired. He's tired because he's drinking alot on ADs, which compound tiredness and he cant sleep becuase he's depressed, yet he's not doing enough to tackle that.
I will have to make a new life and meet new people anyway as its glaringly obvious he's not coming back ! Ok, so he makes alot of excuses in his email, but he wasnt on the moon, he could have called or texted to say hi, like he has been doing this past 6 months, but he chose not to. Says it all really.
But as a couple we had SO many friends, as he has so many, what with my own as well, I had a full social life before, too much in fact. And then I had my career, and my dreams and my hobbies, so it was all good. Him leaving has left a gaping hole in my life, but thats to be expected after 9 years together.
I'm not yet at the point of being selfish and grabbing a new life, I spent much of the weekend sobbing! I'm going through a grieving process, its been really tough. I dont have any long range goals right now, I cant see further than about 2 weeks ahead. I used to have plenty (own property, become a web developer, study Fine Art, have a family etc) and I'm proud of myself for achieving most of those.
I'm starting C again this week because I feel so low. I'll get there, I know I will, but right now, I have Uranus on my Sun, Saturn squaring my Sun, Pluto directly on my Mars, squaring my Sun...those are major, malefic, hard, not nice, once in a lifetime transits which are making my life hell. I know that, on an intellectual level, but it feels awful. I feel like I am stuck in a vice with someone jabbing me with hot pokers most days!
I'm still debating being honest if I see him this week. The window of opportunity is closing.. hes backed off, hes not phoning me in the evenings anymore (sad, but thats stopped) and he's moving away soon.
I am glad you have C this week. I hope it helps you feel better.
I know we keep saying it, but this whole situation is having too much effect on the rest of your life.
Originally Posted By: AliSuddenly
I'm not yet at the point of being selfish and grabbing a new life, I spent much of the weekend sobbing! I'm going through a grieving process, its been really tough. I dont have any long range goals right now, I cant see further than about 2 weeks ahead.
So get selfish, grab a new life. This does not mean there wouldn't be room for him in it later if he ever pulled his head out of his a$$, kicked his depression, and realized how silly he's been. But don't put stuff on hold anymore! Make some new goals, keep making friends, and keep putting one foot in front of the other.
You are making friends, have some job offers, have your artwork and other stuff. But you are letting this situation hold you down.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Michelle nailed it on that one! Grab a new life! That might or might not involve a different man for the time being, it doesn't have too. But, it needs to involve you, living without him. Keep moving forward. He can still come along, but you don't have to wait for him, and lose yourself!
I'm imagining Ali with wings!!!!! That's awesome!!!
Ok, 2x4 time, done out of love only of course.
Ali, you said he made plenty of excuses for not calling this weekend. You are making plenty of excuses for not getting a new life on your own. STOP! I understand being an introvert. I really am too. It's easier than putting yourself out there for rejection and criticism but I have seen your personality shine through and I know you are an extremely interesting person. You would be so much fun to hang out with and get to know! Believe in yourself Ali and get out there.
You said that you had a very active social life with BF. Where are those friends? Have they abandoned you or do they live up country?
I'm glad you are going to C. You need to pour your feelings out to a professional that can give you some perspective and help you develop a plan. They can also help you to see slightly beyond 2 weeks. I have been on that 2 week plan for a while now but am finding that I need to look further ahead now. I wasn't ready to do that though until just about a week ago.
You'll get through this Ali. We'll all help you however we can. You know you can always come here with your honest feelings and we will not judge you, only try to lift you up.
