Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Yup, I think they were. It all seems to have gone off the boil when I said yes to him selling. I think maybe it was more about control for him and, not picking a fight exactly, I don't know how to describe it. I think me being co-operative took him back a bit. Ithink the true reason though is that he is that he is so busy at the moment he just can't think about it and it will rear it's head in a few weeks when he is less so. Not really fair on me...
I think I am just going to keep quiet on it for now. My priority is getting this bank thing sorted. I think the best thing would be for me to back off a bit now. So long as his money goes in tomorrow we should be ok for a few weeks. If I push things now he will respond badly I think. It just means I have to try not to stress in the meantime. You know that is hard for me not to do though.
I just want to bang my head on the desk though because it is such an easy thing to fix!
yes- good plan ((((julia)))) you addressed it and he said it will be done. his way. he is in control. you just get to do what you need to make you happy...its so hard- i know.... what can you do to make you happy , GAL, etc?
Pisces M 31 H 32 M 7 yrs S 5/10 Beginning Contact! Vibes Hot Tub Cheese
I think that for now, let's just assume it was a communication mess-up, and just get things sorted out. But watch out later for a pattern, I'm wondering if he is trying to push your buttons a bit.
On a completely different topic, being such a youngster, and not a cooking one, have you separated eggs before?
Ok, here are some thoughts. Im speaking from my own experience; it may or may not apply to our H. Hopefully it will help though. Feel free to ask any questions.
As I said early I was diagnosed when I was 14. I spent high school in an out of a hospital. I have had surgeries, new treatments, and picc lines (special IVs that are used to give you nutrients and calories. You can even go home with them in. I graduated from HS with one on strapped to my back.). I haven't needed an ostomy but it could happen in the future.
Something that I have been pondering regarding my sitch: The traumatic experience of losing a spouse, being rejected and abandoned is totally different than the traumatic experience of having a chronic, and during a critical time period, potentially life threatening illness. I would have thought they would have been similar; a tough time is a tough time right? But the growth and pain that I experienced/ am experiencing through these situations is very different.
For me I think one of the biggest changes due to my illness was a drastic shift in perspective. Your H and I are/were pretty young. People our age usually are not confronted with mortality so, um, rudely. I faced an existential crisis. The illusions that we often carry with us; I don't have to think about death and I am in control of my life and (whats even more disorienting) my body, were stripped away quickly. After a bit of time, I saw my priorities begin to get shuffled around. Now, I was a teenager so my priority list is probably different than you Hs. But, I think all of my little changes in perspective totaled one grand one: life is not a performance. Things got REAL for me. I saw the social dance that takes place all around us as ridiculous. I was able to be more genuine with myself and shed just a bit the need for others to approve. This work wasn't finish then and clearly is still happening for me now, through my current sitch, but it began here. I saw much of life as a game, an arbitrary set of rules, that when all was said and done didn't really matter b/c for me all was about to be said and done. To be clear, this does not mean that I did not care about anyone else and ran around running stop lights and stealing cars because all of the sudden nothing mattered. Mainly, it had to do with our social decorum: you SHOULD dress like this, you SHOULD only say these things in public, you SHUOLDNT mention these things, you SHOULD think like this, and on and on. Life was too short and I was too sick to perform. Who has the time for this and why would you do it? Performing keeps us from being intimate with one another, it keeps us from seeing each other, it is a facade that protects us from our own insecurities. My illness shattered that facade when it hurled me 7 decades into the future and sat me down directly across from my mortality; my grave. From then on a lot of superficially things fade away and I am left with wanting to please myself, to truly find joy while I'm here and I want those who are around me to be joyful as well. Because this isn't a game, there's no time to waste, there are some things that deserve our attention and worry but most do not, relax and smile dammit.
My Story: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1512790&page=1#Post1512790
I also struggled (and still do) with self-definition, ironically. Im sure you know, that this illness is ugly and humiliating. I wanted it to be gone, I wanted desperately to be normal. Yet, this illness had spurred much growth in me; it was part of me and my story; if you want to know me you have to know IT. Talk about a conflict. I'm still not done working this out. I do not want to forget about it but I cannot fully embrace it. How can I integrate this piece of me that I didn't ask for into my identity without being defined by it? I've gone through stages where everyone around me knows about it, to no one knowing about. Who do I tell, why do I tell, are questions that I'm constantly asking myself. It is a question of identity that I am still working on. My illness like I said has given me a lot of positives in certain areas but it has also wrecked me in others. It has limited me physically and I am just now learning through me current sitch the depth of those insecurities; my inability to do certain activities or sports (I never had the opportunity or the energy), my physical appearance (I on the thin side), the amount I use the restroom, these all have a profound effect on me and my confidence, self-esteem, or whatever you want to call it. Through my illness and now this sitch I am continually challenged with the questions do to like myself, am I good enough (enough is a killer of a word), and if I don't or am not how can other people like me or see me as good. And these are tough questions to face, so tough in fact that a person might run from them.
You had said that you don't think that what you H is doing doesn't have much to do with his illness and that is probably half right. It certainly has to do with more than his illness but for me my illness never left my head. My wife would ask me to clean dishes and my first thought would be no, no, you don't understand I have Crohn's. And in my mind that thought didn't stem from the fact that I was weak and shouldn't have to do anything. My thought process was: I have different priorities than you, I don't care if there are some dirty dishes, I'd much rather spend my time with something that I enjoy and quite frankly I don't think that's selfish, I want you to spend less time on the dishes too, do something you enjoy, there will be enough time for dishes. And this happens all the time with most things; my perspective was shaped by my illness, so indirectly, my illness has a lot to do with everything. But take heart, I've grown more since then. My thought process would be very different now but at the time it seemed completely sane and responsible. But it took time and another crisis for me to gain an even newer perspective.
Another thing that happened to me was I became an expert at intellectualizing. This can be great at times but as far as being intimate and fostering connection with others it isn't that great of a tool. Realize that this is the way that my mind shielded me from what would have been an onslaught of paralyzing emotions at the time. It has taken much time and much self-reflection to start breaking that down and feel again.
Whew...so there are some thoughts to start. Again feel free to ask questions if you have them.
B
My Story: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1512790&page=1#Post1512790
I think that for now, let's just assume it was a communication mess-up, and just get things sorted out. But watch out later for a pattern, I'm wondering if he is trying to push your buttons a bit.
On a completely different topic, being such a youngster, and not a cooking one, have you separated eggs before?
Jeff, are you asking how to separate eggs? It's easy. Crack the egg and with your right hand break it open into your left hand which is over a bowl to catch the egg whites. Do this gently so you don't break the yolk. Let the egg whites flow through your fingers and into the bowl and then you put the yolk into another bowl. Of course, there are separators that due the same thing and they cost about 2 bucks at the store.
((JCJ)) As a couple others have said, you handled this sitch smashingly. Now, feel free to come here and vent
Dan, I was asking Julia if she's done it! She been trying to do some baking without a lot of success, and I posted her a link to a recipe this week. Then I realized that was an "easy" step that could be a challenge if you haven't done it before!
I've been doing it since I was in elementary school and would come home from school and make tapioca pudding!
