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Joined: Jun 2008
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Kelly23 Offline OP
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Posts: 277
Hello. I have been posting on the newcomers site. I tried to post my link below, not sure if it will work. I need some advice, help, understanding. Long story short, married 17 years, things went bad in the last 5, no attention, begging him to go to counseling, him always saying there were no problems, OW appeared last year, caught him 12/28/08, been h$ll every day since.

We talked/argued/fought/cried for 2 hours last night. I have gotten so emotionally detached, trying to protect myself from any more pain, that I really want him to leave. I cannot take being in the same house with him thinking about him being with another women when I was begging him for help in our marriage. I do not know how to get over the hurt.

Question: I am so paranoid and upset. I think about how everyone at his work knows, looks at me with pity, thinks I am a bad wife, etc. I cannot get these thoughts out of my mind! It is driving me crazy. How do I stop thinking about the whole town knowing my horrible life?


Not sure if this link will work:

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1500930&page=1#Post1500930


M:38
H:42
T:20 M:19
D:18 S:17
MLC: Sometime in 2007
OW Bomb 1: 12/28/07
OW Online relationship 2: Spring 2009
Told him I wanted D: May 10, 2009
D final: 07/09/11
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 1,961
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Posts: 1,961
Is he still seeing OW?

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Kelly23 Offline OP
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He is not 'seeing' her but they work together, same shift. He is remorseful, says it was a mistake, etc. I am angry that I was not happy and tried to get us help and he ignored that anything was wrong, told me I should understand that is how things get and then turned around and went after her.
I compare it to a wreck I had when I was 16. There was a guy behind me in traffic, the light changed so I stopped, he hit his brakes, brake line broke and he hit me full force. That was 19 years ago and to this day, when I hit my brakes, I always look in my rear view mirror. In 19 years, am I still going to be looking for signs that he is cheating?


M:38
H:42
T:20 M:19
D:18 S:17
MLC: Sometime in 2007
OW Bomb 1: 12/28/07
OW Online relationship 2: Spring 2009
Told him I wanted D: May 10, 2009
D final: 07/09/11
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 277
K
Kelly23 Offline OP
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 277
Also, our anniversary is in August and he wants us to take the weekend and get away. I do not want to celebrate our marriage vows. They meant nothing to him. That part of my life is dead now.


M:38
H:42
T:20 M:19
D:18 S:17
MLC: Sometime in 2007
OW Bomb 1: 12/28/07
OW Online relationship 2: Spring 2009
Told him I wanted D: May 10, 2009
D final: 07/09/11
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 748
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Posts: 748
Hey Kelly, just noticed your post, there are a lot of good people here that will try to help.

Quote:
Kelly: I have gotten so emotionally detached, trying to protect myself from any more pain, that I really want him to leave. I cannot take being in the same house with him thinking about him being with another women when I was begging him for help in our marriage. I do not know how to get over the hurt.
I was/am there, thought of my W and OM were driving me crazy, and they still do to an extent, but it does get better. I keep busy with the kids housework, etc and that helps keep my mind off of W and OM. I cannot even look at my wife, it makes me sick, but my W would not give up OM and was unwilling to work on our relationship so I really didn't have any choice.

Friends help also, being able to get away from everything for awhile with a friend helps, I know its hard, I know you hurt. I'll try to keep an eye on your post, there are so many people here in every stage from Seperation, Divorce, to Reconciliation.

I wish I could give you some words of wisdom, or something to make the pain go away, unfortunately, you will have to work through this, we all do, we all have felt the pain, we have to keep moving forward with our lives.

I'm sorry you are here, but I know you will find some comfort from the people here.


M45
W41
M10 3/4 years
D9, D6, D6, S5
OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me
WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08
Date I'll forgive W for A = never

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Posts: 277
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Kelly23 Offline OP
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Hi Jeff, I see we got the same Christmas present last year. Sucks! This has been the worst year of my entire life and I hate getting out of bed every day. I just want to scream most days, others I want to pack my bags and tell him I am taking a year sabbatical away from his bull$h1t, good luck trying to keep up with everything I have done for you for 18 years! I cannot believe how much I worked and did for our household, for him, and this is what I get in return.
I am tired of trying to tell him what I need, tired of forgiving him when he does not do it, tired of worrying every night when he is at work with her. I am at the point that I really want to go have a three day drunk and drown my troubles. Sitting around here crying is not getting me anywhere.


