RTL - Imagine how your W were to be if ever you were to communicate to her the way she communicates with you. Dont feel sorry for yourself getting angry. You are dealing with an angry confused foul mouthed and deceitful beatch. I think even Ghandi would have a hard time dealing with your STBXW.
I'd also like to see her exposed as a fraud on the stand in a trial, but if there is no real point of doing it, I won't push for one. However, I'm pretty sure she'll be the one to ask for a trial b/c she won't like the rulings and findings that will be handed down to her.
If she does end up going to a trial, I'll be able to expose her then. It is unfortunate, but I think her fear of wanting to keep all of her lies hidden will end up causing her to have them all come out in a public record.
It is definitely business now. As for the relationship w/ her, to quote my good friend SirPrizeMe, the flame is definitely flickering out. I also think she's showing her true colors and there is little to no hope of her ever looking in the mirror and taking responsibility for who she is and why she's unhappy. I'm pretty sure she'll just live the rest of her life blaming me while I'm rebuilding mine and living happily.
I'll go mostly dark from here on out. I've already responded to her today and I did add more than I needed to, but now that I've read your suggestions, I'm going back to the dark side.
Obviously, this hadn't crossed my mind. I do make myself too accessible to her. Maybe that is what Ellie was warning me about yesterday.
She needs to lose the ability to have me around for her. If I couple this w/ Phoenixdeaux's darkening ideas, I can further my efforts to drop the rope completely.
My, Man! Everytime I see your posts, regardless of where they are, they are so good and to the point. This is no exception. She is foul-mouthed and is acting like a spoiled brat. She'd also never allow me to talk to her that way. And yes, Ghandi may have also had time remaining peaceful w/ her.
She contacted me around noon today and told me I "might not be needed" to help her out. She then later sent an accusatory text asking if I'd really re-bombed the house, did the car, washed the bedding, etc., both before and yesterday and today as I told her I had. I unfortunately replied w/ more than Phoenixdeaux's suggested "yes" as I was again pissed and did take the bait a bit.
I didn't antigonize her this time, but I did tell her I had done everything just as I said I had done. I also told her that we are both working on the solution here and maybe one of us just missed one. I know I missed a ton in Tahoe evidently because I had zero clue what exactly I was looking for. She then replies that she "knows were both working on this" but her father wants to quarter me and thinks this is all my fault and I'm doing it to torture D and W.
Ok, is it just me or is the absolutely crazy? I replied w/ "I wish I had that much power and control." To which she said "so you can torture me?"
Now, I did respond and told her that was crazy. Asked her why I'd ever want to torture her and D and then explained that I was referring to how much money I could command if I could control the insect world. She didn't respond and I now wish I had just done what Phoenixdeaux suggested - just said "yes" when she asked if I'd done those tasks.
Oh, well. She's a peach, but she won't be my peach for too much longer. She then said her dad also said she should keep D away from me for 2 weeks. Now that isn't going to fly real well w/ me, my L or the parenting evaluator. However, in the back of my mind, I really hope she tries to do it. I'd like to see it blow up in her face.
Her fantasy world that she's created is Crazy Land, home of the delusional crazies! This place makes up alternate realities and then blames me for everything. W's car didn't start = my fault. She burns her bagel = my fault again. Boss chews her out at work = Yep, you guessed it. All me. Give me a break!
RTL, Stop!!!! you are becoming an enabeler, or however you spell it. This is all crazy, sh&t happens, it is nobody's fault, you really need to stop interacting with W completely. Only texts with dates and times for pick up and drop off, NOTHING ELSE. If you care about your D's life, stop this insanity. Do not let W suck you in anymore. Try to go on with your life and break the hold she has on you, it is poisonous. You truly tried your best, there is nothing there but dysfunction. There is a 5 year old child at stake, you need to stop joining her in her psychosis or you will be as culpable as she.
Yes, I know I have to stop. I've done all I can up to this point and now I need to go dark. I'm not sure if this divorce can be busted b/c it would require a lot of backtracking and recanting of lies by W. I just don't think she's got that in her.
Anyway, I called D and told her goodnight. D insisted on handing the phone to W. W got on and told me how she'd probably need a massage b/c her back hurt so much from all the bending she did today. I didn't say a word. It felt odd, but I didn't speak. I wanted to say "I hope your back gets better" but I said nothing.
W continued on and said D was really good today. I responded to that by saying "she sounds happy." W continued a bit talking about how D was so great for her today and I just listened and didn't respond.
