I Got the Ambition (14)

[gForce]

Well, W called me yesterday evening. I didn't post about it last night because I wanted to sleep on it. But she is pretty messed up. After some chit chat, she made the comment about how I seemed really excited about moving. I said I think the job is a good one, and the area nice, but I wasn't particularly excited about the events that got me there. That devolved into R-talk which got her pretty tearful (again). Bottom line is despite her confusion about her feelings, she just doesn't think our issues are fixable (regardless of the fact we have made no real concerted effort to address them).

She even asked "what if I said I wanted to work on things?". To which I responded "are you asking me, or just saying 'what if'?" Oh no, just "what if". I said, if she ever felt that way it would depend on where we were at the time, and not just geographically.

This is not another potential last minute change of heart. It is just confusion and remorse. I still feel really bad for her but she is where she is by choice. I'm still looking forward.

[gForce]

I wanted to add that I think we may not see their ramifications. Sometimes, we just can't be privy to how things have affected people or that they show us directly what we think they should.
It just doesn't always play out that way.

Well, only to an extent. I mean how much insight does it take to realize that having an affair and leaving your husband might result in your husband no longer being a part of your life? Or that shacking up with a man who pursues a married woman and disrupts her marriage is not necessarily the best candidate for a long term committed relationship?

[lodo]

Bottom line is despite her confusion about her feelings, she just doesn't think our issues are fixable (regardless of the fact we have made no real concerted effort to address them).

She even asked "what if I said I wanted to work on things?".

Hey g,

as usual your W sounds like mine. When I went through this before, W said after we were back together that she'd been so stubborn in trying to convince herself of one reality that she couldn't let herself see any other, even when it was obvious that she was choosing the wrong direction. Moreover, she had been hurt by something I said and clung to that, refusing to allow me to argue or show her any other opinions. She pigeon-holed me in order to justify her own actions because she knew she was wrong.

After that incident, I never really questioned what had happened. Now I know that this is who W is and she'll keep repeating the pattern until she's willing to address the underlying issues.

So don't know if that helps, but ...

I think they ask if we'd be willing to work on things because they still haven't committed to their poor decisions, probably because they know they're being stubborn and perhaps making a big mistake. They want us strung along in order to not have to admit to themselves what they're doing.

IMO. lodo

[Trip]

I was talking about the ramifications, not realizations.

I was slow as a sloth to realize my husband had been cheating the whole marriage and beyond. As for what came of that and what will, I just may never be seeing it. Really, it just doesn't matter to me because that is his cross to bear, so to speak. I can only deal and handle my side of things. I do not really know if he knows all the damage he has done. He has told me so but what does that do for me anyhow.

[fig]

well

LSS has no remorse (insert eye roll...he is such a douche bag)

but then again

he is working at McDonalds and living in the ghetto...like put your mattress on the floor so you can hopefully miss the gunfire ghetto

and

my life is rootbeer and ice cream

well...not always but I can usually justify it in my budget!!!

and

looking back on the girl I was when I was with him is painful to me....I was so lost and begging for any little crumb of anything.

He has asked to come back
no way

I had a lesson to learn and it was hard and I learned it (please please please please)

I used to look on him with a mixture of sadness and pity. I felt badly for him...his life is a mess....he keeps making the same mistakes...he felt bad

now

I am just glad he won't have my new address

those are his ramifications
he will never really have any realizations because that would mean looking at himself and he is incapable of that

[sofaraway]

She even asked "what if I said I wanted to work on things?". To which I responded "are you asking me, or just saying 'what if'?" Oh no, just "what if". I said, if she ever felt that way it would depend on where we were at the time, and not just geographically

Morning G, expect to see more of this as the move date inches closer........ Do not give it too much thought, just understand that your moving away does create conflict for her mind.


Ian

[gForce]

I was talking about the ramifications, not realizations.

I was slow as a sloth to realize my husband had been cheating the whole marriage and beyond. As for what came of that and what will, I just may never be seeing it. Really, it just doesn't matter to me because that is his cross to bear, so to speak. I can only deal and handle my side of things. I do not really know if he knows all the damage he has done. He has told me so but what does that do for me anyhow.

Can you explain what you mean? I don't think I understand the difference between ramification and realization in the way that you intended.

[ernest88]

She even asked "what if I said I wanted to work on things?". To which I responded "are you asking me, or just saying 'what if'?" Oh no, just "what if". I said, if she ever felt that way it would depend on where we were at the time, and not just geographically.

wow G-she must be thinking 3rd times a charm..

I'm still looking forward.

Onward and upward..

[girlfromipanema]

Whatever transpires over the next week, please keep in mind how wonderful you are as a human being; a man of great intelligence, integrity, humor and wisdom. Don't forget how much you have to offer to a future relationship (whether it's W or some other lucky girl), how much you've grown through this experience, and that life is an adventure, and sometimes the greatest risk yields the greatest rewards.

You da man, g.

[gForce]

Morning G, expect to see more of this as the move date inches closer........ Do not give it too much thought, just understand that your moving away does create conflict for her mind.
Ian

Oh yea. Count on it.
I agree this is simply an emotional response to the upcoming "event(s)".