I went out last night, stayed out way too late. Some chick started fighting with me. I didn't give her the time of day. I can't even begin to explain it.
Went home and went to sleep.
I called her in the before I left for work. "Do you want me to take our son to your moms." She said, "No."
"Ok, I'm just trying to help. I love you."
"I love you too."
"Goodbye."
Receive a text: "Are you going to pick them up after work." I reply Yes.
Some more texting: "But I ask when are you going to pick them up from our house." She text afterwork.
Then I text. "I'm tired of crying over you."
Because Phil is a stupid F'n idiot. I know I should have just left it at that. Can't.
She is my wife. I'm fighting through hell for her.
Last night with cousin proved the way I would react to her BS. Get the kids all upset. I don't need to justify anything. I didn't need his burdens. I didn't need him there. I told him to go home and work it out with his own wife.
Really I felt like he was more of a watchdog. He wasn't helping. Honestly the fight was over me telling him what to do. I told I didn't want to tell him what to do.
Stress of school. I just need him to help. I told him to dust the dresser in the room he is sleeping because there was an inch of dust on it.
It would have been easier for me to just do it.
I felt like I had five kids in the house. Make that six. The biggest child of them all.
You are not stupid, Phil, you are in pain. There isn't one of us that isn't and hasn't done stupid things. Just let your text be. It isn't bad for your w to imagine you would cry over her. Maybe its a better picture than the angry Phil.
Pray for god to lift your burden. Put it in his hands, Phil.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
Phil, let me first tell you that I did a lot of the same things that you are doing. Believing in my heart that she needed to hear me say those things to her. She needed to know that I wanted her, etc.....
These things hindered my progress and pushed her away from me further. She didn't want to hear how dependant I was on her, she needed me to step up and be strong and I just couldnt.
Why not, because I was scared, afraid that I had lost the best thing in my life, and lonely.
It does not make you stupid Phil, it shows your humanity. However, at some point you have to stop for your own sake.
I sat on the steps prayed, cried, prayed, and cried until I could not take the heat of the sun anymore.
End up in failure. I can't fail.
You know the comment about crying over her could be taken in different ways.
I'm done with you, I'm tired of crying over you. IT.
No really, all I do is cry over you and I'm tired of it.
I'm crying right now. I can't get over you. I can't get over the fact that you would put me through this and you exchange I love you's. I love you's that I initiate, but she still says them back.
I feel like I have a target on me. Everyone is out to get me. People take advantage of me. etc...
That girl at the club, was being mean to me for no reason. Well there might have been a reason. She was wearing a sponge bob nurse shirt, and I was signing it to a friend next to me. The place was packed. She laughed. Then about a 1/2 hour later she was trying to beat me up and stuff. Told me to sit in the corner on the couch. If I got up she would come over and tell me to sit back down. I got up to go to the bathroom and she wouldn't let me go. Then she tried to pick me up. Said she was going to kick my a$$. Everyone was going to laugh because I was going to get beat up by a girl.
I was finally able to escape the club and go home. She excorted me out. It was domineering or something. I just wanted to go home.
Early in the day a resturant owner came in. The same place with the pizza incident. Him and I talked about it days before. Now he just came in and kicked me out. I patronize his business and this is how he treats me. He was putting his finger in my face. I asked to remove is finger, politely. Then he put both of them in my face. I said I'm not one of your employees friend, please do not put your fingers in my face. Then he was throwing me out, and attempted to raise his fist at me. I said I would not do that if I were you my friend.
Really the resturant guy is an a$$. He treats all him employee's like crap. Now he is treating customers like it. I don't need to go there. I just have friends there.
I don't need to go to that club either. I don't need my cousin and his kids living with me.
I think I getting easily taken advantage of because I felt so down, lonely, and out. I just want to help folks.
Phil needs to help Phil.
Amy, Jack, Kelly, Ian... Thank you for walking the valley with me. Well you guys are walking and your trying to drag me. I'm trying to hold on.
We are trying to drag you, Phil. The tears are a good thing. The humility and humanity you show are a good thing. Phil is a living, thinking, feeling man. You are far more than just the angry, ready to scrap with anyone person you project.
Don't know why it is that you seem to have trouble where you go. Not sure about the club thing. Not sure about the pizza guy thing. Really confusing. It seems like you are fighting everywhere.
How about for the rest of the afternoon you make a list of things that are good about Phil. I'll start you off:
Phil loves his wife. Phil loves his children.
Your turn.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
People are trying to antagonize me into a fight and I'm just not going to do it.
On this board people also antagonize me.
Kelly I'm too tired to do a list. I need to go get my kids and go home and relax. Number 1. Phil loves God Number 2. Phil loves his children Number 4. Phil love his wife Number 3. Phil loves his DB friends.
