You know, one of the reasons I hate religious debate on here is because in our posistions it is very difficult to hold true to all of the things that we are supposed to be doing in God's name. It is far to simple to use religion to support our goals and to help us find our way in life. Then we simply can turn it off and forget all that we believe in when it comes to our own actions and behaviors that are not supported by the word.
Do you understand what I mean by this Phil?
People who disagree with you or point out things to you are not satan. They are not the devil trying to get at you. They are simply people who have their own way of expressing themselves and you simply accept it, take what you believe you need out of it, and let the rest go. Everyone on here has certain styles that help them to grow and change, because a certain style doesnt help you, does not make it wrong or evil.
I post to you because I believe you can grow and change to make your marriage work. I also do it because others read your thread. You are an anomily and people read this just to see what will happen next. Those people also learn a lot from the posts that are given to you. People will read Forrest's post and some will learn from it, that is a good thing right? God sends his messages in many different ways Phil, maybe for some he sends them through your thread, who knows.
All I am trying to get through to you is try not to be so judgmental and defensive all the time. People care or they wouldnt be here. People do not post to hurt you. People deserve more respect than you give them sometimes and to be honest with you, it doesnt help your situation any to be reactive. Hell, maybe it's part of the lesson that you need to learn and God is testing your patinece, how would you say you are doing with that test?
Be anxious about nothing and pray about everything. It is what I read on the marquee sign of a fellow protestant church today coming into work. They always seem to have a good message. My favorite one was. Sign broken message inside.
BTW Ian, stop sticking up for people. They can handle themselves.
My patience doesn't need tested. I see the BS in what they are saying and I use the same terminology. Get behind me satan. You are clouding my judgement and the judgement of others and are causing me not to think clearly. Which is a big big problem on this board.
One two many chiefs and not enough little indians.
Oh, I'm going to make this marriage work hell or high water. Last night when she picked up the kids. I told her, I don't know what kind of a mood you are going to be in tomorrow so just have the kids call me before they go to bed. Then I get the BS, you don't want to see your kids tomorrow. Trying to give me the bad dad syndrome. I'm thinking I do not want to deal with you tomorrow.
I also told her that some of her actions that she was foul and disgusting. I said everytime you come to the house you belch as loud as you can. Then when we are walking to the car you spit. You spit on the sidewalk and it is disgusting. I am a man and don't spit as much as you. Stop acting so foul and disgusting. Thinking she reminds me of the pig girl. A venom spewing, burping, farting, spitting, man hater.
I also told her I don't appreciate her walking into the whole house with her shoes on. I said If I would do that at your place you would be flipping out on me. Now your shoes have about ten thousand nasty things on them from the ice cream store. Please do not do it again. When you lived in this house it was a requirement from you to take off your shoes. The requirement hasn't changed since you left. She said she was sorry.
Right I'm telling her what to do. No, I'm just enforcing her rules.
She just smiled at me and says. I know. But I can't hold in the burps, and I'm not going to swallow whatever nasty thing is in my mouth.
She is a teenager. She isn't no lady either.
The bad thing is she got ahead of me as if she was running to the car because she knows I want hug her or kiss her on the cheek, which isn't the case. I want her to come hug me and kiss me. Not chase her. Not validate her for leaving.
I want her to come to me. Make it all go away.
Problem is if she came back now, to many things have happened that caused problems for us. Could we get back together and act like nothing happened. Most likely not. Will she let come of some of the issues she had. Thoughts that I was cheating on her. Bringing back stupid stuff from the past that didn't even happen. Bringing back stuff from the past that did happen that got blown out of proportion. She needs to soften.
Phil sometimes you just need to sit on your hands to avoid the reply button. Ian was telling you that sometimes the advice you're given - although it might not work for you, will work for others who read your thread.
It also can't all be roses. Sometimes you have to hear the negative, or you won't know what you might need to fix.
You need to manage others perceptions. You get plenty of opinions on here, advice, suggestions, and shoot a majority of them down.
Why do you come here?
