Well for sure you will be sad for a while but to tell you the truth, there is a sense of relief and peace as well having know n that we fought the good fight, but that it wasn't going to change anything, at least not for a while. The other thing is that once you know what you have to work with, you can make plans for your life. There is freedom in knowing that as well.
Kimmie, it takes us a while but life becomes good again, different but good!
Well, I wish life would become good again. I am really upset right now because H and his new "family" are leaving soon for a vacation in the sunshine state. I can't stand it! He's my H!!! NOT HERS!!!!
hey hon, don't torture yourself thinking of what he is doing/isnt' doing. Ok, so one cant just "stop", but you can do some damage control to your soul. Grieve but dont' spend time thinking of the ow because the ow certainly doestn' spend half the time you think of her thinking of you.
I understand this separation is pretty recent and fresh in your heart and you are prob still trying to make sense of it all, he's moving too fast for you. Are you going to a T? perhaps now is a good time to see one hon.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
This separation is fresh to me, but not to H. He actually said in a response to my petition for temporary support that "It's been six months...." yadda, yadda....like that is an eternity and I should have moved on by now.
I do see a T but she simply tells me that H is gone and I need to move on, I am better off in the long run without him, etc.
That is not helpful to me right now. I'm just not there yet. If I could feel differently, I would.
Kimmie, It will get better when you let it get better by start going out and enjoying life. I was on here trying to fight for my sanity when I was first separated and now realize how much better my life is. I am enjoying life that I didn't have when I was with him, I am in control of things. It is all about me now and my happiness.
Me and the x's divorce came through on December 20 2007 and he already has plans to marry the OW that he started cheating on me with. Heck if I see her, I would either give her my condolences or tell her good luck. This just goes to really show me that he knows nothing about true marriage and will jump in and out of it as he pleases but the main thing now is that I am so happy and better than the last 10 years of our marriage.
Me: 41 H: 39 D: 6 S: 4 M-14 T-16 first bomb: 5-12-07 (M dead doesn't really want to work things out.) second bomb: 6-4-2007 (found note he wrote about wanting desperately to be with OW and would have to give up everything) Kelley
Me and the x's divorce came through on December 20 2007 and he already has plans to marry the OW that he started cheating on me with. Heck if I see her, I would either give her my condolences or tell her good luck. This just goes to really show me that he knows nothing about true marriage and will jump in and out of it as he pleases but the main thing now is that I am so happy and better than the last 10 years of our marriage.
Kelley,
Very well put....
Take Care,
NMD
"Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years. That is what makes a marriage last --more than passion or even sex!" - Simone Signoret
Me and the x's divorce came through on December 20 2007 and he already has plans to marry the OW that he started cheating on me with. Heck if I see her, I would either give her my condolences or tell her good luck. This just goes to really show me that he knows nothing about true marriage and will jump in and out of it as he pleases but the main thing now is that I am so happy and better than the last 10 years of our marriage.
My X has yours beat. LOL Our divorce was final 1/31/08 and he married the woman he claimed to never have had an affair with on 2/14 (yep, Valentine's Day, isn't that romantical!!! LOL) My family would like to thank her for taking my X! ANd you are right, it is obvious that neither of them know what marriage really means, or what it takes to make it work, or they would not have done what they did. And it is apparent to others as well. I can't tell you how many people have said to me how much better off I am, and these are people who were mutual friends with X and I. They all see him for who and what he is, as well as seeing his new wife and their marriage for the disgrace that it is to the institute of marriage.
I am also much happier than I was for several years. I realize now that what I had in my mariage wasn't what I wanted or deserved. You deserve better too Kimmie, and you will get better in the long run, it just takes a little while to realize it. Hang in there.
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
I know that a lot of people say that things will get better and that I will realize that I am better off without him.
But I also know that a lot of people never get over being abandoned by the person they loved and trusted with their whole heart. They go to their graves lonely and depressed.
If we are so much better off without our WAS, then why in the world would anyone ever want to DB and try to patch up their R's?
we DB because we believed in our vows, we loved those people and at the time we thought we had a chance. On some cases, the WAS came through and decided to work on building their Ms again, on the other hand other WAS still had their heads up their butts and wanted to stay in la-la land (A, MLC, etc) and decided not to come back (and showed what kind of people they degenerated to).
At some degree I DB with my eyes closed, not seeing how much of a liar stbx was, the MC asked me the second time I found him cheating "and what are you going to do if you find out he is cheating on you again?" Well, I did find out and still I forgave him and wanted him back not realizing the man had no concern for me as a person nor was able to love me as a husband and treat me right.
I DBd for love, for my kids. I have no regrets, I went down fighting and one day my kids might ask for the truth and they'll know that mom gave it her all and 110% more. Just now I realize I'm better off without the person he is now, he never changed nor wanted to.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