M:38
H:42
T:20 M:19
D:18 S:17
MLC: Sometime in 2007
OW Bomb 1: 12/28/07
OW Online relationship 2: Spring 2009
Told him I wanted D: May 10, 2009
D final: 07/09/11
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 748
J
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J
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 748
Quote:
kelly: I am tired of trying to tell him what I need, tired of forgiving him when he does not do it, tired of worrying every night when he is at work with her. I am at the point that I really want to go have a three day drunk and drown my troubles. Sitting around here crying is not getting me anywhere.
I hated the worring part, my W works at a bar and would be out to 2am or later if she met up with friends/OM while I sat home with the kids worring, I tried to sleep, but usually couldn't.

A three day drunk sounds good to me, a float trip on some river, swimming, drinking and just floating down the river, no cars, computers, phones, nothing but a pretty girl (guy for you) a cooler full of beer and food.

M45
W41
M10 3/4 years
D9, D6, D6, S5
OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me
WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08
Date I'll forgive W for A = never

Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 277
K
Kelly23 Offline OP
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K
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 277
Argh!!! Did not sleep last night because we were fighting, can't sleep tonight worrying about him and her at work together. I hate this!!!!!
I am in Tennessee and am thinking of getting a hotel in Nashville and going there with my best girlfriend and partying the weekend away! And also shopping for shoes, one of my weaknesses. I just want to escape my miserable life. Maybe my mom will watch the kids for me.


M:38
H:42
T:20 M:19
D:18 S:17
MLC: Sometime in 2007
OW Bomb 1: 12/28/07
OW Online relationship 2: Spring 2009
Told him I wanted D: May 10, 2009
D final: 07/09/11
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 472
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 472
Kelly, you and I sound very similar. My H left 9 months ago not from an affair but just found out about OW myself. Confronted him and he told me he has known her 6 weeks approx. After being with me for 25 yrs and having 2 kids then leaving for his father's house stating he is divorcing me he meets OW and now OW is there every night. I am upset with my children around, they have enough going around but H says he has only introduced her as a friend and doesn't do anything inappropriate-well unless they catch looks between us he says. 6 weeks! Did he not learn anything from us???? Clearly not. It pains me more than I can even admit. I haven't slept or eaten. I told him I will not pick up the kids if she is there, I will wait at the corner. Do I need it in my face every night so I am hysterical for hours afterwords?

I wish I had an answer for you, but I think we all just have to be miserable to not be. I think time is the only healer personally and it takes too much time. If we just hated them we wouldn't have these problems. At least yours is still speaking to you. I get treated like a lower speciies, not even a hello at times. I finally told him to stop avoiding me and we had a 1/2 cell conversation where I confronted him and told him we must talk face to face. Though it must be difficult seeing him in person every day if he is still at home. Housework is always a good distraction, and there is always plenty of it. My house was never cleaner than when he left in 05.

Best wishes.


Me 43 H 44 S-13 D-9
Separated 90 days 6/28/05
H Says he is done-10/2/06-day after 18th anniv
Moved out 10/2/07-to father's house-day after 19th wedding anniv-GF now
H Filed for D 7/08

Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 277
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Kelly23 Offline OP
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I just never thought the man I married, cherished and respected would ever do this. Mine is talking to me and he wants to make it work but I am not so sure anymore.
Funny, I used to be so picky about the house being clean at all times and right now it looks like a disaster. Having a clean house is just not important to me anymore.

Do you really believe him when he says he has only known her for 6 weeks?


M:38
H:42
T:20 M:19
D:18 S:17
MLC: Sometime in 2007
OW Bomb 1: 12/28/07
OW Online relationship 2: Spring 2009
Told him I wanted D: May 10, 2009
D final: 07/09/11
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