Poor thing gets upset that he can't be the honarary "man in your life" while making himself comfy with the next woman he will betray. If you aren't at home to honor his memory every day, who will?
Aren't you supposed to pine away your life thinking about his greatness? What the heck is wrong with you? Why do you want to ever enjoy time away from the house? What if he wants to call and point out something you do wrong, or talk about how much fun they are having? Who will answer? Who will listen to his crap?
You go girl !!!! You living the better life is not what he wants to think about. If his life is so blessed right now, why wouldn't he want you to find your happiness? Because part of his happiness is based on controlling your happiness. In his version of reality, you are supposed to be "limited" to his comfort level.
The Ms certainly need to keep writing in their feelings journals. It might help prepare them for writing him a letter about how they want to love him ... just him for a whole day. And be loved by him alone for one day. Not because you told them to, but because it was their idea. Of course, he probably won't do it and will accuse you of being the cause of it. They will know better. They will know how they miss him. Maybe he needs to get those letters on a regular basis, or at least on special occasions. Maybe one day it will sink in, and they will have a day to remember.
The GF, her kids, and all the other relatives were not in the settlement negotiations. You know you should not be exchanging your kids with others at all hours. He should be told that in the most polite sort of exchange. One where you start by saying you have waited till the emotions passed and the kids weren't around; so you could simply state for the record that agreements are being violated and for the record ... it is not acceptable. Maybe repeat the part about "for the record".
So you let the kids journal. You keep your journal too. Vent there, along with capturing all the facts and all the names of people who may have been involved or witnessed. In your journal, what the kids come home and say is not "hear say". At least in your journal, their concerns are concrete. You may never need those notes, but a time may come when it will be appropriate for you to share all the details ... for the good of the kids.
The tub is almost full, so just relax and soak for a while.
Cat, Zumba? I never heard of it. I am so getting on it. I love that dance stuff. I hope that the drama goes away too.
Ginger, Hiya Doll. I love when you come visit. Um don't say wow about my tongue yet, but so far so good.
Yay smooooches.
Awww karate Kid,
Thank you for the wonderful email and for this part especially
"When you define your spouse by the negative impact he or she has had on your life, you make him or her bigger than life. You certainly make him or her bigger than you, because you have given him or her the ability to determine the state of your life.
When it comes to forgiving yourself for the things you have done, this step is vital. When you define yourself by the things you have done wrong, you encourage a process of decay. If you think you deserve an unhealthy life, you will live out an unhealthy life. If you think you are a failure, you will avoid the path of success. If on the other hand, you define yourself as the object of God's grace and an adopted child who is in line for God's favor, you will pursue healthy avenues of growth and development."
I was a bit angry. Forgiveness is best. Slowly but surely I am trying.
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I pray for you, Moises and Mia. God has good things in store for you...
My babies. Sigh. Yeah thank you.
Hiya Chick, I haven't posted on your thread b/c i have never been so lost. I mean and it really doesn't take much.
Heya Kiki. I don't think he is jealous at all asking about me, he just wants to GET me with something. Thanks for passing by mami.
(((((((((Susie)))))))) Your post made my eyes well up with tears. 14 days after the divorce? Sorry about that sugar. It is that replaced disposable feeling that is so hard to get past some days.
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I totally agree with you on this point. Just because the X shoved his relationship down the kids throats from the moment he moved out does not mean I will do the same. Plus, my time with my kids is precious to me. Just having them away from me at all is painful, I am not going to share my time with them and my attention with anyone else at this point. I don't even talk to my older girls about my social life, because I feel it is not appropriate at this point.
AMEN and EXACTLY. HUGS babes.
My Chappy. Where is the heart icon?
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So you let the kids journal. You keep your journal too. Vent there, along with capturing all the facts and all the names of people who may have been involved or witnessed. In your journal, what the kids come home and say is not "hear say". At least in your journal, their concerns are concrete. You may never need those notes, but a time may come when it will be appropriate for you to share all the details ... for the good of the kids.
The tub is almost full, so just relax and soak for a while.
Thank you so much for your entire post. Especially for this part. You help me be a better parent. For that I will always be grateful.
Hiya No Hill Hiya NO Hill Hiya No Hill. Thanks for passing by Hot cheecks.
Enjoy the weekend peeps! Hope the weather is great for all of you.
Going with the Girls to watch Sex in the City Movie tomorrow and OFCOURSE we are going to wear our most FAB heels.
Besos.
Live Simply Love Generously Care Deeply Speak Kindly Leave the rest to God
(((((((((Susie)))))))) Your post made my eyes well up with tears. 14 days after the divorce? Sorry about that sugar. It is that replaced disposable feeling that is so hard to get past some days.
I struggle with that also. DSid I mean so little that I could be replaced so quickly? I sometimes feel like i must be really messed up to be so insignificant....then I realize that what HE did is HIS problem. He apparently has serious emotional issues if he can be so callous and think that what he did was based on love for her. He is a seriously damaged person, and when it is all said and done, I actually feel sorry for them. I feel sorry that they believe they have the slightest clue what love, dignity, commitment, trust, honesty or respect mean. They trampled on all of those things. What they have is superficial and fake. They based a relationship on lust, destruction and lies and hurting others. They are sad.
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
I struggle with that also. DSid I mean so little that I could be replaced so quickly? I sometimes feel like i must be really messed up to be so insignificant....then I realize that what HE did is HIS problem. He apparently has serious emotional issues if he can be so callous and think that what he did was based on love for her. He is a seriously damaged person, and when it is all said and done, I actually feel sorry for them. I feel sorry that they believe they have the slightest clue what love, dignity, commitment, trust, honesty or respect mean. They trampled on all of those things. What they have is superficial and fake. They based a relationship on lust, destruction and lies and hurting others. They are sad.
BND,
Very well put... I needed that right now....
Take Care,
NMD
"Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years. That is what makes a marriage last --more than passion or even sex!" - Simone Signoret
Thanks NMD. I did a lot of self-flagellation before I opened my eyes and realized that while I definitely made mistakes, I was willing to admit them and try to fix them. He looked for the answers to his problems with someone else. But he has the answers he needs, but he will never look for them in himself. He thinks it is someone else's job to make him happy, and he decided she was going to be better at it than me. Good luck to both of them. I don't think that is the answer.
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
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