I guess I'm supposed to affirm or something in there somewhere, but I was numb. I didn't know what to say or I was just too hesitant to say anything, I guess. I could have affirmed her back hurt and I'll probably ask about it tomorrow, but she's so mean, unpredictable, and irrational that I think it is best to say nothing for a while.
I've got another appointment on the books w/ a DB coach, so I'll talk w/ her about what to do from here. It is depressing, to be honest. It is so sad. Why am I here? What did I do to deserve this? Why did I foolishly expect my W to be as committed to our M as I was? I thought we were partners forever and through anything. I was obviously wrong.
I guess I'm supposed to affirm or something in there somewhere, but I was numb. I didn't know what to say or I was just too hesitant to say anything, I guess. I could have affirmed her back hurt and I'll probably ask about it tomorrow, but she's so mean, unpredictable, and irrational that I think it is best to say nothing for a while.
Yes, it's called 'detaching'. It's for your mental health. You're doing fine. Trust me, it's hard. I know. I've finally gotten to that point also.
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It is depressing, to be honest. It is so sad. Why am I here? What did I do to deserve this? Why did I foolishly expect my W to be as committed to our M as I was? I thought we were partners forever and through anything. I was obviously wrong.
I guess this really is my fault after all.
Um, no. It's not your 'fault'. You don't 'deserve this'. Nobody does.
Look at her behavior. How can you blame yourself for the bad choices of another person? The only person you can control is you. Blame is wasted energy.
She's showing you a side of her you had no idea existed - or if you did, you were willing to overlook it until it grew to what it is now.
She will crash eventually and have to pay for all of her misdeeds. Karma is a bitch that way.
And when she does, you'll be the one who has to decide if you want to risk being around her again.
RTL, I didn't mean to sound harsh, but it just seems like w has you on an emotional roller coaster and you need to get off the ride. All you you can do is what you need to move forward with your life. Worrying about what she will do or say and then getting upset about it is pointless. W tells you her back hurts, why would she think someone who raped her would care? It is absurd. It has nothing to do with fault, she owns her actions, you did not force her to do this. Someone on this board said that maybe she needs to face what it will be like when she doesn't have you to talk and cry to, and I so agree.This needs to happen now so W can see what D really means before the final action. You want her to happy and whole for your D as well. Maybe this will help you " go ark". Use your energy to improve your life and make yourself happy. Try to not answer her texts for 24 hours and see what you do instead, you might surprise yourself.
Joshua (the computer) invited them to play a game. "Let's play Global Thermonuclear War".
In the end, the computer makes a comment about these 'War Games'.
He says: "A strange game. The only way to win is not to play the game".
Your W is inviting you to her game. It's called "Borderline Personality Disorder". In this game you CHANGE THE RULES EVERY DAY. So learn something from Joshua. Don't play the game.
Play your game. The one where you look at her with sadness, and a little pity, because she is broken and you cannot repair her. Only she can do that with Gods help. When she chooses to.
Until then, stay out of HER game. YOU can't win because she changes the rules if you START to get ahead.
Have you ever seen the movie "Madagascar"? Remember the psychotic penguins? They think they are undercover spies.
Whenever they are around people or animals who they don't want to betray their 'secret identities' to, the 'skipper' always says:
"Just smile and wave boys, smile and wave"
or
"Cute and cuddly boys, cute and cuddly"
That's their way of 'blending in'.
I guarantee that from now on you're going to think 'smile and wave' from now on whenever she starts going of and being crazy. Do your best not to laugh at her, but be sure to smile. I wouldn't wave though, just do it in your mind. If you really wave she'll think YOU'RE nuts.
And remember what Daffy Duck said a long time ago: "You don't have to be crazy to do this, but it SURE HELPS!"
Be the Alpha male in your clan. I know you are this man and I have faith that you will come out of this stronger and better than ever before.
By letting her go, you give her the gift of learning what life will be like without you. She needs this because she just doesn't understand that even with the blemishes, you're one of the rare men who exist out there that have real morals, real commitment, real unconditional love. She doesn't understand because she really has no true example of this from her childhood so she has nothing to compare against.
For her, this is the hard lesson. We'll all pray that she gets it.
She then said her dad also said she should keep D away from me for 2 weeks. Now that isn't going to fly real well w/ me, my L or the parenting evaluator. However, in the back of my mind, I really hope she tries to do it. I'd like to see it blow up in her face.