I have been praying for you and thinking about your sitch. I am sticking to my game plan....staying cool! This weekend we are going to the beach for Fathers Day and to celebrate our 11 anniversary which we didn't do anything for (her idea....and I remain cool)
My daughter had her first year of dance this year....though my son is actually the one who has the rythym! It is so cute watching them dance. During the recital there was a part where I got to dance with her at the end of her ballet number. I was so proud of her. The funny part is she is attached to a stuffed lambie that she insists on bringing on stage with her! The recital made my W tear up.
TwinDad Me 39, W 36, M 11 W - MLC, WAW???? 2 Kids B/G 3 YRS Old Start of the Long and Bumpy Road..... On the verge of piecing.....a new beginning
You're doing so well! I hope your W asks you to give up the house soon. The turn of events in your sitch aren't surprising. She just seems a bit confused but she does know what she wants. Give her time and you'll be "home" before you know it.
Jen
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
I am meeting my h very soon. He wants to talk about arrangements with the house - basically selling it. I know you and your wife split the properties. How did you handle this? I'm reading a book called crucial conversations which is really helping but I wondered what worked for you and if there is anything I might be able to apply in my situation.
Thanks Jen, Julia I put some ideas on the house in your thread.
The last few days have gone very well
It kind of started with my W saying that she had been needing to get a full massage for a while. I responded by saying, well you know I am always willing to give you one, you just need to let me know when. She didn't say much to that. So two nights ago as we were going to bed, I just said tomorrow night. She said what? I said tomorrow night I will give you your full massage.
So last night, I picked up a bottle of her favorite wine and after we had dinner, I said, let me know when you would like me to draw your bath and give you your massage. She looked at me and said, we are doing that tonight? I said, well that is what I said last night, if you don't want to then that is ok to....I go with the flow. Around 10 she said ok, you can go ahead and draw my bath.
I set up the room with candles and music (she loves enigma) and drew her bath. Then started to give her a nice massage. I commented that I imagine this feels pretty good. She said, well bring the oil on the trip and I will give you one this weekend. She really enjoyed it and we actually ML for the first time in a couple of months!!! It was very nice.
I was worried about her pulling away afterwards, she seemed to a little bit as we got into bed, but I just reached over gently scratched her back and moved herself to sleep closer to me. I even got a nice hug this morning She even said she slept well last night
Now, I just have to keep myself cool some more, but needless to say I am pretty happy this morning
TwinDad Me 39, W 36, M 11 W - MLC, WAW???? 2 Kids B/G 3 YRS Old Start of the Long and Bumpy Road..... On the verge of piecing.....a new beginning
TwinDad!! That is fantastic! I'm so pleased for you. Your perseverance has paid off. Keep going slow, you don't want to scare her off. She might sometimes pull back as this will be scary for her, be prepared for her to have little panics and make sure when she does that you don't.
We had a very good weekend. We took the kids to the beach for 4 nights and had some friends meet us there for a couple nights as well. She said some positive things like
I decided I want to have another child again in front of her friends, she talked about how she thought her OM (who I thought she was having an EA with) was getting back together with the mother of his child).
Fathers day was very nice. She got me a couple cards from the kids and a couple nice shirts. She did actually tell me happy fathers day or give me a card which hurt a good bit but I kept a PMA and didn't let it ruin the day. She did arrange for us to have a couples massage which was very nice.
On the way home, I mentioned about moving some of my other stuff back in the house and she looked at me and said "I haven't given you permission to move back in yet". I just kind of laughed and said "thats fine, I go with the flow" But I was thinking, ok, you have said you want to have another child, you have told your Mom that we wouldn't be separated much longer and I have stayed over there for the last two weeks straight.
It is all good in my mind though. I just keep a PMA and don't get caught up in the R and act "as if" through the tough times. I think it has been building my confidence and making more attractive.
TwinDad Me 39, W 36, M 11 W - MLC, WAW???? 2 Kids B/G 3 YRS Old Start of the Long and Bumpy Road..... On the verge of piecing.....a new beginning
That is great! Remember that she will have panics and pull back and it won't be rational thinking so it is very likely you will say the wrong thing sometimes. It sounds like you recognise this though and remedy the situation well.
I'm really pleased! Keep you fingers crossed for me this time tomorrow and thanks for all your ongoing help and input. I really appreciate it.
She even said she slept well last night