Hi, I'm new to the forum.

[The Wifey]

Reached a point of acceptance on Wednesday night 6/25/08 after two melt-downs. I don't want to hurt like this any more.

I am working on me and going dark. Sent H final email on Thursday to apologize and take responsibility for what I've done to contribute to how unhappy he is. Told him I don't expect him to respond. That is it for now.

C had me make a list of 10 things to do before I give into the urge to call, text or email him.

This is uncharted territory for me. I go to get my hair done tonight. Massage scheduled for in the am. Some time this weekend I will see H because he wants to work around the house and we are also supposed to go to his mothers at some point to do cake and ice cream for his b-day that was on Tuesday.

Even if I have to fake it I have to show my acceptance and try to keep things light. If he initiates a conversation I will listen more than talk.

Baby steps, I know, but I'm new to this hell.

[One Day]

This is uncharted territory for me. I go to get my hair done tonight. Massage scheduled for in the am.

That's a great GAL starting point, Wifey- I like it!!

Some time this weekend I will see H because he wants to work around the house and we are also supposed to go to his mothers at some point to do cake and ice cream for his b-day that was on Tuesday.

Great- so some opportunities to show your DB-super-skills!

Even if I have to fake it I have to show my acceptance and try to keep things light. If he initiates a conversation I will listen more than talk.

Perfect- this sounds like an excellent plan!

Thanks for visiting my thread, Kelly Jo- much appreciated!

Lisa

[Trip]

Hi Wifey! Sorry you are here but glad you are just for the fact of getting some advice and the knowledge that you are not alone.

Don't pursue him, be agreeable, friendly when you see him or talk to him.

You have an opportunity to display some 180's when your H comes by the house. For instance, change how you normally dress, fix your hair and make-up differently. What do you normally do when he does these things? Do something else. Is there something he complained about you not doing? Have it done before he shows up.

Those are some quick things that may get him to notice.

[The Wifey]

((((Trip,One Day)))

Thanks so much for your words of wisdom. I really can use all I can get.

This weekend actually turned out well. He came to the house and said he'd read my emails and had been doing a lot of reflecting. Then he said he would like to ML to me. I'd been open to it, as long as he initiated.

Suffice it to say it was very passionate. I had my hair done nice and the house clean before he came. He told me several time ILY and I always will.

I let him know that I wasn't expecting him to just drop how he felt. I just wanted him to know I loved him. I know I've hurt him in the past and I really didn't want him to think because of the ML that I would value his feelings any less.

This was a 180 because it was just the other day that I cried and begged him to reconsider the separation.

After he mowed the lawn he agreed to take me for a motorcycle ride. (My first with him.) I followed him to his mother's house -because he didn't want to ride on our gravel/dirt road - and we went for almost an hour. It was great and I had a big grin the whole time. I told him later I felt like the luckiest woman in the world.

The time with his parents was nice. We had pizza, then angel food cake and ice cream. S19 even managed to show up even though he had to be persuaded. Afterwards he took off on the bike and I went to a grad party for a bit.

He got soaked in the rain on the way home. After he cleaned up he went to the movies.

He came back later and spent the night! I was just friendly and loving. We cuddled on the couch while he watched a movie until bedtime. He said what a great weekend it had been and wished all of our times together could be like that.

Sleeping with him next to me was so very precious! This morning I said ILY; have a nice week. No begging, no expectations. And I felt ok about that. I even surprised myself.

BTW -I talked with the C about the ML. She asked if I felt bad afterward and I said I never do. It is more than sex, it is how I show and receive love. Then she said there is nothing wrong with keeping that connection so long as I feel ok after.

All in all a good weekend of doing more of what works and less of what doesn't. We avoided heavy R talk most weekend, except H brought up that our having had separate checking accounts for so many years was odd and felt it was a trust thing. I told him that I trust him completely and when he tells me its the right time that we would have a joint account.

I feel good how things went.

[sgctxok]

Sweetie I got your notification. It's going to be ok.
Just hang in there, the things that are good are STILL good.

I will check in with you tonight.

[The Wifey]

Thanks. I need help. I feel a real melt-down coming. Even if his friend was just joking around. I've been convinced that there is no OW. Frankly if there were I would just be lost.

[Virtually_Handsome]

((((((((Kelly Jo)))))))

I feel like I've missed something! It sounds like you had a good weekend, and feel good about it. But now there's this post. I'm sorry, I've gotten confused!

[sgctxok]

I think it's likely he was just joking. If there was someone else, I think it would have been the name or something a little more revealing.

[The Wifey]

I'm here rather than calling him. I guess it was the friend joking AND the fact that he met with a lawyer today. I so want to DB and do whatever I have to do. I just keeping dissolving into tears. I want my husband back. I have no idea what planet stole the man I love and left me with this stranger.

[The Wifey]

Jeff,

I kind of feel like you are a friend after reading your posts for just a few days. I'm so down today. I feel like I've hurt him too much for him to come back. Maybe I just don't deserve him. He's such a good person. I half toyed with the idea of telling him to just go for the D and make me the responsible party.

But there is a tiny scrap of myself that wants to fight to get him back. I have been with him since I was 16. I am not me without him. I simply don't want the empty life that I will have if he never comes back. I love him and find it hard to breathe thinking that this is it.

I know. I have to pull myself together or I'll never be attractive enough. This isn't about winning anything either. I love him and want to grow old with him. God, how does anyone just move on?