Need Anniversary advice from WAW!

[Flipper]

It's our anniversary in two days. W and I are getting along; had a very nice visit the other day. We're in the friendship/hugging stage. I asked her about what to do about the anniversary and she didn't respond. It's very hard. I was thinking about options:

A) Staying dark, running the risk of hurting her.
B) Sending her pictures of me, scantily clad, with circus midgets (sorry..."little people").
C) Sending her a friendship-type card with a Starbucks gift card.
D) Any other suggestions from you WAW's? Love you guys! Thanks.

[EnergyAZ]

Thats a very interesting question. Unfortunately I am the LBS, not the WAS so I cant tell for certain which one you should try.

But I do think option B is doomed. I wouldnt go there at all. Even if its only a joke, I dont think now is the time for such antics.

I think options A & C are the best, but they could easily backfire. She may very well be waiting for you to make the move and if you go dark (wait for her to make the move) she, like you said, may feel hurt by your apparent lack of interest.

And if you do the friendship thing, she may appreciate the gesture, however if she was waiting for you to be more romantic or something, she may still feel somewhat disappointed.

I guess the safest pick would be option C. But I am very interested to hear what a WAW has to say

[AnonymousJane73]

Well... as a WAW... this is tough.

Let me give you my perspective based on my events. I left H on Mother's Day, 5/11 after another nasty conflict. Our anniversary was 5/15. As hurt and upset as I am, I would have loved some sort of communication on my anniversary, but I got none. So, in my mind, my H doesn't want anything to do with me. My own nature, which I didn't apply because, to be honest, I am waiting for him to make the move and prove to me he wants to work on this marriage, btw, would have been to at least send a card. Simple, nothing mushy, but an acknowledgment. A thought process of "I still care." I got none of that... and that hurts like hell. Something that I believe is my H's way of 'getting back at me' emotionally.

My feeling is, she's still talking to you right? You obviously are communicating, right? Then send her an unexpected card of thank you. Keep is SIMPLE and leave it at that. Nothing more, nothing less. It's an acknowledgment.

[Flipper]

Thanks guys. I was just kidding about the midgets, BTW. Hmmm. Yeah, I was kidding.

This is a toughy. We have been getting along and have been enjoying each other's company (as far as I can tell).

Is it wrong to have a huge crush on my WAW?

[AnonymousJane73]

I think it's great, but keep is simple, slow and steady, mate.

[EnergyAZ]

Thanks guys. I was just kidding about the midgets, BTW. Hmmm. Yeah, I was kidding.

This is a toughy. We have been getting along and have been enjoying each other's company (as far as I can tell).

Is it wrong to have a huge crush on my WAW?

I figured the midgets was a joke, but the photos arent out of the question..lol

No, its not wrong to have a huge crush on your WAW

I know I do!

[upside_downer]

Hey flipper...

Just a question about your crush on your WAW:

Do you think it is possible you have this crush because you don't have what you want? I know when I can't have something I want from my W, I want it that much more. I've actually been trying to think of positive ways to want my W to want me more (leaving them wanting more).

You could use that to yours and your R's advantage!!! Leave her wanting more more more, just like she does to you

[TwinDad]

Hey Flipper,

My W and I had our anniversary about a month ago on the eve of our separation (we were selling the house and going separate ways). I made reservations at a nice restaurant. At first she was against it....she said I don't want to go out and celabrate this. I said who said anything about celabrating, i just figured we would go out and enjoy ourselves....have a little break. Of course R talks are completely out (I got a penalty for this). But the dinner turned out pretty nice and we almost went out afterwards as well (she changed her mind and said she was tired). I would make it like a friend date.

Maybe ask her to go see Sex and the City or something like that if she is into it. I don't think I would ignore it at all, especially if you are communicating and enjoying each others company. Just take it slow and if she rejects it then brush it off and just say something like, I just thought it would be fun to go out, im cool either way.

That is what I did and she changed her mind

Best wishes

[Flipper]

Thanks, Twindad and everybody!

You all gave me sound advice; something to think about and use. I guess we are walking on eggshells all the time and, if we're not careful, we can allow it to paralyze us to the point where we do nothing. There definitely IS a delicate balance, but it's in the name of being loving and considerate to the other spouse.

[EnergyAZ]

Not to hijack this thread: But my wife went to see Sex In the City with a girlfriend. And while she enjoyed the movie, its all about relationships ya know, so she couldnt help but think about our sitch

So, to potentially avoid any awkwardness, I suggest people to go on movie dates to something that would have NOTHING to do with relationships. The whole point would be to enjoy the time spent together, last thing anyone wants is thier date to spiral into an emotionally burdonsome talk about the R

That would be easier to avoid if you saw...Indiana Jones (for example)

lol