I think for the most part the interaction with your wife last night was pretty good. Don't try to figure out what she is thinking though. Cheeseless Tunnel! :-)
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
I admit I have lurked your thread and occassionally posted. I imagine there are a variety of reasons for people to do so, some noble, some not so. Regardless, of the reasons I view your thread as a blessing, it has brought several very experienced DBers to a central location to dispense wisdom and compassion into your sitch from which everyone can benefit. In some respects, your "gift of words" has helped create this situation.
I lurk your thread occassionally to see how you are progressing and hope that you are doing well. You seem to be in a lot less pain then you were even a month ago and I am glad to see that.
Hoping that you continue to find peace and improve your R with your W.
Best Wishes
TwinDad Me 39, W 36, M 11 W - MLC, WAW???? 2 Kids B/G 3 YRS Old Start of the Long and Bumpy Road..... On the verge of piecing.....a new beginning
BTW Ian, stop sticking up for people. They can handle themselves
Wasn't defending Phil, was making a point to you that you are obviously to damn stubborn to listen to. Don't pick fights with me, I am one that is on your side. You have a habit of forgetting that. Oh and one more thing, do not tell me what to do, I am a grown man and will do as I please thank you. If you wish something from me to change, try asking.
Back to the subject that really matters. As far as your wife goes good for you sticking to the rules with her. No shoes in the house doesn't change because she is not there. You are spot on holding your ground and letting her know that your home is still your home.
As far as the spitting and burping, very strange. Maybe just ignore it as much as you can. It seems obvious to me she does it for attention, they regress so damn much.
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Could we get back together and act like nothing happened.
Now Phil, you will never ever be able to act like nothing happened, and to be honest, you don't want to. This whole adventure is part of yoru marriage growing. When she comes back, you will have to deal with all that has happened.
I hate religious debate on here is because in our posistions it is very difficult to hold true to all of the things that we are supposed to be doing in God's name.
Now I'm not saying what I'm about to convey holds true to the Jewish community but it does against the Christian community. When you believe in the One, Holy, Apostolic church and what it teaches then that burden is lifted from you. You know the teaching. You accept the teaching. Other than that you become your own authority. People who say they are Catholic make up their own rules all the time. That doesn't make it right.
Modern persons trying to accept rules and regulations. Then they will just say, hmmm that rule doesn't apply to me. "It was for liberty that Christ freed us." GAL 5,1
We sometimes have a confused human condition. A fundamental rule of the Catholic church is no abortion. However go around and ask a Catholic about certain things pertaining to why they think an abortion is ok. Rape, incest, deformity in the womb, etc... Well it isn't ok.
Notice the language is for liberty. "representing freedom." A privilege of freedom that freed us.
Another fundamental rule in the Catholic church is no divorce, but folks will go around and justify thier position. The Church has also become a little too liberal in this area.
Doesn't help when you gave a few bad priest going around causing havoc.
There are also some priest that are married. They converted from a protestant denomination and brought their flock. They were married so they remain married in the Latin rite. What if that priest one day decided he didn't want to be married anymore?
It is our selfish behaviors that we succumb too. ME, ME, ME.
I am a grown man and will do as I please thank you.
***** Sounds of screatching cats *****
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If you wish something from me to change, try asking.
Talk to me than, Ian.
I also do believe that we could have solved these problems without her leaving. It would have also lifted the burden off from things I am going to have problems with in the future.
How could I ever trust someone again? Why would I want too?
Yes, I miss her. I still feel connected to her. She is me, I am her. I do feel as if we are one. I can of felt that way the first time we met.
I yelled at her in a dark alley. I was living in my own apartment. She was hanging out with a girl she went to school with. They would come up to my place because the other girl wanted to have a beer. I was 21, two hot 18 year old girls. We were standing outside my apartment. I always told the other girl if the kitchen light is on and the truck is here. That means I have an open door policy, just knock once and come in. Standing at the screen door. They were talking to me. My future wife ask if she can throw her gum out. I was thinking. You are outside in a dark alley. "THE GARBAGE IS IN THERE.", pointing behind me.
Now did she just want to be neeby and come in my apartment? Who knows. Shortly after that we started dating. Within a month if felt like we were together for years.
Well it was a dark alley because the street light was out. When people ask me where I met my wife. I said a damn dark alley.
DBing is a love story. Mine just happens to include pirates, the devil, owls, and no rum.
