Yesterday was a good day. I had to go into my new office early in the morning before I went to my current job. I was up before 4am and must have woke my wife up because she called me at work to ask why I went into work so early. I can't remember the last time she called just to talk. Usually its about the kids, the house or something that needs done.
I got home cut the grass, got the kids dinner than went back into my new office to finish up what I started in the morning. Told my D that her mother will be home to her and her brother to swim and I would pick them up because my W plays Texas Hold'em on Wednesday at a resturant with her sister and dad.
She ends up calling me again to ask if I was picking the kids up and started to discuss some of the things that were going on at work. Unfortunatley I had to get this job done so I had to end the called quickly.
After I picked the kids up I read DR for a while then went to bed around 10:30 was tired from being up since 4. W came home around 11:00 and came straight to bed. Unlike her normally after poker she watches tv. She was suprised I was up and we talked for a while then she said I sould get some rest and wished me good night. When I rolled over she snuggled up to me. First time in weeks that has happened.
This morning she was up again and when I got out of the bathroom she commented on the fact that I was all dressed up again. Told her thanks and that I was getting ready for my new job and thats why I have been getting so dressed up lately. Told her to have a good day, she said you too and I left for work.
I am tring to not read to much into this but will take any positive signs I can. I need to remember to play it cool and take it one step at a time.
All good. Let her snuggle. Talk to her and listen. Be her friend. Don't push or pressure. Appreciate the snuggles but don't force the physical stuff from your end.
She is interested in you right now.
Stay the path. No R talks unless she initaites. And then keep your mouth shut and listen. Even if she calls you the worst, most vile names she can, you let it roll off your back and validate her. Validate and empathize. Did you get a small notebook to write specific requests from her down on paper so you can remember them?
You really don't need to forget anything right now..
You need to be patient right now. Very patient. More patient than patient..
Do not do anything that she would percieve as pressure..
You know how you felt when you first met her? You know how you went real slow at first? YOU need to go slow. Slower than slow.
You need to be her friend. She will turn the snuggles into more than snuggles if you will just "be her friend"
Stay the course. You're doing good. I want you to succeed. I'll be here.
I have been keeping a note book with me. Its where I put down my thoughts, the important things she says and if it was a good day or bad. I try and keep track of it all just to try and see if there is progress. Its sometimes hard to see the good when it happens but as I look back I notice the progress.
Slow is what I have been doing. I told her months ago that sex was off the table and that I will not ask her for it because I knew she had no desire to have it and it would make matters worse not better. I want her but I need to control that urge until she is commited to saving our M and wants to have sex with me and not do it because I want it.
Sorry for all that is happening in your sitch. Wish I could help. Wish I had posted earler but sharing my feelings and personal stuff with other people is hard for me and I really didn't think I could add anything to what other people had posted. Thanks for listning to me and trying to help. You seem like a great guy and I know you will pull thru this.
I have been keeping a note book with me. Its where I put down my thoughts, the important things she says and if it was a good day or bad. I try and keep track of it all just to try and see if there is progress. Its sometimes hard to see the good when it happens but as I look back I notice the progress.
Slow is what I have been doing. I told her months ago that sex was off the table and that I will not ask her for it because I knew she had no desire to have it and it would make matters worse not better. I want her but I need to control that urge until she is commited to saving our M and wants to have sex with me and not do it because I want it.
Sorry for all that is happening in your sitch. Wish I could help. Wish I had posted earler but sharing my feelings and personal stuff with other people is hard for me and I really didn't think I could add anything to what other people had posted. Thanks for listning to me and trying to help. You seem like a great guy and I know you will pull thru this.
T
Will I? I'm in a hole right now and can't get out.
Had a nice weekend. Friday was my last day at work before I start my new business adventure on Monday. My dad came in and we transfered his car over to me so I now have a vehicle to drive to work.
I took my dad into my new office to show him around and my W shows up. I was surprised because she was in MD today and I did not expect her back till late. She said she knew I would be here and just wanted to stop by since everyone went home early today.
Saturday we had swim meet with kids and I did yard work. W and I watch tv. I went to bed and read till 11:30 she did not come to bed till really late.
Sunday, went to chuch alone. W has not gone since Mothers Day not sure why. Did more yard work and helped W get ready for her family. Had nice time with inlaws.
W again did not come to bed till midnight. Tryed to snuggle up to her. Why is it she seems so friendly and nice and we get along during the day. We talk I try to listen and ask questions. Say thank you for the little things she does but whenever I get close it is instant ice cube. She just layed there like a log. Didn't move didn't do anything. I feel like I am invading her space. I just thought it would have been a nice ending to a good weekend.
I need to stop doing that. I guess again I need to let her initiate all contact otherwise she is very cold. Its sort of like I want everthing to be nice and peaceful around the house but we are only platonic roomates so keep your distance.
