You are truly blessed you were not the poor sap who married either of these women.... Both have serious character issues....
Boy Dodo,
Isn't that the truth. Hopefully that's where finding this sight and figuring out what happened and what our needs are has really helped. Of course having others who have been there to talk to and point the way has helped as well. Judging from the mess I was when I first got here, I very well could have made some major mistakes, but then I guess we all could say the same.
Well, another day and no word from Plant Lady...how shocking (he writes sarcastically) . If she doesn't want to face me she has my cell number and could easily kiss my ass goodbye that way. It really does annoy me when people choose the avoidance method as a first line of defence to deal with others. Part of me wants to go to her office next week and just say "you know, I have no problem with you choosing not to go to the church service with me but I do have a problem with being disrespected. By not letting me know, one way or the other, I felt disrespected. I hope you will treat others better in the future" I really hate just letting things go and pretending that it didn't matter and then leaving that person with the impression that throwing lines at people and brushing them off is an easy and effective approach to dealing with others. It's not, it's hurtful and largely unnecessary. By confronting the issue I may be saving some other guy from the "I need to think about it" syndrome, some guy who needs saving even more than I do! I know it is hard for a woman to say NO but it's also damn hard for a man to ask in the first place! I'm thinking this singles scene is not a real good fit for Whatis and his "doing what is right" mentality! Oh well, I've now vented and will move on bigger and better things...like Tacos, that's something that you can really depend on to deliver. When you say "no hot sauce" you get no hot sauce, when you're done you belch and it's all over. Tacos are the way to go! Hey, what if she actually does approach me later in the week? How would I ever be able to face you guys again? Oh yeah, I don't face you, I write to you...there's a big difference OK, that's the last you'll hear of this little episode in my life. I'm done. Tacos anyone?
No tacos. I'll just take the hot sauce. Just one minor critique. I'm not sure "avoidance" can automatically be translated as "disrespect". Disrespect to me is thoughtful and with a purpose, to put it in your face. Sometimes people go underground, because coming right out and saying "no" or coming up with some other explanation/excuse is the easier (not the right, but easier) path to take. How many men or women have the type of integrity or testicular/ovarian fortitude to say "No thanks". Also, PL may not want to hurt your feelings. Who the f*ck knows? My scheckel for this evening.
Excellent point on the disrespect, FLTC. There is certainly no malicious intent here at all, it's just a simple case of avoiding discomfort which in the long run always leads to a more drawn out discomfort than what would have occured if one had of just dealt with the situation! I do have to disagree on the point "PL may not want to hurt your feelings". That reason often gets used as an excuse for not following through by people, but in reality, I think avoiding someone or the situation hurts the other persons feelings just as much or even more and everyone involved knows it. IMHO, I think the person needing to say the "no thanks" is thinking more about his or her own discomfort rather than yours when they fail to follow through. But as you so elegantly wrote, who the f*ck knows? But people are people and we all have our own little trips and bugaboos to deal with, no one is perfect in this life and that certainly includes me! Thanks for your thoughts, FLTC they are helpful!
And from those two experiences at a reasonably young age I was pretty "gun shy" as the expression goes in getting into a serious relationship for a long time. Knew both my xs for a long time before ever doing the M thing. As it turned out, that didn't work either. I almost think extremely short period of dating followed by M might work just as well, or not. Probably the sames odds. But I won't be trying M again anyway. Got any good tequila & a lime to go with them chips?
Probably true, GB! My sister met her H and dated for a few days, then lived with him right after and then married. So far, they have been married for 19 years. Something that the odds weren't supposed to be in favour of. So who really knows.
My W and I dated about six months before getting married and it lasted 17 years, it lasted longer than anyone probably would have guessed at the beginning! Something went horribly wrong somewhere, didn't it?
But yeah, I think there is no tried and true when it comes to marriage. I think we do our best and sometimes not but there is so much tied into it the equations are too numerous.
Oh well, I've now vented and will move on bigger and better things...like Tacos, that's something that you can really depend on to deliver. When you say "no hot sauce" you get no hot sauce, when you're done you belch and it's all over. Tacos are the way to go!