Thanks True! Yes, I imagine that some of us will remain for a long time...
My family is so concerned that I will pine away for LL forever and 'waste' my life on that...seems as if they don't understand.
At any rate, we are the ones who decide whether to stand or not. I love that they love me...but it is hard sometimes...
I have been reading some spritual books as well as re-reading my DB books and they have been helping me channel my anger. I know that I cannot stop LL from filing if he feels he needs to do it. BUt I have decided that HE will have to be the one to do it. I have never wanted a D so I am not going to file for one...
So we'll keep each other company, k?
Hugs, Valentine
Aug '06: H moved out July '08: H had a kid with the OW May 12 '09: emancipation day
"Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." -Ferris Bueller
I am right here with ya. I have been here for 4 years and I am not about to leave now.
Glad you are healing and getting around again.
Everything happens for a reason, maybe Dad needs to find that it isn't better out there, he needs to realize how good he had it here. Maybe he will find God and that is the most important thing when he finds Him he will know he is supposed to come home.
I have been feeling so frustrated lately, like my H will NEVER return. He hasn't moved any closer to returning to us at all in the 3+ years he has been gone.
A little about me:
My husband and I have been separated since March 7, 2005. He is 47 and I am 45. Our D is 16 and our S is 12. We have been together almost 20 years. He has been with the ow since the end of 2004. She is 19 years younger than him. Can you say "typical MLC?" They work together and she totally chased him.
He has never introduced "her" to our kids (he says it's because I won't let him). But I think that if she REALLY were "all that" he would want to introduce her to our kids. He spends his days off with our son, so he can't be spending a whole lot of time with her. Perhaps that is part of the reason this has lasted so long.
He brings our son to 12:00 Mass and sits with our daughter and I (although he typically he turns his eyes away from me at the "Sign of Peace). Our daughter will not have much to do with him (although I continue to encourage to send some time with him). She found out about his affair shortly after he left because the gf called my husband constantly.
I am at the point where I think maybe I should file for divorce (I mean change the papers from a legal separation to a divorce). He filed for a legal separation shortly after moving out.
This started about six months after my husband's father dropped dead of a heart attack. My husband was not only grieving the loss of his father, but grieving for lost time he can never get back. His parents were teenagers when they got married, and both his mother and father have had three divorces a piece, whereas my parents were married 45 years before my Dad passed away. So, my husband never spent much time with his Dad. It hit him really hard when his Dad died.
Also, our marriage was vulnerable. Our son has had two major reconstructive open heart surgeries; the first when he was 15 days old. Between, work and taking care of our kids (my husband and I had been working different hours to care for our children), we, I hate to tell you, ended up going several years without sex. I know how terrible that is, and I'll never let that happen again.
Do I keep waiting, hoping and praying? I wish I knew what God wanted me to do.
Today, I'm just having one of those days when I am really feeling fed up. Thanks, ladies, I didn't mean to hijack your thread.
have been depressed today...don't really know why...no real reason...maybe it is the surgery maybe---well who knows...
I think the surgery probably is to blame. I know that I had worse problems with depression after I had the same kind of surgery. But it went away soon enough.
Everything happens for a reason, maybe Dad needs to find that it isn't better out there, he needs to realize how good he had it here. Maybe he will find God and that is the most important thing when he finds Him he will know he is supposed to come home.
First of all, do you have a current thread? It would be great for you to start one so you can get input from everyone on the board!
Secondly, I think you should file if you think it is a last resort. Do you think it is? Honey, I know how you feel...my H has not moved closer to returning either and has recently broached the Divorce subject. I am pretty certain he has someone else---don't think it is the original OW and I don't know which one this is--and dodn't care either. He has moved FAR, FAR AWAY from me now...doesn't even talk to me anymore...just sends e-mails and always about the bills only. He has never talked about our R or how to fix it or anything.
Do you really want a divorce? Only you can answer that question. Would divorce bring YOU peace? If you have to ask, then I don't think it is time for you...because I have heard that when you get there you 'know'. It is so crystal clear apparently...
Honey, wish I could tell you something more...but I am in the same boat as you are...and I don't want to file. I want HIM to file. I have made my decision about that.
As for the R b/w your H and your D16...well, that is tough...I don't have kids so I am no expert there...but you need to make sure that your daughter's feelings are validated as well. She has been hurt as well. Have you read up on any books regarding this type of situation?
Just ask God to show you the way...and soon you will find your answer...
Keep in touch!
Hugs, Valentine
Aug '06: H moved out July '08: H had a kid with the OW May 12 '09: emancipation day
"Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." -Ferris Bueller
Oh you silly Princess. You will never get over this?
Listen to me, you are one of the best peeps I know. Always giving, always caring. I get home sometimes and the mail is the same old, same old and there is a card from Vali. You are like Christmas in June.
Do you really think, with how wonderful you are, that you will feel like this forever?
Oh mami please. Your Faith in God. That is something that no one can take away from you , not even LL and his fandango.
You are the prize baby girl. You have taken ownership of what you have needed to, and you try each and every day to make yourself better.
You have been thru an ordeal, that I can't even imagine.
And you still grace everyone with your beauty.
As Always 14 told me today. "No one is worth dimming our shine.
That is the best lesson of all. So we can just shine brighter. "
YAY, b/c i just bought the cutest sunglasses on sale! luv you
Live Simply Love Generously Care Deeply Speak Kindly Leave the rest to God
I love you Lissie! Thank you for cheering me up! I am feeling so down...don't know if it the hormones or not...
thank you for believing in me and saying nice things about me...seems like we just get beat down by all this and right now is not such a great time for me...
I feel like a whale and look it too...and cannot sleep and am hot all the time...
Send a pic of the sunglasses!!
Aug '06: H moved out July '08: H had a kid with the OW May 12 '09: emancipation day
"Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." -Ferris Bueller