She had noticed I have lost weight and that I am looking good. Also was wondering why I am always dressed nice. Told her I like to be dressed nice and it makes me feel good. Not sure if she thinks I am only looking good all the time to impress her or what but it does make me feel more confident and it is also to impress her.
I just don't know what to do. Everybody says paitence and I do see alot of positive things but still tomorrow it will be one year since the imfamous speach and I just would like a little bit more. How do you win the heart of someone that tells you that her feelings are dead for you. That she feels nothing for you and may never will. I am just frustrated this morning. It was just such a letdown.
I took my dad into my new office to show him around and my W shows up. I was surprised because she was in MD today and I did not expect her back till late. She said she knew I would be here and just wanted to stop by since everyone went home early today.
That's a positive that she stopped by I think. She still cares or she would not stop by.
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W again did not come to bed till midnight. Tryed to snuggle up to her. Why is it she seems so friendly and nice and we get along during the day. We talk I try to listen and ask questions. Say thank you for the little things she does but whenever I get close it is instant ice cube. She just layed there like a log. Didn't move didn't do anything. I feel like I am invading her space. I just thought it would have been a nice ending to a good weekend.
She's not coming to bed until midnight because she does not want to snuggle. She hopes you'll be asleep and won't pressure her like your doing. YOU NEED TO STOP THIS, unless she initiates.
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I need to stop doing that. I guess again I need to let her initiate all contact otherwise she is very cold. Its sort of like I want everthing to be nice and peaceful around the house but we are only platonic roomates so keep your distance.
Yes, yes and more yes..and immediately.
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She had noticed I have lost weight and that I am looking good. Also was wondering why I am always dressed nice. Told her I like to be dressed nice and it makes me feel good. Not sure if she thinks I am only looking good all the time to impress her or what but it does make me feel more confident and it is also to impress her.
OK..here's where it gets a little dicey sometimes. See, I think GAL'ing and losing weight is a good thing but it's a double edged sword. See, you've lost weight, you're taking good care of yourself, you're dressing nice. In her mind she might think you're putting yourself out there to be available to other women. She might suspect you're having an affair. Don't change anything your doing, continue to dress nice and let her know it makes you feel confident if she asks. Tell her you're starting a new business venture and you need to have an air of confidence about you. You also need to show her you're not having an affair by accounting for your time. Be considerate, keep her informed and in the loop.
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I just don't know what to do. Everybody says paitence and I do see alot of positive things but still tomorrow it will be one year since the imfamous speach and I just would like a little bit more. How do you win the heart of someone that tells you that her feelings are dead for you.
Keep doing what you're doing. Don't backslide.
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I am just frustrated this morning.
Hell, we're all frustrated. hang in there. Stop trying to snuggle her..that's pressure. Go to bed and go to sleep..she's still in the same bed with you..That's a good thing. if you have words at all, apologize for your part in it and validate her..
You're doing good man. Keep it up..Just stop the pressure, she will run if you don't.
I am just being impatient right now and I know that is wrong but her feelings for me seem to come and go. I need to just ignore that and continue to do what I have been doing. I do blame most of my GAL's on this new job and I know she has noticed. It makes life much easier and takes the pressure off me to explain all the 180s I have been doing. I feel more confident and like the person I am becoming. I also need to accept the positives when they come and ignore the negatives but also realize that we still have a long way to go. I must tell myself patience, patience and more patience.
As Smart Cookies post says, Her heart is locked in a dusty box and I think every now and again she gets it out to look at but then puts it away. That to me would seem to be the coming and going of her feelings but then again I am just a DAM.
Here is a big question. In two weeks is our wedding anniversary. I bought a card that does not say the word love or have anything mushy in it. Its sort of an anniversary card for acquaintances but its from husband to wife. I was just going to sign my name no love before it or anything. I know the card she will get me will be just as affectionless. She is good at finding them and that has been her MO for the past couple of years.
I was just wondering if this will send the wrong message or will it show her that I am giving her space and hopefully it also wont make her feel guilty for not having feelings for me?
Here is a big question. In two weeks is our wedding anniversary. I bought a card that does not say the word love or have anything mushy in it. Its sort of an anniversary card for acquaintances but its from husband to wife. I was just going to sign my name no love before it or anything. I know the card she will get me will be just as affectionless. She is good at finding them and that has been her MO for the past couple of years.
I was just wondering if this will send the wrong message or will it show her that I am giving her space and hopefully it also wont make her feel guilty for not having feelings for me?
I will give her the card, I was just trying to send the right message. Still want this to work out but no pressure thats all.
Had a good day yesterday. Wife send me a plant for my new office. I called to thank her and we talked for a little bit about nothing. Then last night after she dropped my son off at Scouts she went to the store and stopped at the Cell Phone Kiosk because I have been haveing problems with my reception at home. I have not had time to get there so she took the initative to ask about it for me and picked me up some accessories for my phone.
Will take all this as positive. She always has done things like this for me but now I am really trying to say thank you and making a big deal out of it to show my appreciation.
