Need Anniversary advice from WAW!

[TwinDad]

Thanks EnergyAZ!

I wasn't thinking about that part of it, just that we had watched the whole series as a couple. Indiana Jones would be a lot more fun if we could just get the ladies to go see it

[Flipper]

Thanks, guys.

It's a moot point. She turned me down, saying she was working. I just suggested lunch. It hurts, but what do you do. I played it off and ended the call. People say MEN are insensitive when it comes to anniversaries?

It really hurts to go from best friends to this. In the end, we never even had words. She just left and wouldn't open up to me because "it's too painful". Oh, but here are your divorce papers! I'm not bitter!

[EnergyAZ]

I am sorry to hear that. I really hoped she would have accepted.

Like you ask: what do you do? You can either let it get you down and feeling out, or you can decide to 'blow it off' for your own peace of mind and continue DBing the next time you see her.

(typically I allow some time for myself to mope a little..ya know, get it out of my system so I dont wind up bottling it up. But then I get back up and begin moving forward)

Who knows, maybe if she accepted..anything..for the anniversary she felt she might be sending you 'the wrong message'

God knows my wife tends to flip/flop with her sweetness in fear its going to 'lead me on'

But, as cold as she may seem when she does it, I know its no fun for her either.

We know these women as intimately as possible and know what kind of hearts they have.

[Flipper]

Energy,

You're right. They are sweethearts. I was pretty bummed but I go pray and bounce back.

I know this is no picnic for her. I left her a "Thank you" card in her mailbox. I thanked her for "12-plus years of love, warmth and friendship." I P.S.'d it with, "You still are my best friend...unconditionally." Hope she takes it well. I really miss her companionship.

I'm having a rough time with tomorrow being our anniversary. It would be cool to at least get a text from her. Won't be holding my breath.

[EnergyAZ]

Yeah, dont hold your breath

Reminds me of 311 song lyrics "You cant feel let down if you dont expect the world"

Maybe you can make tomorrow a MAN day

Ya know, dive into the interests you have that she may not of cared about. Action movies, sports, beers with the fellas..whatever. Just avoid romance movies and things that might remind you of things. Otherwise try to make a day of it for yourself and maybe that will help?

[Flipper]

I'll probably sulk a bit. Like you, I allow it from time to time. I do it privately, then I regroup.

Energy, I really pray that you and your W swing things around. I don't understand why the spouses put so much energy into divorce. I like what you said in your other thread about rejuvenating after the forest fire. I think that was you?

[EnergyAZ]

Yeah - that was me. I had what I thought was a great forrest, but on closer look, it was diseased and buring it to ashes was a good idea in hindsight. Now these new saplings are taking root pushing up through the ashes, and I think this new forrest is going to be much lusher and richer than before.

Ya know, I hear what you are saying about the energy towards divorce. It seems my lady at times is just hell bent on it.

But I try to remind myself about the energy she put into this marriage over the years, and her compounding disappointments that things were not improving. I was blind to these efforts, I only 'woke up' when I realized the crap has hit the fan. So from my perspective, it seemed like a lot of energy was going into the divorce. But it doesnt compare to the energy she has put into our relationship. She was trying to do all the heavy lifting for so long.

Now, I believe she still has some work to do if this is going to work out for us. Mainly to forgive and bury the past and to try to stop expecting the worst out of me. But for now, I can understand if she is exhausted, so I will do the heavy lifting in hopes she see's that and in turn, gets motivated again.

Thank you for the sentiment - I have the same wish for everyone who is in this situation. I take vicarious joys and sorrows in every thread I read.

But I am convinced, that even if our spouses decide that its all a day late $1 short, we LBS will still be better people for our efforts.

[EnergyAZ]

PS - I really hope you can find some time to be good to yourself tomorrow.

Sure, go ahead and get the bad feelings out of the way tonight if needed, but you are going through something very difficult. Treat yourself, love yourself - you deserve it!!

[EnergyAZ]

PS - I really hope you can find some time to be good to yourself tomorrow.

Sure, go ahead and get the bad feelings out of the way tonight if needed, but you are going through something very difficult. Treat yourself, love yourself - you deserve it!!

[Flipper]

Thanks Energy.

Maybe I'll take a bubble bath, eat chocolates and pop-in 'Steel Magnolias'! What I meant was maybe I'll drink beer, belch and watch football. Yeah, that's what I meant. See, she's got me all messed up, man!!